My mother has lost her mind and I don't know what to do (No Joke)

Okay so first of all let me introduce myself, I'm an 18 year old male, who lives with a single mother who's currently 62 years old, no father since I was 4, and I haven't seen any of my relatives since I was 4-5. My mother was adopted and had a very rough child hood and all her relatives on her real mothers side and adopted mothers side are either dead or all contact is completely lost. My father comes from a dysfunctional and abusive family and him and everybody who is apart of his family is either in a gang or on drugs or beating their wives or hopeless alcoholics. Basically what I'm trying to say is I have no family other than me, my mom and my brother.

Second of all, I personally don't believe in medication, as I had suffered with severe "depression" and suicidal tendencies until I learned the magic of meditation and sincere changes in attitude, belief, and mindset. I cured my depression that way and I've since been convinced that any mental issue can be solved with mind power alone as long as the afflicted person is willing to change how they look at life.

Anyways, here is the story:
It started around December of 2012, my mom started complaining that something was biting her in her sleep. We were all on her side at this point and thought it was spiders or something, so we went and cleaned up a bit and sprayed and wondered if that'd solve the problem. She then brought up the possibility that it was bed bugs, so we all joined in on her side once again and helped her clean up her bed and spray some more and do whatever she needed to solve the problem. She then said it was fleas, so we all cleaned the house spotless, dusted everything off, removed all dirt and dust, vaccuumed every day, and fogged the house and further sprayed, and layed boric acid all over all the carpets. Nothing changed. She then said it was flying gnats, so we laid out fly traps and bought a hanging electric bug zapper and sprayed some more and cleaned some more,and still nothing changed. She also thought they were termites for one point. Anyways, at this point things were starting to get weird. First of all, at this point, the bug thing was already going on for a couple of months, and the problem was getting WORSE, not better not withstanding all our spraying and cleaning.

She started complaining more that they were on her skin, that they were in her eyes, under her fingernails, up both southern regions of the body, in her mouth, up her nose, and in her ears. (Basically every opening in the body). she even at one point started saying they were crawling around under her skin. She also believes theyre in her stomach, in her lungs, and in her blood stream.

Anyways, the amounts of poisons and chemicals that she has exposed the family to is countless. From classic Hot Shot Foggers, to Raid, to Nylar, to Boric Acid, to Diatomaceous Earth, to 90% Alcohol, to Professional Termite Spray, to Citric Acid, to Eucalpytus Oil to Pine Oil, to Arid Extra Dry...

Anyways, as things progressed with this bug thing she started doing super unhealthy things to herself, and anybody else she could get away with doing it to. For instance, she began carrying around a squirt bottle with 90% alcohol solution, and spraying that directly up her nose. She currently carries around a basket which contains boric acid, which she constantly powders her face with, and she shoves tissues that have been saturated with boric acid up her nose. She also washes out her eyes like 3 times a day with a boric acid and water solution. Anyways all these chemicals are not safe for her, and not safe for the people around her.

What is worse, is that we used to have a pet bird who we all loved and treasured dearly like a member of the family. We got him when I was 9 years old, and we had him for 8-9 years. That bird was my best friend, and the only one I ever felt loved me unconditionally. I was always the birds favorite person, and we literally grew up together. I wandered and played through innocent childhood with him, suffered through confusing adolescence with him, and ultimately grew up with him. When she decided that the bird had the bugs on it however, I knew it meant grave consequences.

She began powdering the bird with boric acid and diatomaceous earth convinced that the bugs were on it. She would also give the bird a flea bath using what I consider to be unsafe flea shampoos on the bird daily. The more she powdered and bathed the bird, the drier its skin became, and the more the bird scratched, and the more mom saw the bird scratching, the more she decided the bird was being attacked, and the more she powdered and bathed. Finally, the pecked a huge gaping hole in its side under its wing, which none of us noticed until it was too big to save it. We took it to multiple vets multiple times who tried stitching the bird up and giving it antibiotics, but the bird just pulled out the stitches, and ripped apart whatever collars we put on it to prevent it from pecking. The bird pulled out the stitches, its wound got infected, and it died. I lost my best friend.

It agonized my mind to see my mom crying over a bird about how she wished she couldve saved it and how to this day she believes it was the bugs, and she believes she didnt do enough to save it, meanwhile in my mind the way I see it is that she killed it and doesnt even know it. To some extent it completely enrages me and disgusts me, however the majority of me realizes that it's not her fault cuz she had absolutely no idea what she was doing, and still has no idea what's she's doing. After all, she decides for everybody who has the bugs. She even decided for me that I had the bugs when I had really bad acne, and she wouldve been powdering me to death too if I wasn't able to speak for myself and tell her no. The only one in the house that couldnt speak for itself was the bird, and that was the one she attacked and killed. A helpless animal who cant tell anybody that he's fine and just having normal itches..

Anyways, there was a point when my brother was suicidal over this whole bug thing. And it's certainly put a lot of stress and anxiety in my life.

We even moved to another house because of the bug thing, and even though she was 100% positive that moving would fix the issue, she eventually decided that the bugs came over with some of our stuff and are now infested in our new house.

On the same day that my bird died my good friend and date to prom also died from a rare blood disease.

The next month, which was May, (About a month after we moved to our new house which was April), my brother, having to commute to work which is back in our old home town, got in a terrible car accident which totalled my moms precious 2001 Mazda Protege, and which gave him severe whiplash and severe back pain.

Today, my brother was out commuting again and got T-boned at 40 MPH by a crazy woman who ran a red light on a hill, at 40 miles per hour. My moms brand new car which she just bought a week or two ago is now totalled and she's severely depressed, and my brother is severely injured.

She blames all our misfortune on moving to a new town and having to commute, and yet she was the one that decided for the entire family that we had to move.

Anyways, I had for a while learned never to bring up the bug thing and never to talk to my mom about it, and to never bring up the possibility that it was a mental illness. I used to bring it up all the time trying to convince her to see a doctor or get therapy or something, but every time i brought it up she disowned me as a son and became severely depressed for the next couple of weeks.

I also learned that the more stressed out my mom is, the more the "bugs" seem to attack her, so I learned for a while that it'd be a better move to not ever talk to her about it because it'd only end with me being disowned, mom feeling hopelessly alone, stressed out, and depressed, and making her feel the "bugs" even more.

However, recently, my brother and my mom bought another baby bird just like our old bird (Who was a maroon bellied conure, this current on is a fancy green cheeked conure), even though i begged my brother not to because we all know the output of what would happen. But they were both sad and lonely and went ahead and did it.

Now my mom's been making idol threats about "doing whatever she can to keep the bird alive" and I kept begging her not to do anything and to just let the bird be, but she is adamant and keeps threatening to "help" the bird on the first sign of bugs.

With that information in mind, and my brother getting in another horrible car wreck today, I just couldnt handle the stress anymore so I tried "talking" to my mom again about the possibility of this being a mental disease. Same result and usual, a huge fight broke out, like one that we hadn't had in months. She disowned me, said she's not related to me or my brother, and threatened suicide and she's severely depressed.

Meanwhile my older brother, believes that some supernatural force is out to kill him because he's been in TWO HORRIBLE automobile accidents in the past 4-5 months. And while he's lucky to be alive, i am 100% positive that he's most likely going to be disabled for life, and unable to have any type of job that requires him to be on his feet or lift things.

Basically, I have no idea what to do at this point. This has been going on for almost a year now, and I'm convinced that I'm the only sane one left in my family, yet I'm the youngest, and have the least amount of power to change anything or to take care of anyone.

I almost dont even want to take care of anyone at this point because theyre all a bunch of nutcases, and I don't need that type of insanity in my life.

I want to move out and forget that I ever had a family but idk what to do. I worry about my mom and want her to feel loved again, and feel like she has people on her side, but I also want this new bird which was foolishly brought into this insane asylum to live. However I see the writing on the wall and I'm sure she will kill him too. Which will depress the entire family.

If I sit back and do nothing, I lose.
If i try to say something and get her help, I lose and my Mom loses.

Can anybody offer any advice regarding the situation??

Thanks for your posting. This is a very difficult situation and you are too young to deal with it alone. I suggest that, first, you get some counseling for support. You don't need medication; you need emotional support. You need to talk to a professional about how to handle the situation. To what extent have you and your older brother talked about it?

I am not a mental health specialist but it sounds like your mom might have a form of schizophrenia. While you don't benefit from meds; with this condition she will. My recommendation would be this: You and your brother tell mom that it's time she saw a doctor about this condition because she cannot treat the "bugs" inside of her body but an MD can. Make the appointment and alert the MD beforehand of the problem. MDs can prescribe. While your mom may not go to a psychiatrist, she can receive meds from an MD that may help enough to eventually convince her otherwise.

Put the bird in your room and get a lock for the door. Make sure your brother sees an attorney about the accident and is compensated to the max for his injuries, especially if they will disable him for life. Make plans to go away to college and get on with the most important thing - YOUR LIFE.

I agree with everything unhappyguy says.

I hope you can find the support you need here at psychcentral. You are living in a very difficult situation that would make it hard for anybody to cope.

It sounds like your mother is just a bit eccentric? You know as old people get older, they aren't quite as sharp as they used to be. I am sure she everything will be fine.

How sad. Poor you, to 'witness' day in, day out, the invisible bugs. Your Mum needs help. Insist on a Doctor's home visit, maybe unannounced to your Mum. MAKE him see, how unwell she is. Talking to her at this stage is pointless. Clear the house of the cleaning and chemical stuff. Tell her, no bugs, no cleaning. You can't drag her to a Doctor, but you can insist, he visits her, at home. That should relieve some pressure off you. Don't walk away, she's your Mum. You only get one. Don't support her either directly, in the fantasy she's engulfed in. Just support her emotionally. Be cruel to be kind. Tough love. She needs help. Make sure, insist on it. To the home, so the Dr. See's it as it is, non bugs and all. That , in turn helps you. Don't walk away, but don't try to do it alone. Call that Doctor, INSIST, home visit. She needs help. You , need help, to help your Mum.

You need to get a full nuro psychological exam at this age it could be tons of things Alzheimer comes to mind right away.

I'm sorry you are going through this. And I am sorry but in my honest opinion i think the next time she doed something unsafe to herself or threatens suicide or even starts going off about these bugs you should call 911 and have them come out
Tell them everything you told us
Tell them you fear she is a harm to herself and needs help right away. Hopefully they will take her in on a 24 hour hold and get to the bottom of this. It will be tough to do but if she refuses help for herself it must be done. Your brother likely has wrecked twice because his mind is preoccupied worrying about your mother. Don't have bad feelings towards her something. is very wrong here and she can't help it more than likely. I wish you the best.

though we cant diagnose your mother we can tell you whether we have encountered the same thing...I have. a few different times. the first time totally freaked me out because I too believed this person had lost their mind, gone crazy, was mental, had a mental breakdown.... turned out this person had scabbies, scabbies is a small bug like fleas and lice only they live on and inside the human body. if not treated they can invade every part of a persons body. short version the scabbie bugs live under the skin causing a person to itch to no end. they burrow trails under the skin living off the human blood. just like lice and fleas they can infest the house. the only way to get rid of them is through an antibiotic ointment that is spread on the infected persons body most times starting with the neck and on down including every wrinkle,crack and crevice. the second time I encountered this problem it turned out the person was in the 40-70 age bracket and was going through menopause. a physical condition all women go through that causes hot flashes, mood swings and can include dry skin, itching that can feel like your body is infested with bugs. there are things like the birth control pill that can make things easier but its mostly just something a woman in that age bracket goes through. other encounters with this turned out to be things like cancers, dementia and other mental/physical things.

I know you dont like doctors but the only way that you, your mom and brother will know what this is in your mom and h ow best to treat it is by contacting your moms treatment providers and getting her in for treatment.

You right it could be scabbies and they could drive one nuts from the itch. A sign can be tiny bumps it the webs of the fingers.

I does sound like scabbies, you should look into it

I'm sorry for all this chaos going on in your house. Are there any visible rashes or bites all these times your mother thought there were bugs? Rinsing her eyes with borax solution is dangerous and putting it on bird/pet is dangerous too. She needs to tell all this to her doctor and tell her this every time she complains. This sounds like a serious issue that needs a doctors care. How does your mother support herself? I feel if this was menopause it would have showed itself earlier. You may have to make the tough decision to save yourself and move out.

I am sorry that you have to go through this, and feel very sorry for that poor, poor bird. My father is similar to your mother. He is an "attention" seeker and is very very mentally ill. He also has alzhemiers (among other things to put it mildly) and "imagines" all kinds of things that are "happening to HIM". From people chasing him to and 'infestation" of some kind or another. The best thing to happen to him was that he went into hallunications and was taken to a hospital for evaluation. He is slightly medicated which makes life easier for me, he does not have as many outbursts. A lot of his personality is histronic and he likes everyone to "rush" to him when he is having some kind of imaginary occurances. He thrives on the attention. It could be that your mother is going through some kind of "attention drama". I can't evaluate your mother, but it sounds like you are completely out of your element with her, and she needs some kind of intervention with professionals.

Wow what a plateful! First, I don't see anywhere in your post regarding what her MD has advised. She needs a complete physical with blood work up and maybe more... as what is causing this could be a legitimate medical issue and not psychological.

However, it could be what you suppose.
I would suggest that BEFORE you get a professional opinion regarding her mind that the family have her create a TRUST and designate people as Trustee and also a Durable Power of Attorney and a Health Care Surrogate. This will keep the State from taking over her life and property, and keep it in the family.

Be sure to talk with her doctor when she goes, first write down, document, what she did or said when so that it won't become a shouting match in which the MD has no idea who is telling the truth.

I read you don't like drugs and I hear ya on that... I know when my dad began to "go off the deep end" we were able to figure out he needed Selenium...which balanced him right out...but you need help to figure it out I think.
Praying that it's something physical that has caused this imbalance...and that her fears and issues will be resolved.

WHAT?!

Anyway, I'm really sorry for the loss of your bird. I know that pets can be really good friends. I'm also sorry that you find yourself in this situation, which is not something that you should ever have to "handle" at your age.

In fact, at any age, you wouldn't be able to fix things for her. She needs to fix things herself, being an adult, and the first step to take would be to see a doctor. Since you've recommended this multiple times (and indeed it's just common sense) and she has angrily refused, it seems safe to say that she won't do it - and definitely not at your behest.

She is going to keep on doing exactly what she's doing. You also cannot make her stop using unsafe chemicals on herself and on the house. If you take them away, she will just buy more, and probably threaten to disown you again.

Since you cannot change her behavior, I would recommend changing your own (I say this in the most uncritical way possible, since you seem mature beyond your years and I'm sure you take responsibility for yourself already). I very strongly suggest that you move out. Take the bird with you. Sure, maybe it's technically hers or your brother's, but they can't do much to stop you - just don't give any warning that you're taking the bird if you think they might. It's probably only a matter of time before she starts harming the new bird as well.

In the meantime, I agree with the suggestion to keep the bird in your room and get a padlock for your door! If she sulks or rages, ignore her. She is probably not physically capable of overpowering you at this point, and she will resort guilt-tripping or yelling. Don't listen.

You may repeat to her, while you're moving out and afterward, that you're happy to help her arrange a doctor's appointment. That's really the only thing you can do, if she'll let you - it's what she needs.

I agree that you should encourage your brother to try and get insurance money from the car accidents. It's very sad to hear that he'll probably be disabled. There is indeed a good chance that he's gotten in so many accidents recently because home life is very stressful. If you guys are close, you may want to encourage him to move out too.

Good luck!

I have been having the same problem as your Mother for almost a year now! I have had MRI's brain scans, nerve conduction tests, etc. They have decided that I am just crazy and are giving me a ton of meds. They haven't given me much hope of ever being free of these "monsters"! I feel for your Mom!!! Can you imagine what it's like to have to lay down on a bed that feels like its moving or has bugs or "monsters" in it? It really really sucks! That's what the meds are for! TOO WEIRD! I am interested to know how this is going and I have a ton of advice if you are still interested. I have connected the stress to the level of "freaking out" also. My Mom lives with me & doesn't know how to deal with me when I'm trippin! I think I would really just like to know that she cares and a hug. I'm so sorry this is happening to your family too.

Good Luck,

Fretwobeme

This maybe delusions, OCD, anxiety....but your mum does need to see a pdoc. She doesn't have to take meds if she doesn't want to but they could refer her for cbt therapy. Remember for some meds help them live a functional life so it's not all bad news about meds. Also I believe certain psychiatric illnesses are a disease and in part caused by brain abnormalities so don't completely rule out meds.

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