[IowaFarmGal]

I got my funding set and started back to the DBT class. I had missed a few weeks because of Mom's radiation treatments and a death in the family and then the change over to medicaid took a bit to come through. They were into a unit on Anger Management and I hadn't seen any of the material. We were supposed to set some goals related to six statements at the end of the chapter. I couldn't
pick a goal, the statements some of them were very troubling to me. I was anxious to the point of spacing out and I was trying to explain what I was having trouble with to the instructors. I wasn't angry and then I had a sudden spaced out anger episode like I was hearing it at a distance then the next second I was back and a bit bewildered but not angry. I'm just wondering how I can ever control something like that when I don't know it's coming.

[Rand.]

Well you're asking the right questions I think. I noticed your question hadn't been responded to so I want you to at least know that someone sees and understands. Feeling out of control like that must have also been a bit scary, at least it would have been for me. Maybe if it was a first time thing it might not happen again, hopefully. But if it were to, I don't know what to say of what to do. Maybe that would be good to bring up next session? I hope someone else here has some ideas for you.

[IowaFarmGal]

Thank you for answering. It isn't the first time. It's been triggered at work and I lost my job a few times. I did talk to my T about it. She said I controlled things really well 90 percent of the time and asked me if I could have stopped it. I know I couldn't have. I didn't even have a second to realize it was happening. She said that part is powerful, she's seen it a few times in session.

[IowaFarmGal]

One of the things was taking responsibility for my behavior. To me that says not matter how abusive the working environment and how badly I was treated and how long it went on everything is my fault and I deserve not to ever have a job again. Why can't I have a life like other people manage to do?

[tomsmith101]

Well I can't tell you much about how to control these outbursts, but I can tell you what I think right? This idea that taking responsibility for your actions equals being able to take abuse for extended periods of time is wrong. That seems incredibly toxic your mental well-being. I think reviewing the outbursts and figuring out what emotions, feelings, stresses were going on at the time would be beneficial. I hope with enough review you will find a common denominator. Honestly, rooting out the cause and reviewing it in a sort of third-person perspective is the only way I make sense of my anger. Not that it makes any sense... but hey ! Gotta try right?

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by tomsmith101

This idea that taking responsibility for your actions equals being able to take abuse for extended periods of time is wrong.

Agree.

I think reviewing the outbursts and figuring out what emotions, feelings, stresses were going on at the time would be beneficial. I hope with enough review you will find a common denominator. Honestly, rooting out the cause and reviewing it in a sort of third-person perspective is the only way I make sense of my anger.

I agree again. It lets you slow down your reaction over time, and you can examine more what happens, and then make some sense of it. But it isn't easy to do that. It takes practice.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((( IowaFarmGal ))))))))

[Perna]

Originally Posted by IowaFarmGal

One of the things was taking responsibility for my behavior. To me that says no matter how abusive the working environment and how badly I was treated and how long it went on everything is my fault and I deserve not to ever have a job again.

Whoa! You are only responsible for yourself and how you present yourself and it sounds like you want to learn how to express your anger and set boundaries in the working environment so work situations do not get out of hand/explode so that you have to respond equally. The "everything is my fault" and not "deserving" to have a job are rarely the case and one does not "deserve" jobs anyway, one wants, applies for, and is hired for a job because everyone wants to work together and thinks it will work out. It probably won't forever, work needs change, and what we want for ourselves changes, etc.

Work with your T to learn how to set boundaries with others on how you want to be treated. One cannot know who or how one will treat us "badly" but when they do, one says at that very moment, very specifically what one feels has gone wrong and makes sure what we think/feel is the way it actually is and that we do not misunderstand and then we decide what we want to do for ourselves about it. We could ignore it because we don't work with that person/care, it does not directly affect us; speak up and tell whoever we do not like it; speak up and tell whoever we will not tolerate such words/behavior on the part of that person and if they say/do whatever again we will file a complaint or take legal action or quit or whatever it is we decide we want to do. If we are pretty sure the person is not going to stop/be influenced by our view of how we want to be treated (some bosses/owners of companies, etc.) we start making our own plans/looking for other jobs, etc. so we can leave anyway as it does not look like where we are is healthy for us.

But one needs to learn self esteem to feel good about one's self, want to support one's self in order to be able to know you are in control and responsible for yourself. Taking responsibility for yourself after bad behavior so one can correct one's mistakes is less enjoyable than being responsible "in front" and having a "plan" (practice in standing up for one's self and what one wants and boundaries in place).