Already dreading the holidays

Autumn... or Fall of the Year
(for Autumn is dead to me)

Old sensations course through body
Long forgotten aromas, sounds of yesteryear
Bring back memories best forgotten
Of childhood times, mixed with pain and joy

Go away, you! I live in Now
Tantalize other poor souls
Who'd travel back in time
Leave my doorstep! Out my window sill!
Silence, you familiar sounds!

Intruders all, counterfits of the past
Specters all of a life long past
What is it you require of me?
What gain to pose time long dead?

Nothing changes, then or now
Life empty, past and present
Deams long forgotten
Go then! Let me be!
For in contentment I fool myself.

9-23-06

i agree with you, october through febuary i would be fine with skipping to march , past all the holidays that i don't like

I love the holidays...it sort of renews me for the new year again...but your poem is terrific and I know depression can be higher at the holiday time...I thank anybody who wants to should be able to skip the holidays...It is up to y ou!! Enjoy your life every day!! not the holidays!!!

(((((((((((( Tomi ))))))))))))))))

I like the holidays too, especially the people we don't otherwise see, and the food. It is understandable why so much depression comes with the days, especially the letdown afterward when expectations might have been too high. Also for people with no family to spend time with.

I love Fall, the change of seasons, and the emerging colors! Frost in the morning as I go out to work! Holidays...well, that's another story, but I tolerate them and try to appreciate them for time with family, but not gift-giving or commercialism.
Enjoy the colors!
Patty

To Everybody:

The poem was inspired by smells and sounds coming from my neighborhood. The aromas were only in my memory. I sometimes get this feeling of de ja vou but... not. It's strange to try and explain.

The main reason I'm dreading the holidays is that I do have quite a large family but distance and some family situations will dictate that I be alone this year. I may get to see my oldest for for a couple of hours, if I'm lucky and then I will be his last stop on Christmas Day.

The fact that I live in Southern California also dictates no colors... except maybe black this year, since all the surrounding hills are burning at the moment and have been all this month. The danger of flooding in the burn areas will be extremely serious.

Also, as we get older time goes quicker. It's going by too quick for me and most days I feel as if I didn't accomplish my purpose for that day. I'm going at a snails pace while Time flies by. It's the age factor, not my depression this time.

I'm getting old, in the Fall of my life and with the large family I have, I thought that finally, I would be surrounded by those I love for the holidays. Not so... Such is life. "With contentment I fool myself"

Oh, yes, September...I can so identify with time moving faster and feeling I have not accomplished what I should. I would also definitely miss the change of seasons! I really empathize with you on that. At my age, I've realized I'm in a kind of "mourning" stage at not having accomplished some of the things I had hoped, but not in a depressed way, as you also say.
For me, the holidays are just too commercialized to be meaningful. I abstain from most of it for that reason, only in the past couple of years, recognizing how they are driven by economy and not spiritual meaning.
Love
Patty

I am SO with you on the commercialism!! And now, not even Santa Clause is welcome in some malls! I don't know what this world is comming to.

I stopped buying (pun intended) into the commercial aspect when my kids were still at home. I refused to buy anything in the stores that year unless it was a small item to make something with that the kids had decided would be a gift. Mostly, I encouraged them to give of themselves. My daughter came up with a "coupon book" for everybody. Coupons for her time and/or her attention to be redeamed throughout the year.

My youngest still wants to hold to that tradition but his wife gives him too bad a time and they wind up spending more money than they can affort to spend.

Oh, well! You give it your best shot when you can, right?

commercializm (sp) is why we're making gifts this year, if a wall hanging or ornaments aren't good enough tough, Tomi, if you want I can send pics of the leaves changing color here in PA

Cool, Angie! I can make a collage! Bebop is also sending pictures of the trees changing colors where she is!

Then when it starts snowing you can send some more and I'll make a collage of those, too, and hang them above my computer!

For reasons to numerous to count I wish I could lay down on the bed and wake up in.......with nobody at home this year there will be no attempt on my part I'm sure to create the illusion of caring whether it is halloween, thanksgiving, christmas or new years.

Tomi,

I can relate to your poem so well. Add to that, just the feeling of the cooler fall breeze rustling the leave outside my bedroom window. The feelings, flashbacks, nightmares are flooding back from only 2 years ago. Maybe if it was farther back in my past, the feelings wouldn't be so overwhelming. The worst part for me is that I need to jump to June in order to escape all these horrible feelings. That doesn't leave me with many functional months & even those haven't been functional with the heat here in Lancaster. I am lucky that my psychologist realizes that I am in trouble now.....he hasn't been able to see me at my usual time & has arranged to see me on another day because I just can't go that long without his help. Unfortunately, I can't affored to feel the way I am feeling....I don't have time in my life to be non-functional. I have so much to do, but I can't push myself either without getting even worse. I feel like I am in the middle of a catch 22 that won't be over until it is too late.

Your poem just made me realize that this is what I am going through....the feelings have been here, but not the words to explain it.

Thank you,
Debbie

((( Tomi )))

Beautiful writing.

Can I please be part of the collage?

i mentioned eartler i agreed on the holidays and we should skip to march. here is my reasoning. I lost my family (all my kids) i disowned my father, grandparents are dead, my mom i have not heard from in years. so i spend it alone and i don't want to do it anymore.

The holidays are great! although we are no where close now.