[lovemeformexo]

I'm new here and have been suffering from OCD religious thoughts for about a year and a half. I was on zyprexa but psychiatrist took me off of it I was doing better. Now I'm having bad thoughts about going to hell and God hates me. The reason why I feel like God hates me is because I have an addiction to looking at things on the internet. I'm positive that the devil has tempted me and I believed his lies. My health is going downhill I'm convinced that I'm dying. I have isolated myself from everyone. I cry everyday I don't even recognize the person I've become. I feel like there is no hope for me. I have extreme anxiety and am bound to the house. Any suggestions on what to do would be helpful.

Well I'm not one to believe in that but that's beside the point. What I DO believe in though is being honest with oneself and some decent therapy. My choice is CBT. What is the evidence that the god you beieve in hates you? Is there evidence to you this creator doesn't.

As for the behaviour you believe is at the source of this I think you need to evaluate it in terms too of what evidence you have it is evil to you. Perhaps for you it might be a subconcious way of self harming?

Here's a worksheet that may help explore for you why you do the behaviour and developing a strategy to cope and find an alternative. It's called a Behavioral Chain Analysis:

https://www.google.ca/url?sa=t&sourc...aKYss4fSzw_UvQ

In the meantime welcome to PsychCentral. I hope you find it a safe place.

[Skeezyks]

Hello lovemeformexo: I'm an atheist. I accept the explanation for the existence of life on earth that is provided by the theory of evolution. But I also have a strong spiritual / religious streak within me. I don't know why, or where it comes from. Nowadays I'm pretty down-to-earth. But, when I was younger, this streak led me into all sorts of strange thoughts & pursuits.

I presume these sorts of experiences have something to do with genetics & the functioning of the brain. I recall watching a neuroscience program on our local public television station several years ago where it was noted that, by stimulating certain areas of the brain, it is possible to produce mystical experiences. Anyway... from my perspective... I believe the important thing is not get "hooked" by these kinds of thoughts. They are chimera. Therapy, & psych med's if necessary, are the appropriate remedies if you find you cannot break free of such thought patterns on your own. I wish you well...

[lovemeformexo]

Rcat: I believe that the devil has personally attacked me. I read somewhere that if you do not turn from your sin and seek God then you will go to hell. I did not turn from my sin. I am going to seek therapy.

[lovemeformexo]

Skeezyks: Thank you for your advice. I believe the devil has personally attacked me. I'm going to seek therapy.

Originally Posted by lovemeformexo

I'm new here and have been suffering from OCD religious thoughts for about a year and a half. I was on zyprexa but psychiatrist took me off of it I was doing better. Now I'm having bad thoughts about going to hell and God hates me. The reason why I feel like God hates me is because I have an addiction to looking at things on the internet. I'm positive that the devil has tempted me and I believed his lies. My health is going downhill I'm convinced that I'm dying. I have isolated myself from everyone. I cry everyday I don't even recognize the person I've become. I feel like there is no hope for me. I have extreme anxiety and am bound to the house. Any suggestions on what to do would be helpful.

Since you do believe in God have you considered developing your personal relationship with Him/Her/It? Not to ask for forgiveness or help or anything. Just chat and sit still and become friends. Let yourself feel comfortable and at ease with this ever present being and open your heart. God don't make no junk and you are precious in His/Her/It's sight. Chat about your need to use the internet and (like a big brother or sister) God might just chuckle and say "don't be so hard on yourself". Look at the world and all there is and put your behaviour into perspective. Weigh up the 'good' and the 'bad' and you might be surprised how insignificant some things become

I don't know if you've ever seen "Desiderata" - but here's a copy for you...

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence
As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans
Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time
Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism

Be yourself
Especially, do not feign affection
Neither be critical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, Lovemeformexo. It may be helpful to search on the topic of "scrupulosity" or "religious scrupulosity."

[DechanDawa]

Forget about how the distress is manifesting.

You feel like you are dying, you are alone, isolated, housebound. These things are what you should be focusing on.

You didn't say what kinds of things you are looking at on the internet, but whatever it is, it is distressing you so S T O P. Instead, write up a plan of action and stick it on your refrigerator.

Have you thought about getting back to your doctor to discuss medication?

You are not thinking clearly about religion or spirituality but I don't think now is the time for you to be focusing on this. You talked about many things that are wrong. The first is that you are in so much pain you feel like you are dying. To address this is your Number One Priority. You need to do everything in your power to reduce the pain. NOW.

So write up an "take action" plan and stick it up somewhere you can see it - on the frig. - your bathroom mirror. Wherever.

Congrats for coming on Psych Central to seek advice and support.

You were on medication and doing better. Now you are not. Have you considered going back on medication?