Hopefully god will strike me down soon

I can't find a balance in life. I know I have a lot of growing up to do, but I felt better every time i went off my meds. My feelings, imagination, and creativity all returned.

However, I sometimes feel like I'm going to have to re-up the dose of my antipsychotics, and I'm going to have to live a numbed out life.

I'm doing miserably in grad school and may fail out/have to drop out.

I feel like such an evil person for the things I've done in life and the intrusive thoughts I get from time to time.

I think I need to work on being honest.


I can't find a balance in life, I wish I could just go off my meds and hear some music for goodness sake. I'll always think there's something special about creative music.

Balance is so hard, I struggle with it too though I am not on medication. You are not an evil or even bad person, you are wonderful and should try complimenting yourself every time you give yourself an insult, even if you don't believe it at first. I have found this helps. Also, honesty is so hard, but I finally told a close friend about my depression and unhealthy coping mechanisms and it seemed to really help me. Good luck!