What would cause a person to go against their own nature?

What would cause a person to go against their own nature?

I'm gonna try to explain this simply, lol. I'm basically trying to understand what's been going on in my life.

As a kid, I was your average kid - bubbly, sensitive, adventurous.
As a teenager, I was in a school environment where I was uncomfortable. I became withdrawn, unnaturally quiet/silent at school, depressed, anxious.
In college (never received proper counseling for my high school days), I was aloof and almost compulsively perfectionistic.

I'm 24 now. I'm happy to report that, through A LOT of soul-searching and counseling sessions, I have managed to finally reach that person who was underneath all that pain.

I'm no longer withdrawn, quiet/silent, depressed or aloof. I've shed most of my perfectionism and I take something for anxiety.

I look back at those really bad stages in my life (because I'm still reminded of them) and I realize that I was going against my nature many times. I wanted more friends, but I ignored a lot of people. I wanted to be spontaneous, but I stuck my nose in a book. Can you see how that would've made for a miserable existence? I was doing the opposite of what I really wanted.

Do you think that was due to depression, anxiety, hormones and just trying to find ways to cope with being in a school with high expectations?

It's still an awkward transition. Some days I feel so conflicted because I was coping badly for YEARS. Now that I'm somewhat healthier, it's like I'm finally feeling like myself again after so long--but I still have memories that are like zingers to my spirit sometimes. So, I have some moments when I feel off or out of it.

Idk sometimes I wonder if I'm dealing with some form of PTSD, though I'm careful with that because there wasn't some serious physical trauma. It was more like a series of events that seriously disrupted the flow of my life and my sense of self/personhood.

ignorance (no one to help you learn how), "depression, anxiety, hormones and just trying to find ways to cope with being in a school with high expectations" Sounds like you are doing fine, now, that's great!

What you say in your last paragraph is very insightful. Psychologist Donald Winnicot called it "the false self" - you hide your true feelings - as you say, go against your nature - because your natural reactions are not well received by those around you. They prefer you to act differently and you respond to that pressure. As a child you have no choice.

It's definitely possible for someone to be pressured enough to act in a way that's against their nature that they do.

In fact, I spent the majority of my life believing that if I wasn't the perfect, cooperative little girl who always complimented or harmonized and never debated, argued, or analyzed, then I wouldn't be loved or accepted by anyone. I'm much happier without the people I tried to please and with a new environment, though I had to cut out of my life an old friend who pushed me to do things even he thought were bad for me because it would make me more socially acceptable. Between that and the developing prescription drug problem, anyway.

Glad you are learning to recognize the different stages mina mango and that you are better This will help you in your future when, and hopefully not, when you may experience another episode or depression. Believe it has a lot to do with hormones at that age, and the fact that you did not receive the hep you needed at the time. I experienced some very dramatic events as a young child and wish these had been addressed better at the time Now years later, I am discovering where my issues started. Just my thoughts Again, glad you are better!!!!

Im sorry but we are unable to make a diagnosis of what caused your problems....heres why....for me what you posted fell into puberty, abuse, bipolar disorder, childhood schizophrenia, dissociative disorders, Multiple Sclerosis, fatigue, sleep deprivation, eating disorder related problems and many more things. what if I told you what you posted was just puberty or anxiety and it turned out you had a terminal disease... or the other way around what if I told you, what you posted was antisocial disorder with oppositional defiance disorder and .....well you get the picture....my telling you what your problems are with out being your actual treatment provider I could be causing you a great deal more harm ....which is why here we are not allowed to diagnose each other....

what I can say is that...

in ......general..... for some people what you posted is just normal life and growing up, for others it can be any number of millions upon millions of causes, diagnosis's both on the physical end and on the mental end...if you google each of those symptoms you posted over 5 million results of what this can be and what caused it could be...

my suggestion is continue to follow your own treatment providers. they are the ones that know you in real time (off computer) and they are the ones that have all your records that show what this problem is with in you. talk with them, they can go over your health (physical and mental) records and show you what each of your problems are called and what treatment plans you have been on in the past and present and why.

Mental disorder insanity addiction codependency to name a few

Wow! I googled this and it is exactly what I was doing. Exactly. I wish there was more info on how to deal/treat it other than it just being a theory. I never heard of this before...thank you.

Thanks to everyone who responded so far.

I was always told as a child to 'be more like (insert name, often varies)'
I wasn't bubbily enough or what have you. I viewed the world in different layers and was unhappy with what I saw. I saw things for what they were. I couldn't possibly be bubbily and pretend in a world like this.
There are certain groups of people I can be extremely bubbily around, but not everyone.

Fear, it causes a lot of people to go against their own nature and against their beliefs.

Confusion. It's extremely easy to get confused and fumble with your identity especially if a person is suffering from a mental disorder.
Alan Watts (Eastern Philosopher, Lecturer) talks about Western Society and how the "true self" is killed. The Hindu religion is based around the fact that the true self is smothered and consequently does not show itself.