[Rio_]

...when I'm crying, or on the verge of tears, why do people insist on asking me what's wrong or if I want to talk about it? I know they mean well, but it does not help! It actually makes things worse - it reminds me what I'm upset about, and that makes me want to cry more. And the last thing I want to do is cry in front of other people - I hate making a scene. All I want to do is to be left alone so I can calm myself down. When I've managed that, sure, I can talk about what's bothering me, but how am I supposed to speak when I'm choked up? Am I the only person who finds very difficult to talk and cry at the same time?

(This makes me sound really rude, doesn't it. )

No you don't sound rude there are many people that I know that would rather have people wait until they reach out in times of trouble instead of being burried by other people trying to step in and take care of the situation when they are not a part of the situation and or like is happening with me these days some people trying to be helpful are actually seeing problems where there are none.

In either case sometimes it is better to wait for someone to reach out then to bombard them trying to help and fix the situations for them.

Hang in there.

[Rio_]

Thanks, myself. I'm glad I'm not the only one.

Your'e welcome.
and no you are not the only one.

[Boopers]

That's a tough one. Yes, people want to help and they probably don't realize that you don't want to talk about it so the only thing to do is tell them you are too upset right now to talk but thanks anyways. I'm sorry that makes you mad and know that you don't want to think about what is upsetting you but you must be showing it in your facial expressions to them that you are upset.
Sorry I'm not really helping. I think I probably shouldn't have even posted as I am down too!!
Hope you feel better soon.
Linda

[(JD)]

Do your best to act like you are hiding the tears, and maybe they will get the hint that you don't wish to discuss them?? I know with myelopathy (and MS) it is very common for tears to begin to roll down our faces...often for "no reason" (of course there's always a reason, but maybe just medical?) The thing with MS groups though, we ALL know and understand and don't need to "discuss" anything!

Just tell them it happens sometimes. (((hugs)))

[SeptemberMorn]

Guess it depends on the person. I get more upset when a good friend or family member doesn't acknowledge my tears... when the reason isn't obvious.

Just tell those that ask "Later, ok?"

[biiv]

I like SeptemberMorn's suggestion. I also find if i keep busy and moving a lot people are loathe to stop me to find out whats wrong. im sorry you re upset by this. take care.

[Wants2Fly]

I think it's hard for people to know the right thing to do. I can empathize with your wanting to be left alone, too. September's suggestion sounds about right.

[Perna]

People can be thoughtless around another because the other person's behavior frightens or triggers them in some way they haven't examined. Lots of people get upset when someone else is crying and just want it to "stop" so run in to see if they can get it to stop rather than thinking about what they know of the person and whether they'd like intervention or even merely asking a simple, "do you want/need help."

I didn't understand about that (and still rush in lots of times :-) until I observed my husband's versus my behavior, my "helpfulness" and my husband's stand-offishness but I know my husband is a very caring, helpful person so I wondered and finally asked him about it. He explained how he feels offering to help someone is condescending, assumes the other person needs/wants help, especially your help. He waits until someone asks for his help. I think too it has a little to do with how he was raised/his being male. I was trained by my stepmother to look around and find things that needed "doing" -- clear empty glasses, pick up trash, empty ashtrays, etc. at a party, that sort of thing so I'm always scanning my environment to see if I can "help" in any way. But I think men are not taught so much to worry about such things when they're growing up, don't offer to help their hostess in the kitchen :-) etc. But it was an interesting eye opener for me to see this other side of "help" that assuming someone else needs help because I might in the same situation is not checking reality/jumping to conclusions and can appear arrogant and condescending.

[Rio_]

Thanks, Boopers. I'll try that next time...although with any luck next time won't be for a while!

[Rio_]

(((Sky))) Thanks. I do try and hide them, but I guess I'm not very good at it - people usually notice. (This is probably a stupid question, but what's myelopathy? I've never heard of it. )

[Rio_]

Thanks, SeptemberMorn. It probably does depend on the person, you're right.

[Rio_]

Thanks, biiv. I've tried that before, and it can work, depending on the situation.

[Rio_]

Thanks, Wants2Fly. You're right - everybody's different, and it's hard to tell what someone wants if you don't tell them! I just don't find that at all easy.

[Rio_]

Thanks, Perna. That's a good point, I hadn't thought of it.