[shygirl2101]

For the past year i haven't been talking with anybody except my family on a everyday basis. On one hand i started to try to be polite and greet acquaintances at university (that was a big step for me), on the other i lost contact with friends from high school and didn't make any new ones.
The fact that i didn't find this isolation hard for me , that's what's disturbing.
And i know that partially this is because of my social anxiety. I've started to avoid as much as i can the situations that make me anxious.
Social anxiety aside, my problem is that since i was a kid i had this very big need for introspection . I like thinking to much , and this year i could finally have it in that amount, that it didn't interrupt with my sleeping and studying. It would be fine, if i was doing something productive, but i usually use my time for day dreaming, in recent years not even about my self but about fictional characters from books and movies, remembering the past and trying to determine what i felt at that time, trying to recognize my feelings in general and after all that (when i get interested in some subject and dig up all information i can about it) analyzing and determining my opinion on the subject.
But most of the time it's pretty useless , so i think that i should somehow learn how to stop thinking so much. After all what use do i have of my imaginary dialogues, opinions, day dreams etc. if i like them so much on theory, that i don't do anything in real life.

[shygirl2101]

I don't find myself to be creative at all. I don't, maybe i was, when i was younger. I remember that i could very vividly daydream and because of that i could imagine what i wanted to draw. Also i remember that till i was 15 i use to write a diary, in which i wrote about what happened to me, my feelings, daydreams etc. When i turned 15 i couldn't handle how vivid my mental pictures could be, so i started to suppress them. The problem was that i didn't like to remember everything in so much detail. But that also put a stop to my inspiration for drawing. I stopped when i was 16. Last year i tried to get back to it, but it just reminded me how perfectionist and self-critical i would get with my drawings.Also i stopped writing my diary and the ones i had wrote, i burned them. That's all i can think of, that could be considered remotely creative.(Oh, and also i use to scrapbook and sew when i was really young. I use to have weird hobbies as a kid.)

Even if there were any creative outlets or service organizations at my university, i probably wouldn't join them, because i'm very self-critical. I guess i'm just too afraid of what other people will think about my art work.
And i don't know , if you did understand me. I wanted to explain that for the five to six sentences i say all day, i need about 10 hours spent on introspection (although i need more than that). It's making me absentminded and i have problems concentrating (although not as much since i started going to university).

Theres nothing wrong with being an extreme introvert. Dont make it a bad thing.
Theres a book called The Loners Manifesto you may find helpful.

[Silent Void]

I also recommend Party of One: The Loners' Manifesto.

Party of One: The Loners' Manifesto:Amazon:Books

As a recluse I spend my time talking to my voice(s), which is slightly different, but I still understand.

[written_by]

I find people, in the "real" world, mostly boring and uninteresting to interact with. Maybe that's a slight on me but I prefer listening to other people's conversations.

Being introverted isn't a bad thing, either.

[shygirl2101]

I never accepted myself for who i am, being an (extreme) introvert is one those aspects of my personality that i would change if i could. All my life i've been called freak, stuck-up, boring etc. It seems like everybody has been making remarks about my asocial behavior, from my family, friends, teachers, neighbors. Everything would be so much easier if i was an extrovert. But i know that i can't make myself something i'm not.

Now about the book recommendation : I couldn't find it in my town's library, in book shops. It doesn't seem to be translated to my native language. I don't if i should buy it in English . The price isn't too expensive, but the reading isn't going to go well if i need the dictionary for every few pages.

[manxcatwoman]

Originally Posted by Starry_Night

Theres nothing wrong with being an extreme introvert. Dont make it a bad thing.
Theres a book called The Loners Manifesto you may find helpful.

I need to read this book. I'm definitely an introvert and it's something I've always seen as a failure because of all the negative comments I've gotten over the yrs. But I've finally realized that it's ok. I'm just me.

[manxcatwoman]

Originally Posted by shygirl2101

For the past year i haven't been talking with anybody except my family on a everyday basis. On one hand i started to try to be polite and greet acquaintances at university (that was a big step for me), on the other i lost contact with friends from high school and didn't make any new ones.
The fact that i didn't find this isolation hard for me , that's what's disturbing.
And i know that partially this is because of my social anxiety. I've started to avoid as much as i can the situations that make me anxious.
Social anxiety aside, my problem is that since i was a kid i had this very big need for introspection . I like thinking to much , and this year i could finally have it in that amount, that it didn't interrupt with my sleeping and studying. It would be fine, if i was doing something productive, but i usually use my time for day dreaming, in recent years not even about my self but about fictional characters from books and movies, remembering the past and trying to determine what i felt at that time, trying to recognize my feelings in general and after all that (when i get interested in some subject and dig up all information i can about it) analyzing and determining my opinion on the subject.
But most of the time it's pretty useless , so i think that i should somehow learn how to stop thinking so much. After all what use do i have of my imaginary dialogues, opinions, day dreams etc. if i like them so much on theory, that i don't do anything in real life.

I have imaginary dialogues and daydreams too. But I've never realized until now that it could be another part of my being an introvert.

I once had a therapist who said that I think too much. Now I have one who says that I feel too much. Compared to their other patients maybe I do. But I'm getting to old to worry about it. I've spent my whole life trying to "get it right." That's no way to live.

Please don't think things you do as being useless. Hopefully you'll find your own pace and you'll feel happy just the way you are.