[MotownJohnny]

Because I have to go in there and tell her things are not all rosy and happy like I want them to be.

I was diagnosed as bipolar II, by a doctor I later found out was pretty bad. And it was a very snap diagnosis made literally within 5 minutes based on only the short intake form and a very few in-person questions.

I am still taking the stupid lamictal that I was started on almost a year ago, just before Labor Day in fact. I felt all along it did not do a thing for me mentally, I was just as sad when up to the full dose for a while. I felt like the depression and anxiety diminished because l worked really hard at filling my life with positives, and also because I exercise a lot and that is a great stress reliever. What the lamictal did was get me addicted to it, and cause side effects. Anemia and tremor. But, when we started to withdraw on the normal schedule, I,had withdrawal symptoms, chills, severe tremor/the shakes, nausea, and it was actually pretty rough. So, we managed the other stuff, went back to,the full dose, and am withdrawing extremely slowly.

Now, the anxiety and some depression is coming back. I was later diagnosed by my therapist with C-PTSD, and my new, current psychiatrist is using that as a working diagnosis. I desperately do not want to be stuck with the diagnosis of bipolar, I really don't want any MH diagnosis, because I fear that if people find out it will cost me my reputation, my job and career, family relationships, and if my career is trashed retirement/future lifestyle is going to be really rough. But, I guess I could live with PTSD more than bipolar.

The big problem is that I am becoming symptomatic again - is it that lamictal really was helping? Or, it might be just because the events that happened which are coming back to me in vivid memories, bringing up those old feelings, happened last year in August and September? A lot of situations trigger it. Place, time of day, and, oddly, especially lighting, such as when it is dusk, and the sky has a certain look. And I am starting to feel sad again.

I need to bring a lot of this up today with her. I just want no trouble, smooth sailing. Bottom line, I am afraid a mental health diagnosis is going to ruin my life, and I have way too much to live for.

So, I think I need to be really open with her and tell her I need some help beyond just tapering off lamictal. I guess the only thing is, I felt horribly betrayed, destroyed by the reaction of the quack last year, who treated me like a criminal. I feel like this current psychiatrist I can trust, and that she is competent and genuinely wiling to work with me as a healthcare provider, instead of just forcing me into doing things I really didn't want to do by coercion under threat of calling the cops on me to haul me off to the psych ward.

[gayleggg]

It is hard to trust after feeling betrayed, but sounds like you feel confident with this new psychiatrist, so I would be truthful with her. If you do get a Bipolar diagnosis it is not the end of the world. There is no reason for anyone to know but you and who you choose to tell. The only problem I ran into is when I tried to get private health insurance. I was denied due to the Bipolar diagnosis. That is the only time I have been asked to disclose my diagnosis, otherwise, it is off limits to jobs, friends and relatives unless you choose to tell them. So be honest with you doctor and let her make the correct diagnosis so she can help you. Good luck.
Gayle

[iwalkwithjesus]

Motown,

Everything is gonna be alright, I know how you feel and truly know how people judge you by these illnesses. The important thing for you to remember is no matter what, you have to look out for yourself with any of these illnesses. If you don't get the right treatment your future could be ruined as well, and you will still be sick. So don't worry. I hope everything went well at the psy. Just be honest with her and let her know it is very impt to you to get a correct diagnosis because you want to receive the correct treatment so you can be the best you can be.

[avlady]

I'm sorry you had a bad experience with the doc or t before, sometimes we think our meds aren't working because we start to feel like we don't need it anymore because we are stable and don't realize the meds could be doing the trick. Please listen to what youre doc and t say if you have them, they're not all bad.

I just wanted to let you know that I am keeping you in my thoughts!
I am most certain that this meeting with your new psychiatrist will be helpful and since you already feel like you can trust them, that's a great start!
I do understand feeling like your life will be over if you're stuck with a MH diagnosis, but that is not true, there are plenty of very successful people out there who struggle with MH illnesses as well.
Again, hope everything went well!
(if okay!)

[MotownJohnny]

Hey!

It went really well. I have even more confidence in her now. She "gets it" and she also said some interesting things about the bipolar diagnosis. She said she encounters few patients who are truly bipolar, and many who get that diagnostic code, especially bipolar II, as a catch all, or because it is too time consuming to really parse symptoms on fine detail, or because it's sort of the in vogue diagnosis of the moment. Which is true, I guess - even the quack admitted to me she put down bipolar II in part because it was a more "reimbursable" diagnostic code - insurance pays for more hospital days for that diagnosis than some others.

She also said what I am experiencing is normal for C-PTSD and I can ride it out and work with it, with or without drugs, and we both decided to avoid drugs for now. She said at times it's ok to let it wash over you and just let it pass, if you cry you cry, just realize it is what it is and you are ok just channeling old emotions. Like the line from a Duran Duran song, All You Need Is Now.

I'm a much happier guy than I was this morning.

[splitimage]

Glad that it went well.

splitimage