[Can't Stop Crying]

Does everyone feel the need to put on a mask depending on what role is being played?

At work, at home, in public.....

[Terabithia]

I will try to put on a mask, but the mask falls off pretty easily, and I end up going somewhere, like the bathroom, and crying, because I'm feeling so out of place.

I guess I have a sense of who I am and having a mental illness is a big part of my character, so when I'm not with people who feel comfortable with my illness, then I'm trying to put on a mask of sanity.

[Agentfyre]

I don't know if this is what you meant exactly, but I wear a different mask with every different person I'm around. I'm always reacting to the kind of person sitting across from me, taking what I feel is safe with them, and portraying that to them.

I used to feel that this meant I could never be the real me with anyone, mostly because that's what others told me. But over time, I realized that this IS who I am. I'm multi-faceted, empathetic, and am creative to the point of finding ways to make friends with most people rather than being stubborn about my personality to the point of only attracting certain people and driving all others away.

It's ok to be you. Sometimes it's not a mask, or something fake. Sometimes it's caring and understanding, and it's only misunderstood as a mask...

But again, not sure if that's what you meant at all.

[Nihil]

Sure. I haven't told anyone except online friends about what happens in my family. They likely wouldn't be able to fully understand it.

[Me and my dog]

Daily. I'm convinced now that I've done what my support group has said about excepting myself and not withholding my feelings because it's damaging to me that society not only does not understand what it's like to live with a mental illness but condemns those who go through it on a daily basis. If family cannot accept the fact how could friends, neighbors and colleagues? The worst part of it is you never get the chance to totally be yourself. I'm fighting like hell to resolve my issues on my own without the use of meds. I've been on Zoloft and Welbutrin.... the merlot.... I know I spelled that wrong... before and was a shell of myself, never again. You put the mask on and go about your business. At the end of the day if you're lucky, it was a good day... or you go to your place and scream or cry. Not speaking for everyone, that's just a day in my life.

[Pikku Myy]

I would say yes. Can not always tell everyone how I feel, especially when in my sad modes. They get tired of it

[brainhi]

I believe I learned to "pretend" how I felt at an early age. So much disfunction and pain - was embarrassed.

Agentfyre - there is something called "Mirror Neurons" .... I think I have a lot of these and they have served a good purpose - and not good at times:
Rita Carter -
"Although mirror neurons are technically found only in the areas of brain concerned with physical movement, a similar mirroring function is found in neurons concerned with emotions and intentions. So just by watching another person you are involuntarily experiencing something of their feelings and plans.
This automatic mimicry (and empathy) helps to “clone” one person’s personality in the mind of another. Children, for example, inevitably “internalize” the opinions and attitudes of their parents or main caretakers and these form the seeds of a personality. In later life we use mirror neurons to emulate those we admire, or just passively absorb personality traits of those around us. Personalities learnt by mimicry and empathy may in time be pushed aside by new ones, but they are rarely forgotten entirely, and may remain in a person as a “minor” for life."

[Ripose]

I use masks continually, 1 for doctors, 1 for family, 1 for friends, the only time I don't have a mask is when dealing with strangers on the street. Why I don't know. I guess I am afraid of Ts and Pdocs seeing the real me since I am afraid of being committed. Family and friends I guess I just don't want them to know how crazy I really am. Strangers I guess I just don't care what they think, so I just act myself.

[Mikeyboy]

Yes. I'm very good at reading others and discerning what they like in people, and presenting that back to them. I'm so used to it that I sometimes wonder if I have a genuine personality of my own at all.

[lizardlady]

When I was much younger I never let the world see the "real" me I wore a mask almost all the time. Now, I'm pretty much what you see is what you get. Granted, different aspects of my personality come forward in different settings, but overall I am what the world sees.

[Koko2]

I thought I was good at wearing masks until I saw an unflattering photo of me from my last family gathering. I thought I presented as cheerful, humorous and sociable even though someone commented afterward that they were sorry I had to sit by certain people. The photo showed my real emotions, terribly sad and awkward and not really wanting to be there.

All the same, I do try to wear masks, behaving differently for various social situations.

[ToeJam]

I have masks... and they undo me quite a lot. Part of the problem being and I'll use the example of my T: I appeared so measured, calm and assured when she first met me... and until I let someone in, that is what they will see unless I get badly triggered and the façade drops resulting in an explosion of emotion/anxiety/confusion/anger that can catch people very off guard.

It was also very confusing for the staff at the hospital I was recently admitted to and in for 2 months... my named nurse actually put into place that only nurses+ were allowed to discuss feelings with me as the masks I use as a defence mechanism were initiating mixed messages that resulted in panic attacks (support workers would get the impression that I was in a good place because of the face I had on and words I was using)

Edit: Just a further point though... we all (including those without mh issues) use masks. How you speak and interact with your boss, priest or similar figure (if you're religious), snooty relative, best friend, acquaintance, girl/boy on first few dates etc will be different and in accordance to the context and situation.

[Beachlover527]

I thought I was the only one that did that. I can catch myself putting on an act for different people. Sometimes I don't like the shy and introvert feeling I have within me so I try to be outgoing no matter how nerve wracking it is.
So I act all jolly, worry-free, happy, playful, etc.
But then... I get anxiety after because now I've fooled people and one day, they will see that I am not that all the time. In fact, I am shy and don't like to speak much. But because of the act, I talk.

It's a lot of pressure. I wish I wasn't so conscious of when I am acting different. I remember the time where I would act different to (teachers, friends, parents, just like ANYONE would) and would not think anything of it. But now, I notice that I am changing my perspective/attitude around people and I feel uneasy and that I'm being unstable. But I still have the need to be liked so it's hard to just be neutral vs. being friendly/outgoing.

[eskielover]

I put on such a good mask when I was married for 33 years....no one knew (not even me) that it was the serious problem for my depression once my engineering career was over......no one could see how serious the damage was to me. I knew that I was angry all the time inside, but no one on the outside saw it except when they crossed me or did something that made my already overflowing anger overflow even farther.

After finally getting out of the bad marriage.......I am who I am IRL & the same person here. I never felt the need to be someone other than who I was. Always figured if the people didn't like who I was then they didn't need to be around me......but I have always treated EVERYONE fairly & equally & have always expected to be treated fairly & equally in return & most of the time with that attitude, it's held to be accurate.

I grew up in a family where education wasn't looked on very highly while I looked on it as my way out of where I was because I didn't want to marry out of where I was, I wanted to get there on my own.......so I have never felt barriers as much as the ones I saw growing up.

People never saw if I was felt unhappy but then, I didn't really see it much myself.....the only emotion I was in touch with for the 33 years of my marriage was anger...& I never held that back or put a mask on for that either.......when H irritated me....he knew about it as he pretty much filled my anger to overflowing...& it would overflow to others when I had an issue & would end up overreacting quite a bit.....but mostly tried to hold onto my laid back ways for most of my life until I got pushed too far....then watch out.......& that went for anyone who was any part of my life.

I'm me, I'm open the same with everyone, even people I don't know & strike up a conversation with when I'm out shopping. People ask me a question & I will answer with what I think, not with what I think they want to hear.....but there are times I will definitely try to word it so that it doesn't come across in an accusing sort of way but in a way that the concept can be understood......something that has come with age & something I wasn't always that good at in my younger years....& definitely NOT in my marriage after being pushed to anger so many times, I never even bothered to think before I spoke....but as I have calmed down over the last 7 years since I finally left the marriage, I've gotten much better at that skill now that I feel a peace & calm in my life overall. It's so wonderful NOT living in that continual stressful life......but I've always let out who & what I am no matter what (maybe in hopes that my H would come to not want to live with it & he would have finally been willing to get a divorce...lol)

[Can't Stop Crying]

Thank you for all the responses...I guess I am wondering which mask is the real me????

And I'm not sure how I figure that one out. I spent my entire life being what was expected, what was told...always obedient, always being what others needed me to be.

I don't know if there is a "real" me under all of this....

[Ripose]

I came to realize that the the real me is not a mask at all. The real me is constantly hidden behind one though. The real me is kind, gentle and always willing to help another, I have been that way since I was born. But masks are too often present such as the one I wear to display my anger issues. I am not violent or physical with my anger but emotional anger can be even worse. This mask developed through a poor upbringing and grew as I realized that most people in the world are angry about something.

The real me however is always present and stops my anger from lasting long or growing into resentment. The real me is also sensitive and caring but that seems to always be thrown back in negative ways. I could never understand this at all.

I guess my point is, the real you wears no mask and it is how you feel about things when left to your own thoughts.

I hope this made some sense I'm very tired and confused from meds right now.