Balance?

I'm trying to learn a balance between compassion/kindness/empathy and firmness/bluntness. (firm, NOT mean) And that includes whether to walk away straight away when I feel I am being misjudged or abused, or to attempt to defend myself Or even....... shocked expression.... resolve conflict. Although that is not my favourite idea at the moment as it has caused me endless pain..... my attempts to resolve something with those who aren't really even fighting with me, but with someone from their past

I am thinking maybe some here might relate...........

Fuzzy, I definitely relate. I can tell you that defending myself has never worked. The other person always has an argument to throw back at me. I do a lot of walking away. It makes me feel bad and stupid and like a failure, but it's the easiest thing to do. Figuring out how to tell yourself that it's the other person's problem, not yours -- that I don't have down yet either.



Candy

Thanks Candy, I also need to remain aware that there are some people who are not ready to hear the "truth"....... and use Denial, Projection, and a whole bunch of unhealthy defences. It gets tiring

I'm sorry you can relate... it sucks.


Fuzzy

Fuzzy,

This is a GREAT question that I've struggled with my entire life...being a survivor of abuse...fearing not being believed...going into defensive mode really quickly.

So far I've learned, and chosen to hold on to, this...

I can't control what others think of me. I can try. I can wear myself out trying, in fact. That just gets me into a deeper depression/anxiety.

That said, I think there's a huge difference in explaining myself and attempting to defend myself. I try to do the first, but if the other person isn't "getting it", it can quickly turn into defending myself, and I'll back away...for myself.

I think the line should be drawn with most of those mentioned above to a "damage line". I ask myself, "Is this causing more harm than good?"

KD

Thanks kimmy.... good reply

I think those are good replies, sometimes walking away, even when we ourselves do not like it, it's a thing we may have to do, for the person will never get it, or refuses to, thinking they are always right and they'll never consider the way you feel or points you may have.
Walking away can save you from further conflict, preventing further hurt.
Just my 2 cents.

((((((((((( Fuzzy ))))))))))))

Thanks darkeyes..... I am starting to feel more sorry for people like that than anything else really, as they must be very unhappy. And indifferent towards them too, even if I have invested a lot emotionally in any "relationship" in the past

Indifference is so much healthier in such a "toxic" situation than being consumed by hate or anger

((((((((((((( darkeyes )))))))))))))))))

I walk away alot fuzzy...sometimes it may look like a sign of weakness to others...but to me I know it is a sign of strength...it is not easy to turn the other cheek...it would be easier to lash back but I figure why cause more harm then good...like Kimmy says...sometimes walking away is the right thing to do...

Thank you sweetie (((((((((((((( Bethsway ))))))))))))))

((((((((((fuzzybear)))))))))))))

Gee there are so many great replies in this thread!! I think all of you are awesome!!

Like Kimmy and Bethsway-- I walk away most times. I agree with Bethsway-- it is the stronger reaction--- to not put yourself in a place to cause more hurt for anyone. I try not to dwell on the negative of the interaction and hold on to whatever amount of self-assurance I can muster up.(this can be a very huge struggle though )

Fuzzy---

(((((((((((((((( Bethsway )))))))))))))))))

Mandy