[Starbuck]

I was also a victim of sexual abuse, when I was very young, up until maybe 6 or 7 y. old.

It was my uncle, the husby of my mother's sister, who liked to wash me in the bath...

The 1st time I talked about it was to my grandmother, then she told me it was true, that he did it (wrong touchings) to one of his own daughter.

I even wrote this via email to my father a couple of years ago, and he absolutely never spoke a word about it. Actually, my parents are quite in good terms with them.

It's not the end of the world, I know, but I sometimes feel betrayed somehow. It's hard to explain...

I thought about writing my uncle via email to let him know that I did'nt forget what he did to me, but I know I would bust out in heavy emotions, so I tend to resist using that option.

To sum, yes, it's true, at least for my part, that this phenomena tend to be minimised.

True, women are more victims that men, and this should never be in anyway less important.

I also think that having met psychological childhood problems, this abuse, at the least, did'nt help me at all.

Starbuck

Born in 1963 of French mom and Canadian dad. Studied a lot (Majors in History, Theology, M.A. in Sociology). Jobless for now. Just been diagnosed Borderline.

I wonder where it will go from here... But I'll try nonetheless.

[Lexicon78]

((((((Starbuck))))))

I am so sorry that happened to you. I think you were betrayed and just because you're a guy doesn't make it any less traumatizing. It's awful. Being a sexual abuse survivor myself, I can understand how hard it is.

If you need to talk, I'm here.

[Starbuck]

Thank You Lexicon,

I wrote this as a follow-up to HomeAlone 's sexual abuse message.

I guess i'm not so particular a guy, just trying to verbalize my feelings, it's so important to me.

Ty again,

Starbuck

Born in 1963 of French mom and Canadian dad. Studied a lot (Majors in History, Theology, M.A. in Sociology). Jobless for now. Just been diagnosed Borderline.

I wonder where it will go from here... But I'll try nonetheless.

[texasclown]

starbuck--sexual abuse is sexual abuse, whether it happened to a male or female. and men and women are both abusers. sometimes people seem to forget these facts. and yes, the abuse can cause or exacerbate mental health problems. if and when you're ready to confront your uncle, it'll be at a time that's right for you. don't push it. you don't need to confront him to know that it happened. it isn't necessary to confront him for you to heal. focus on yourself and your healing. confrontation can come when you're stronger if, at that time, it's important to you.

[Starbuck]

Well said Texas !

Ty for your reply.

Sincerely,

Starbuck

Born in 1963 of French mom and Canadian dad. Studied a lot (Majors in History, Theology, M.A. in Sociology). Jobless for now. Just been diagnosed Borderline.

I wonder where it will go from here... But I'll try nonetheless.

[nowheretorun]

I was sexually abused as a teeneager by an older male "friend." At the time I didn't recognize it as such and only marked it down as yet another of the crazy experiences in my life and tried to pretend it never happened.

I've never felt it was something I needed counseling for, but, in the sum of all things, I have to say that now I am very angry about it for how it DID affect me even if I pretended it hadn't.

Looking back I can see that it was typical of my behaviour in those days to nearly kill myself and act as if nothing bad had happened. How on earth did I ever survive? Glad I can say that was then and this is now.

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius

[texasclown]

you probably survived by pretending that nothing happened.

[Starbuck]

Hi nowheretorun, ty for your reply.

You wrote : "... I have to say that now I am very angry about it for how it DID affect me even if I pretended it had'nt."

Nice saying, cause as for me, I could not have said any better.

Sincerely,

Starbuck


Born in 1963 of French mom and Canadian dad. Studied a lot (Majors in History, Theology, M.A. in Sociology). Jobless for now. Just been diagnosed Borderline.

I wonder where it will go from here... But I'll try nonetheless.

[nowheretorun]

Strange how I've never thought of that ?!?!?!? Something to think about... I think that would explain why my memories are so vague or absent about a lot of my experiences. I actually wanted to forget them....

I was aware I had repressed a lot of memories but didn't think of it as a survival factor, which I view as something my mind would do proactively. In the past I'd viewed forgetting as a symptom of depression, something which occured unwillingly.

Either way, when I'm with a group of people and they discuss funny events in their life or great experiences, my mind goes blank trying to come up with anything similar.

thanks for replying

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius

[nowheretorun]

I wanted to clarify one thing... the anger I feel is not towards the offender, there are people like that in life and there probably always will be and that's not forgiveness or acceptance, just the facts of life...

I get angry at myself for being so stupid about so many things. At the same time I have to forgive myself because the beast has a wicked face...

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius

[Starbuck]

Hi nowheretorun,

It happens to me too, not to know what to say in certain circumstances.

But another day, and with people too, I don't feel the malaise at all.

Some zones are better than others !

T.C.

Starbuck

Born in 1963 of French mom and Canadian dad. Studied a lot (Majors in History, Theology, M.A. in Sociology). Jobless for now. Just been diagnosed Borderline.

I wonder where it will go from here... But I'll try nonetheless.

[Starbuck]

Hi again Nowhere,

I have a lot of anger also, and it seems getting worse.

I never was an anger child, on the contrary, but lately-let's say in the last 3 years-I become more "outspoken", so people get quite surprised to see my reactions sometimes...

I think I've pomped in too much during chilhood, and like a ghost, it comes back to haunt me.

And to top it all, I've been noticed today that the psychiatrist whom I'm supposed to see (after 6 months of waiting) have declined my follow-up.

In the best case, I'll have to wait another 6 months again (if using the "free" Public Health System).

So Canada's "Free Public Health System" has its own limitations...

Especially hard, not only the fact that you have to ask for help, but also, you have to...... wait a long time, too much long a time...

Ironically, you ask fragile people who need help right now, to wait till Kingdom Come.

See ya, t.c.,

Starbuck



Born in 1963 of French mom and Canadian dad. Studied a lot (Majors in History, Theology, M.A. in Sociology). Jobless for now. Just been diagnosed Borderline.

I wonder where it will go from here... But I'll try nonetheless.

[nowheretorun]

Hey S.B.,

Gotta be grateful there's a place like this though, if you need to vent or anything you can pm me if you don't want to put it on the boards...

See ya here or see ya there, but hope to see ya....

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius

[Starbuck]

Thank You for the offer nowheretorun.

I will if I need to, thanks for the offer !

Starbuck

Born in 1963 of French mom and Canadian dad. Studied a lot (Majors in History, Theology, M.A. in Sociology). Jobless for now. Just been diagnosed Borderline.

I wonder where it will go from here... But I'll try nonetheless.