[Edda]

I have to say I learnt a lot here. On a good day I tend to think it was a fantastic and insightful decision to come here. I even feel close to some.

At other times I feel muted, gagged, being ganged upon. It really infuriates me.

I guess at one point people will just say "**** off if you don't like like it".

I don't know. I struggle a lot with my sense of justice and the rage that comes from injustice.

It often feels truly vain to post here because if I express what is truly going on; be it pain or a strong opinion - I will just get muted. Silenced, eventually.

One thinks all this talk becomes somewhat revolting and all one can really appreciate is actions. Actions that no one will miss!

Well... I'm not in the best mindset.

I feel ya, but I hope you don't do something so drastic as all that ... !!!

[Switch]

I know what you mean, I think. I use to post a lot on here, then life happened and I stopped. Recently life is happening again, so I started again. I use to find some of my darkest posts and most pent up feelings I would express wouldn't get an answer, or would get an answer that had completely missed the point. Or even something as simple as "don't give in and hold in there as hard as you can". Can be further depressing if that's all that was there. Though that being said sometimes it can be nice.

However, in some of the more debate sections, I learned to keep my more out there opinions to myself. That being said, I have met a lot of people on this site with very different opinions to the norms.

I guess the trick for me has always been trying to find the balance between getting the most amount of personal help, while not being too bold as to make others feel awkward (or expect that when I do).

To conclude, I don't really know anything about you Edda, so I hope that this isn't way off topic and maybe even helps a bit. Here's a comic that basically sums up how I feel sometimes, both here and elsewhere. Luckily not everyone's like that though:

[waggiedog]

Yeah I hear you alright, people think I'm ''all polite'', they don't know what's just under the surface ~ the same as it is for you really. When the Psych Dr's given up and says '' we don't want to know '', because I '' don't conform '' and tell it like it is ~ wouldn't matter if I did just go out and '' do it '' ~ bet there'd be something they could do then eh? HUGS. xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[(JD)]

It sounds like you're in the process of healing. Perhaps PC has allowed you a safe enough place to express those issues safely?

I've been to "other places" and find PC is still the most civil (other than in a designated Christian-only forum) place around. Other places tend to overlook acting out and attacks on others, and in fact, often have unstable moderators who lead the band!

Yes, there are those who are here that do attack others--some on purpose (they don't last long at that level) and most because of their own disorders. But, like you, we realize that some days are worse than others, and as long as you come back up for air and play nice again, we're still friends.

[atomicc]

I tend to agree with you all. I'm only a new member but it seems to me it's a more surface support system. The more deep and dark issues we all have are mostly our own and it's hard for others to understand. There's a lot of disturbing things I struggle with that I don't think I could ever feel comfortable sharing here for fear of reactions or worse..being ignored.
I do love it here and think it's very unique for what it is. I look forward every day to coming here and trying to help others!

[(JD)]

Perhaps you're too new to realize who does understand and who are safe to share with? It's a good thing, to wait till you're pretty sure. I'm personally curious as to what forums and for how long you've posted and chatted... sometimes when people suffer they don't come here daily and may have missed you.

I read some pretty deep therapy stuff around the site...and have been in some very "sharing" chats as well.

I think you'll find others who truly do understand the dark side --and care. But also remember that while you might be holding back, so will others who have to protect themselves...and any "newbie" who hasn't been nice and sweet in all their posts WILL be watched longer by other suffering souls before they venture into helping. (But as I said, we all know we all have some days better than others.)

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by (JD)

I've been to "other places" and find PC is still the most civil ]place around. Other places tend to overlook acting out and attacks on others, and in fact, often have unstable moderators who lead the band!
.

I second that notion! Edda, don't really know what occurred, but I feel I know where. Either way, hun, if there's anything I've learned ^^^(elsewhere), it's better to be muted sooner and shown what and why, than to be tossed out, because of a bait and switch!(^^) ((you cannot believe how heartwrenching it feels to be somewhere for 6 years and be ousted, over what? blue jeans, perhaps??? ))

A quick mute, and a hi/hello with a why, is soooo much better than what is out there!

Hope you stay around and feel better about whatever it may be, soon

[Edda]

Thank you all.

I'm actually profoundly grateful for all the advice, cartoons and suggestions about what might be going on.

I guess - for me - it all boils down to the fact that I genuinely want to participate, even help if I can but I still want to be able to stick to my guns and not being muted when expressing my values.

Frankly, I think it is impossible.

I don't know - I really, really hate compromise and I am so very keen to find a way to be honest and genuine yet supportive, in keeping with the community guidelines.

Maybe an impossible task...

(sad little smile ... )

Originally Posted by Edda

...I guess - for me - it all boils down to the fact that I genuinely want to participate, even help if I can but I still want to be able to stick to my guns and not being muted when expressing my values.

This isn't specifically aimed toward anyone, I just thought it appropriate to the discussion:

“It's okay to disagree with the thoughts or opinions expressed by other people. That doesn't give you the right to deny any sense they might make. Nor does it give you a right to accuse someone of poorly expressing their beliefs just because you don't like what they are saying. Learn to recognize good writing when you read it, even if it means overcoming your pride and opening your mind beyond what is comfortable.”
― Ashly Lorenzana

I think, maybe, as some of us are growing up we tend to equate some concepts incorrectly. So for example, when I was young I came to see [at first], that when someone disagreed with me, it meant they were wrong- universally, positively wrong. And that particular sense of wrong had to be an absolute.

It took me a very long time, and a lot of exposure to different people and challenging situations, a couple breakdowns [um, ok more than a couple], a lot of support and a lot of personal work to be able to start understanding that there are really very very few absolutes.

So when getting into discussions on a mental health support board, you can not really ever assume anything about the person you are addressing, and i don't actually know if you, Edda, or anyone else has this thought or ones similar to it.

And it should be a simple thought, but it isn't- we only know our experience but since we only know what we experience it does not often occur without prompting that others experience the world differently.

Frankly, I think it is impossible.

I don't know - I really, really hate compromise and I am so very keen to find a way to be honest and genuine yet supportive, in keeping with the community guidelines.

Maybe an impossible task...

I personally don't think this is impossible.
I think it can be difficult and frustrating. I think there can be blows to the ego, I think it can take a lot of work.

I know in trying to communicate with people- here and pretty much anywhere ever- to do so effectively, at least half the time I've had to start with the mindset of assuming I know nothing about the other person or persons involved in the conversation... and actually?
I tend to stick my foot in my mouth much less that way.

But it's hard to speak with a measure of confidence to provide support and yet assume ignorance about a situation- yet doing so enforces the need for all parties to cooperate and also share and express vital information, thoughts, ideas, opinions.

Communication is tricky. It's often difficult to know if you are being successful.
Often you don't understand the magnitude of a failure until some sort blacklash.

But, I guess that kind of excitement it what makes life enriching... or that's what I like to think to myself whenever I find I am again muffled by my sneaker.

:P

Anyway-
my $.02

Though quite long, so maybe as much as $.04.

[optimize990h]

Well, I look at PC as being representative of society, but with members who may have not have got through the same experiences, but who can share similiar emotions and feelings. That is how I feel about PC.

I understand the difficulties of the nuances of working on self and interacting with others in an environment that attempts to preserve the best parts of us in a supportive way.

Sometimes I feel like coloring outside the lines, but I need those lines to preserve my motivation to continue. Life seems like that sometimes while I am reeling myself in to preserve my energies for the next day or hour.

So, continue on, don't lose heart, PC is a good place. One or the other of us struggle from day to day with each of us in our own challenges.We lean on each other to manage to make it to the end of the day each of us in our own way. Take what you like, leave the rest behind. Let go and let a higher power take over if need be. And thanks for posting because then I could not write these words which I need now and for other times of my needs.
Take care.

Originally Posted by Edda

I have to say I learnt a lot here. On a good day I tend to think it was a fantastic and insightful decision to come here. I even feel close to some.

At other times I feel muted, gagged, being ganged upon. It really infuriates me.

I guess at one point people will just say "**** off if you don't like like it".

I don't know. I struggle a lot with my sense of justice and the rage that comes from injustice.

It often feels truly vain to post here because if I express what is truly going on; be it pain or a strong opinion - I will just get muted. Silenced, eventually.

One thinks all this talk becomes somewhat revolting and all one can really appreciate is actions. Actions that no one will miss!

Well... I'm not in the best mindset.

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks for this thread


Fuzzy

[Patagonia]

I was in a forum for 8 months. Dissociated very badly & no one understood DID although many said they did. I was quickly banned & not given a chance to explain my side of the story. It led to over 60 nasty, contempt filled, hatred sounding replies of what a horrible person I am/was. I'm still devastated by it & how much damage it's caused me & in T.
I'll never be that open again.
I come here looking for friendship & an end to loneliness.