[recordplayer]

Hey, it's been noticely like this the past couple years. But now that I think about it, it may have been my whole life. It's like anything that I may fail, i don't even try and already accept failure, so i can't fail. I make my goals ones that i no way can fail so that i dont. In school, classes that im really good at (rare classes) i try super hard and get 100% and i know i will get perfect. but a class where i might not do so well. even if it is an easy project, ill put it off until a week after it is due and then if i try to even open the textbook, i get so many negative thoughts and self loathing thoughts and my body just wants to do ANYTHING but that. Or even anything else in life. I can go to get my drivers liscense but i wont. i dont want a bank account or cell phone or house or wife or kids or job or anything. and i did so bad last year and i procastinated like youd never know. people procastinate, but not like me. I just didnt even do half the stuff. everything was done weeks after it was due. i basically had to beg gyudance to let me pass. now im starting grade twelve and i cant dont want to fail the year again. Im feeling really bad right now, because i want to do stuff in life. but if i stop wanting to do stuff in life and just give up, then i wont feel bad anymore and thats what ive always been doing forever and i dont want to give up, but i physically cant do anything, too many bad emotions and i am a tough guy even though from what i wrote it doesnt sound like it, but i cant even handle the bad feelings i get when i try to succeed. Ahhh. Im having a panic attack. I need to give up. I have a project due tommorow and i dont have the right stuff to do it and im so ****ed holy ****. I would stop feeling this bad if i gave up. Help me please. Sorry im so annoying

Breathe. Its going to be ok.

It feels hard being that age, I can understand why you are overwhelmed. Take a moment and sort out your thoughts, see what is bothering you the most and make an active plan. Life gets a whole lot harder when you finish school, when you look back you will realise that getting stuck in a cycle of negative thinking is just tiring and unhelpful. Make an effort to challenge those negative thoughts and you will see a change in your life.

[Presephonee]

Hi, this must be very confusing for you, but have you thought about seeing a psychologist and therapist. They can really help you to get your feelings straightened out. Have you ever thought about posting this on the emotions forum? You might get more feedback there. Good luck and hopefully everything works out for you in the end!

[recordplayer]

I dont like therapists nor want to see one. Im perfect today. Just had a bad night. Yea maybe this belongs on emotions. This always happens. Im perfectly fine except 3 days per month where i go nuts. I get super angry or super sad or both. I get suicidal. Want to self harm. Im fine otherwise. Just sometimes go crazy

[recordplayer]

Ok im trying to sort out my thoughts of whats bothering me. They are the following. I find it difficult to do stuff and get it done. I dont do as well in school as i could. I worry about leeping my girlfriend happy. I stress about after high school as i may fail everything or not get into anything or not get any jobs. I want a job i like and care so much about the money. I also feel guilty because i dont love my family and feel like a bad person cause i dont. I need a job again so i can afford my booze. Im trying not get addicted to niccotine. I keep fantasizing and dreaming about a future i want but worry because i dont think my family and friends would approve and i am afraid of rejection by everyone. I wish i could show more emotion because i really care about people like my wonderful girlfriend but i suck at expressing it. Also me and my girlfriend are getting much closer snd trying new things. But im kind of afraid that i decieved her and somehow led her to believe im attractive. But under my clothes im an ugly hairy troll. As well im just kind of nervous. And i am optimistic on life. But im very pessimistic and judgemental about people. Im always muttering sarcastic grumpy judgemental nasty comments about people which i dont think are so bad, i find it kind of funny. But my gf doesnt like it and shes kind of right. But i find it so hard to stop. Also my dad is kind of verbally emotionally abusive and i find this hard. I feel bad because i kind of manipulate my mom. Thats all thats been going on. The end.

[recordplayer]

Thanks for the replies!