[Ripose]

I realized a long time ago that even as a young child (as early as 5-6 yrs) I had many symptoms of MI. My first thoughts of suicide occurred while still in elementary school. I was a loner as I was afraid of most people because most of them were sarcastic, rude, mean, vindictive etc.
I had many disturbing thoughts about harming others and I started to self-harm as well.
Being so young I did not know where to turn, I did not even trust my family enough to tell them how I felt inside

Although I went through a few brief periods of relative normalcy I was always considered to be weird and strange by most people. All I wanted was a friend who could be nice to me. I did have some people I would have called close friends but none of this ever lasted. As the years passed my MI became increasingly severe and obvious to others.

Here I am today 50 years later, right now recovering from serotonin sickness. Nobody except my wife wants anything to do with me.

I don't really want any sympathy I was just very curious if any of you were MI from such a young age as well. I truly hope not but it would give me a belated sense of comfort if someone could identify with me.

Geez, now I sound desperate! I'll post this now before I re-read it and chicken-out.

[saw_q]

well ripose.. i got brain disorder too.. but another name.. but our sign are almost same. anyway at my age 35 now. i try chinease medicine.. and good result is, i in good and steady state.. don't worry about it. all of brains damage signtomps all the same. the things is try don't to freak out. be calm as much as you can. trust you self. actually is not you the problem. the problem is part of our body had damage.. steady ok.

[-jimi-]

Don't know if I was mentally ill, but I started having panic attacks at age 6. I just think it was because I was too sensitive to the world and sort of wondered what the heck I was doing there.

When I was 13 I had a year of tics that probably was a precursor to mental illness, so I guess it started then.

I have always been different though, although didn't really notice until I was a bit older, I sort of should have noticed but there was always other oddballs I could befriend so before kids started acting out maybe at age 13-14, I could live side by side with them, but at that age it dawned on me we're different species.

[splitimage]

Yes, I started having problems at a pretty young age too. I first self injured when I was 10, and wrote my first suicidal poem in grade 4.

I was lucky though, I was able to channel my feelings into writing poetry and debating and so made friends with other people who didn't fit in either, so I had a pretty good high school experience.

Was symptom free, aside from developing a drinking problem in my 20's and loved university.

My MI problems really became apparent in my early 30's, but I'm lucky by then I'd already made some good friends, and we're still friends today.

Don't give up.

splitimage

[Ripose]

I was drunk for the first time when I was 5. I had accidentily set my myself on fire with gasoline and my dad gave me whiskey to kill the pain. I wonder often what effect this had on me in the long run.
Did it cause my alcohol problems? My MI?
Probably a little of both.

[Grey Matter]

I became mentally ill around 6/7. I started having extreme intrusvie thoughts about religion and going to hell (my dads side of the family is off the boat italian, very catholic) then came acting on compulsions. My first panic attack happened when I was about 9. I remember it perfectly.

[lizardlady]

Looking back, I was probably clinically depressed from a very young age i.e. toddler age.

Ripose, it's never too late to get help. I was in my 40s before I got treatment. Life is so much better now.

[Pikku Myy]

I believe mine started around 7 or 8... depression. Panic attacks & anxiety in early teens and was told it was stage fright Never too late to get help. Good luck

[tanjilovi]

I think my MI started at 6 and I thought that somebody will be harmed by me ! Now i am 25 . Just graduated achieving B.Sc. Engineering degree ! Never thought that I will ever come to this height ! At first everyone thought that I was some weirdo . But somehow my parents realized that I need some help . Most surprising thing is that my girlfriend understands me ! She gives me all types of support ! Just wish that all the people like me gets a good companion ! Thanks and best wishes for all ! Good luck !

[Ripose]

I have been to psychiatrists, therapists, neurologists etc. They either don't care or have just made things worse. They don't even try to help me any more, so I just continue with the meds I'm on. My GP did however throw Trazodone into the mix which just made me very sick.

I guess I just don't understand how a person can go through their entire life always falling between the cracks of "modern medicine".

Ripose, I always say I was born with mental illness. Circumstances in my childhood helped to exacerbate the mental illness, but I am sure I had genetic mental illness going on. I remember feeling terribly depressed as a tiny child (3-4 years), looking out of my parents' car window at long, late-afternoon shadows and thinking of sadness and death. By the time I was 7 or 8 I had a terrible anxiety disorder and OCD - along with the depression. By 9 or 10 I was having moods issues that I'm sure were early Bipolar disorder. I was seventeen when I saw my first therapist...by age 23 I was finally on medication. I'm 51 now.

I cringe when people criticize parents for putting their child on meds for mental health issues. I'm not saying that meds should be used for every little issue a kid has. But if there had been medication available when I was a child I truly believe my life would have been much less miserable than it has been and often still is.

Can you explain in more detail what the problem has been with your psych care?

[1776]

I've been nuts all my life. Some of it's genetic, some of it is a result of an abusive mother.

I don't really care anymore or get offended. I'm too tired for that.

[Ripose]

Originally Posted by Sister Rags

Can you explain in more detail what the problem has been with your psych care?

When I quit drinking in 2003 there was something seriously wrong with me. I believe it was serious brain damage from a suicide attempt while very drunk. Shortly after this I went into detox for alcohol and the signs of brain damage should have been obvious to people involved with my care. I did not know where I was, what year it was, severe problems walking and talking and I did not even know that I had a brother and four sisters.

My GP after the alcohol recovery blamed my problems on drinking with no thought given to brain damage, so instead I was sent to a pdoc for depression. He tried pill after pill and nothing seemed to work (due to the brain damage) and the pills only made me worse. He finally said he could do nothing more for me and left me with Risperdal, Ativan, Tegretol, Cymbalta, Nortriptyline, and Baclofen.

From then on no GP would take me seriously about brain damage even though an MRI showed my brain had atrophied and I was having seizures. So the GPs and specialists just passed me back and forth between each other and the pdoc. All of them saying there was nothing wrong me and it was up to another doctor to treat me.

Because of the MI branding I could not get treatment for any physical issues.

So here I am today with COPD, epilepsy, brain damage, Bi-Polar, social avoidance, osteoporosis, and more, yet no doctor will help me, even by just doing a medication review.

I saw my last specialist I will ever see again last week and he had a letter from my GP stating that I was MI and there was nothing wrong with me, so the specialist refused to even to listen to me.

From now on the only doctor I will see will be to get my meds refilled, I've had it!!

[onionknight]

I've suffered from one diagnosable illness at one point or another my entire life--OCD, depression, C-PTSD, angry issues, anxiety. It is frustrating and sad to think it has affected me for so long, but on the other hand, it has shaped me as a person, so it is a weird thing that I haven't yet come to terms with or come to understand fully in the context of my life.

But...you are not alone!

[Hellion]

I am 24, but have had mental issues since I was as young as ten if not younger. I am on the autism spectrum, but didn't get diagnosed till a couple years ago, even so people still thought I seemed 'weird' or 'a bit off' so I got bullied and ostracized by other kids at school and sometimes teachers either provoked or seemed to be in on it themselves. Of course I thought it was normal to feel depressed and anxious on a regular basis, and sort of blamed myself thinking if it bothered me it was my fault or whatever. Eventually at the age of 15 I attempted suicide and got into therapy after that...which I stopped in highschool because I thought I was doing better and didn't need that extra support. Then something traumatic happened(I've talked about it in plenty of other threads) which sort of set me back quite a bit, since I developed PTSD over it which has also made the depression and anxiety worse. Since then I've tried therapy but thus far have not hat much luck at all.

Originally Posted by Ripose

I realized a long time ago that even as a young child (as early as 5-6 yrs) I had many symptoms of MI. My first thoughts of suicide occurred while still in elementary school. I was a loner as I was afraid of most people because most of them were sarcastic, rude, mean, vindictive etc.
I had many disturbing thoughts about harming others and I started to self-harm as well.
Being so young I did not know where to turn, I did not even trust my family enough to tell them how I felt inside

Although I went through a few brief periods of relative normalcy I was always considered to be weird and strange by most people. All I wanted was a friend who could be nice to me. I did have some people I would have called close friends but none of this ever lasted. As the years passed my MI became increasingly severe and obvious to others.

Here I am today 50 years later, right now recovering from serotonin sickness. Nobody except my wife wants anything to do with me.

I don't really want any sympathy I was just very curious if any of you were MI from such a young age as well. I truly hope not but it would give me a belated sense of comfort if someone could identify with me.

Geez, now I sound desperate! I'll post this now before I re-read it and chicken-out.

I had problems all along as well, in fact, I think lots of people have but maybe not as significant as yours. I used to be a bit strange as a kid and even acted somewhat bizarrely from time to time as well. I'm pretty sure I have a mild asperger syndrome along with the other issues that I experience at times such as depression, some sporadic paranoia, and from time to time "crazy" delusional type ideas (e.g. thinking I made some incredible discovery or some such nonsense). I think some of us have had a "different" vibe if you will since pretty much forever. As also, I have had a cynical mistrust of my folks at times since I was young as well. It's a sort of another manifestation of my sporadic paranoid thoughts but less outlandish since they are family. When I get paranoid about other people, I usually think they're plotting against me in some way or even trying to do me some kind of serious harm. Luckily, I don't get like that all that often

[420Librarian]

I had my first hospitalization at age 12, but I remember having nightmares and feeling anxious much earlier than that. 4 and 8 maybe?

[lindylou.321]

Originally Posted by Ripose

I have been to psychiatrists, therapists, neurologists etc. They either don't care or have just made things worse. They don't even try to help me any more, so I just continue with the meds I'm on. My GP did however throw Trazodone into the mix which just made me very sick.

I guess I just don't understand how a person can go through their entire life always falling between the cracks of "modern medicine".

I have been suffering off and on with periods of dysfunction from Mental Illness since I was 9 years old. The best help I ever got was by doing MY OWN RESEARCH INTO MY ILLNESS (Borderline Personality Disorder) online. From that, I learned about the symptoms I have such as uncontrollable anger, rage, inability to form lasting relationships, distorted sense of self and reality and occasional self-abuse such as hitting are all part of my illness. I got a great sense of relief to learn that I am not the "bad person" my illness tells me that I am, and that I cannot "self-discipline myself to wellness...." I need help. There is a new type of phychotherapy that is being used recently that is showing good results, called DIALECTICAL THERAPY. It is a type of therapy where the patient is taught over time to "live in the now," and to "slow down distorted thought processes" that are convincing him/her that they are rational in thinking they are evil or a bad person, that everyone hates or dislikes them, are not "there" for them, cannot be trusted, etc. and makes the patient stop, think about the reality of such thinking, and by doing so consistently, the brain is taught to learn a more positive way of thinking and rationalizing. This is having good results in that those who go through the process are not showing up with relapses and symptoms for longer and longer periods of time, especially has this been true in women. It also helped to control impulsive behaviour patterns. You will have to TELL your doctor about dialectrical therapy, as most G.P.s know LITTLE OR NOTHING ABOUT IT, or go online and search your local mental health offices for information on how you can seek this form of psychotherapy.

[Ripose]

I am quite amazed at the numbers of people with MI starting at a very young age. Here and on other sites.

Maybe if we had been diagnosed early therapy would have been very effective compared to drugs. Just a thought.

[glok]

Hello, Ripose. I too got an early dose of things to come.

Originally Posted by Ripose

When I quit drinking in 2003 there was something seriously wrong with me. I believe it was serious brain damage from a suicide attempt while very drunk. Shortly after this I went into detox for alcohol and the signs of brain damage should have been obvious to people involved with my care. I did not know where I was, what year it was, severe problems walking and talking and I did not even know that I had a brother and four sisters.

My GP after the alcohol recovery blamed my problems on drinking with no thought given to brain damage, so instead I was sent to a pdoc for depression. He tried pill after pill and nothing seemed to work (due to the brain damage) and the pills only made me worse. He finally said he could do nothing more for me and left me with Risperdal, Ativan, Tegretol, Cymbalta, Nortriptyline, and Baclofen.

From then on no GP would take me seriously about brain damage even though an MRI showed my brain had atrophied and I was having seizures. So the GPs and specialists just passed me back and forth between each other and the pdoc. All of them saying there was nothing wrong me and it was up to another doctor to treat me.

Because of the MI branding I could not get treatment for any physical issues.

So here I am today with COPD, epilepsy, brain damage, Bi-Polar, social avoidance, osteoporosis, and more, yet no doctor will help me, even by just doing a medication review.

I saw my last specialist I will ever see again last week and he had a letter from my GP stating that I was MI and there was nothing wrong with me, so the specialist refused to even to listen to me.

From now on the only doctor I will see will be to get my meds refilled, I've had it!!

Ohhh...yeah. It is so frustrating when your doctors don't treat you for something you instinctively know you need to be treated for. I believe that oftentimes, they don't treat things because they don;t know how to, so they aim for the areas they're knowledgeable about and comfortable treating. I always wish real-life MD's were more like TV MD's...doing amazing research and coming up with revolutionary ways to treat certain problems.

[BeaFlower]

I think to have had OCD symptoms since childhood, also if I didn't know what it was. And I had also tics. Since what I read online it seams quite common that a disorder begins in childhood.

[shortandcute]

Lots of hugs to you.To me you did not sound desperate.I felt like I was reading my own life story.

[Pikku Myy]

Rereading this Thread makes me think...... what is Mentally Ill child vs. a normal ???

[Sometimes psychotic]

Originally Posted by Ripose

I have been to psychiatrists, therapists, neurologists etc. They either don't care or have just made things worse. They don't even try to help me any more, so I just continue with the meds I'm on. My GP did however throw Trazodone into the mix which just made me very sick.

I guess I just don't understand how a person can go through their entire life always falling between the cracks of "modern medicine".

Psychiatry and psychology really isn't modern medicine....it's trial and error. What they do today in psych is like somebody knowing such and such an herb has such and such can cure headaches in some people. It's not refined they don't know what the actual problem is even in the cases where they know exactly what the medicine does. Sure the drug mods serotonin but there is no underlying issue with serotonin so what's up with that? In contrast if I gave you an antibiotic I could tell you exactly how it interfered with bacterial cell wall development killing the pathogen that's making you sick....that's modern medicine. Psych is at least fifty to a hundred years behind....now benefit of the doubt the brain is by far the most complex thing we've got going on....here's hoping they catch up...