[jbug]

I talked about this in chat a bit last night and thought I'd get other's opinion's also. I appreciate all the comments last night.

My dad has cancer. They think they got it all when they did his surgery last year but he's undergoing chemo just in case. He was doing so good not getting sick or anything. But lately when he goes in they have to give him a shot to raise his red blood cell count because he's anemic and they can't do his chemo if its' under a certain amount. Well this shot makes him very sick. They have gone from doing his chemo every 2 weeks to every 3 weeks because he suffers so much between times. Just as he gets his strength back he has to do it all over again. Anyway, I feel really bad for him and am having a hard time with him being sick. All my life (I'm 35) he's been the healthy one just a cold here and there and I've always been the sick one along with my mom. I got my low immune system from her. How do I deal with the changing roles in the family? He has 4 more treatments to go. He's doing one this week and I'm going out to their house tonight like I always do on Wednesday's but I find myself avoiding him when I'm out there. I get out there and go to sleep on mom's bed and wake up when she gets home and we talk and dad just sits in his chair. I don't know what to say to him. How do I tell him I'm very sad for him without making him sadder? I know he doesn't feel good and doesn't like being sick. 2 weeks ago he only worked about 15 hours instead of his normal 45 hours. I know its a hardship on them financially so I'm trying very hard not to have to ask them to help me out but I need him to help me fix my car but know that it will cut into their finances. I can't afford to fix it myself and luckily its starting to warm up so I don't need my heater anymore but what about next winter when it gets cold again? I am trying really hard not to be selfish but I want my old dad back.

Jbug

[darkeyes]

(((((((((( janniebug ))))))))))))
I know this is so very hard, emotionally, it hurts to see someone so ill, especially a family member, I've been in a similar place. Try to keep the faith, I also can relate to that awkwardness of not knowing what to say to a person, who is so very sick and is fighting a terminal illness, I wish I could offer some ideas,etc. but I'm lost on that.
Now, your car situation, is it only the heater? Is the car running fine otherwise? If so, don't worry right now about next winter, you'll have time and maybe come up with what you'll need to make the repair. The main issue at the present that you mention is your dad and the support you are trying to give or be there for.
I had a car that the heater was shot, but it ran, and months after when we were able to have it fixed, we did, funny it was summer time when we got around to it, sooooooo during the cold season, I was bundled up, bulky when trying to drive, with gloves and all the other winter clothes, but I got through it. I don't think it would have been possible if the defrosters weren't helping. The heater must have only been partially shot, but it never was warm in the car for the driver or passenger(s).
Try to take care of yourself, physically and emotionally, let the car be secondary as long as it is running.
I'm sending you and your family special thoughts and wishes for strength,healing and innerpeace.
Please take care,
DE

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((( janniebug )))))))))))))))

[January]

((((((((((( Jannie ))))))))))

I'm so sorry your Dad is sick. Everything about us seems to change when our parents become ill. It might be that just sitting with your Dad and watching one of his favorite tv shows will be enough. Saying something like, "I know you don't feel good Dad. Is there something special I can do for you?", might help.

I hope he feels better very, very soon.

Hugs,

Jan

[sabby]

((((jannie & dad))))

My heart goes out to the both of you. I know it's sometimes hard to verbalize when we are feeling when we're in the throws of an illness like this. Maybe writing your dad a letter would help? You can give it to him to read when you leave from your visit so you don't have to be uncomfortable while he's reading it. I'm willing to bet that he will love getting a letter from you and reading all you have to say. You can even mail it to him if that makes you feel better.

One thing I do know for sure is this.....whether he recovers from this or not, let him know now how much you love him and care for him. We never know when our tomorrows will no longer exist.

You are in my prayers jannie *gentle hugs*

J

[bebop]

Jannie hon don't be surprised if they have to give him blood at some point. chemo really takes alot out of the body. there are also medications they can give to help with the low blood counts. good luck hon

[wanttoheal]

(((((((((janniebug))))))))))))) I'm so sorry that you are struggling. I agree with darkeyes about the car. If you can, put that on the back burner. By next year a lot of things will have changed.

As a mom, I worry about my children so much. Can they take care of themselves if I am gone, if I get sick. And I worry about if they get sick.

It's so hard when someone we care about so much is ill. The only advice I can give is to let your dad know how much you care for him.

What if you were to write all your fears about your dad's illness and how it affects you on a sheet of paper and put it in a safe place, a box, a shelf, etc. Tell yourself that while those fears are real and valid, you are going to place them there for now so that when you are with your dad, you can concentrate on him instead. You will have time to come back to that sheet of paper later. Perhaps that will free you up to just be there with your dad and help him to feel cared for.

Best of luck to you and your family as you all work through this.

[jbug]

Just thought I'd give an update from last night.

I made supper for him and mom because she had to go take the cat to the vet and wouldn't have time to make supper. He came home about the same time I did and I gave him the books I had gotten for him. He just laughed and said where are you getting all these books. I told him school and then reminded him about the free table in the library and I've been looking almost every day for stuff for him. He came in and sat down and read the paper and then fell asleep. I went and slept on mom's bed. I heard her come home and went and finished supper. I found out that he's lost more weight and that the doctor told him he needs to gain some back. I told him that unless I cook dinner for Rex on Saturday I'd make him a calzone ring and he can have it all himself. He said is it as good as Mazzio's? I reminded him he almost ate the last one I made all himself so I'm going to plan on doing that unless Rex and I do something. I'm going out there tomorrow too so we can go over March's budget. I am starting to get a better handle on my money so instead of him just giving it to me when I ask I get a certain amount and when its gone its gone. I am proud to say though that I dont' have to have the landlord hold my check this month he can deposit it right away.
I enjoy cooking so if its something I can do to show him how much I love him I'll do that.

Bebop he gets a shot every time he gets chemo to raise his blood count and that is what is making him so sick. Grandma told him he shouldnt' get the shot and he said if he didn't get the shot he'd get blood.

Jbug

[EJ711]

Hi Janniebug,

It sounds like this is a hard time for everyone.

Is there any chance you can move back home, to help with finances?

It is hard for the person who has been the strong person, and it is hard for the people who have always depended on them.

Please keep us posted.

How about just giving your Dad some hugs when you go over next week, and just tell him how much you love him.

Keep us posted.

Hugs,

EJ

[Soidhonia]

Hello Jannie.
I am sorry to hear about your Dad. I hope things get better soon. I hope you and your mother are taking care of yourselves as well. Take care Soidhonia

[jbug]

I have asked if I can move back home but they said no because there isn't any room. My parents have a 3 bedroom house and my parents don't sleep in the same room and the other bedroom is their office. I am working on getting enough money together to get a different car and hopefully by next winter I will have a better car.

My mom has caught some bug too I think she has bronchitis. She has a horrible cough and is coughing up blood. She didn't go to work today and is going to try to get in to see the doctor again.

I am trying to stay present and not to let myself get too down.

Thanks for all your concerns guys!

Jbug

[EJ711]

Hi Janniebug,

Stay strong!!!! It sounds like your parents are going to need your love and support!

Hugs,

EJ

[jbug]

I am out here at my parents now and am going to clean the kitchen. I am also going to make my famous spaghetti sauce, a salad and garlic bread for supper. I am having supper with Rex tomorrow night so won't be out here to do it then. I have to take some time for me and it will be tomorrow night with Rex. We are going to have dinner and watch a movie. I talked with my mom today and she went to work and is feeling better so that takes some weight off my shoulders.

Jbug

[Peanut61]

Sending you, your Dad and Mom positive and healing energy, Janniebug.

I think just being there, (your health permitting), is the main thing. I think a lot can be said without a single word being spoken.

Warmest regards,

Peanut

[Bethsway]

Janniebug....thinking of you and sending my best to you and your family!!!