[Max Ra]

Hi ! I am not on any meds and I don't see any therapists etc. I am trying to get answers to resolve some issues that come up once in a while, as I believe I can handle them more effectively than I currently do. One of them is to deal with blame or accusations wrongly placed on me, when that happens. I get a strong feeling in those instances that convincing the other person by elaborately explaining to them, will get the blame off me. However this does not seem to be working out that well ! What do you guys here suggest ? What measures do you think can be taken in such a situation so that it may be handled more effectively ?

[lizardlady]

Do you mean other people are accusing you of doing something you did not do? How about simply saying "I did not do that"?

[Max Ra]

Originally Posted by lizardlady

Do you mean other people are accusing you of doing something you did not do? How about simply saying "I did not do that"?

At times it's not that simple .

[Gus1234U]

not that i can do it very often, but i was told to look at accusers and abusers with compassion, for they are the ones in pain. try being solicitous,, kindly,, say something like: "wow, you are really upset, that must be awful for you....."

best wishes~
Gus

[online user]

Ah, this is one of my pet peeves...no doubt, from when I was little when my mother blamed me for stuff my little sisters did. Haven't found a satisfactory resolution, either. I do know that what others think of me is more a product of themselves, not the real me, so it's easier to accept now. I constantly tell myself that what others think of me is none of my business. What they say about me says more about themselves than me. That helps. But you have to let yourself believe it.

[Max Ra]

Originally Posted by online user

Ah, this is one of my pet peeves...no doubt, from when I was little when my mother blamed me for stuff my little sisters did. Haven't found a satisfactory resolution, either. I do know that what others think of me is more a product of themselves, not the real me, so it's easier to accept now. I constantly tell myself that what others think of me is none of my business. What they say about me says more about themselves than me. That helps. But you have to let yourself believe it.

Firstly I love your avatar ! THAT IS living with a cat Apart from that thank you so much for your response and for understanding of this issue. Unfair blame can generate some very strong feelings and is best dealt with right then and there I think. Also such feelings can be very potent in how one interacts with the people involved from then on ! What is your opinion about this part of the issue ?

Thank you,
Regards,
Max Ra .

[iwalkwithjesus]

Max always remember, some people do this justto take the attention off themselves

[healingme4me]

No need to elaborately explain your side. Sometimes, the more one explains, the more it sounds like accepting blame.

I don't appreciate, the accusation. And then, walk away from the conversation.

Reminds me, of how I'd try to soothe my ex husbands fears. It's not my job, to convince others of their erroneous beliefs. Can lead a horse to water, can't make them drink.

Simplify the response. Don't accept the blame.

Originally Posted by Max Ra

Hi ! I am not on any meds and I don't see any therapists etc. I am trying to get answers to resolve some issues that come up once in a while, as I believe I can handle them more effectively than I currently do. One of them is to deal with blame or accusations wrongly placed on me, when that happens. I get a strong feeling in those instances that convincing the other person by elaborately explaining to them, will get the blame off me. However this does not seem to be working out that well ! What do you guys here suggest ? What measures do you think can be taken in such a situation so that it may be handled more effectively ?

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Max Ra

Unfair blame can generate some very strong feelings and is best dealt with right then and there I think.

What is your opinion about this part of the issue ? .

Are you writing, that the unfair blame, is generating a strong feeling/reaction out of you?

Why would that be? If that's what you are implying, of course...

[Perna]

I found my strong response to unfair blame was helped by better self esteem. If you are an adult and know you did not do something, what another person thinks is not that important. It was only insofar as I had leftover feelings from what my stepmother felt and demanded that I was having problems and working through those issues in therapy got rid of that problem so now I am usually just a bit confused when someone else has accused me of something I did not do as I can't see how I would have done it

I remember in the 1970's when a boss was looking for me and finally found me and asked, "Where were you?" and I explained where I'd been and he replied, "No you weren't; I looked there!" and that threw me into a tizzy because I instinctively knew I had been there but here was someone saying I hadn't been and I was trying to make both "match". Quit trying to make things match! You know what you know; have faith in yourself.

[Max Ra]

Originally Posted by iwalkwithjesus

Max always remember, some people do this justto take the attention off themselves

...... oh ok ! Never thought of it from that perspective ... hmmm ..... now that's food for thought. Thanks !

[Max Ra]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

No need to elaborately explain your side. Sometimes, the more one explains, the more it sounds like accepting blame.

I don't appreciate, the accusation. And then, walk away from the conversation.

Reminds me, of how I'd try to soothe my ex husbands fears. It's not my job, to convince others of their erroneous beliefs. Can lead a horse to water, can't make them drink.

Simplify the response. Don't accept the blame.

Now this ! I really like ... yes ! Thank you

[online user]

Originally Posted by Max Ra

Firstly I love your avatar ! THAT IS living with a cat Apart from that thank you so much for your response and for understanding of this issue. Unfair blame can generate some very strong feelings and is best dealt with right then and there I think. Also such feelings can be very potent in how one interacts with the people involved from then on ! What is your opinion about this part of the issue ?

Thank you,
Regards,
Max Ra .

I try to avoid responding and leave the situation if I can. Sometimes I make a statement of correction, "No, you are mistaken. I did not do that." and then walk away. It doesn't do much good to try to argue.

[avlady]

What did you not do? just joking!!

[Max Ra]

Originally Posted by avlady

What did you not do? just joking!!

...... LOL LOL LOLz !!!