What's Wrong with Fiona Apple?

Hey everyone,

First of all, I’m glad to be here! I don’t normally post here so I’m not sure if this is where a topic like this would normally go, but my understanding is that it would probably be alright here. I’ve always been really into psychology, and trying to figure out why people work the way they do, and that’s a little bit why I’m here...

I'd like to talk about a girl named Fiona Apple. Google her name if you don't already know who she is. She’s a famous singer/songwriter with a cult-like following and has released four albums to date, her latest being “The Idler Wheel…” She’s known for writing songs that represent her “inner workings” and stuff like that, and is typically portrayed by the media as a slightly eccentric musical genius who never leaves her house.

She’s stated in the past she struggles from really bad OCD to the point where it’s debilitating and there are some days where she’ll get up and leave her house at three in the morning to pick up a bottle that’s been sitting in the trash for a while because she was the one who threw it out and it’s been on her mind all day to fix it so it’s sitting in the trash just right. She was also raped when she was eleven, and as a result struggled from anorexia. She’s been on a lot of drugs and alcohol, as well.

I’ve put a lot of thought into this, because I feel like she and I are basically the same person… I feel like there’s something innately wrong with both of us that I can’t for the life of me figure out. Something a lot more wrong than simply a problem resulting from too much alcohol and drugs and OCD and anorexia. I haven’t suffered from any of those things except OCD. I feel like there’s an underlying cause for all of this that she never really was made aware of, and that’s why I’m looking into it. She’s ended up in a really dark place. Because she and I are so similar, I’m scared that there’s something that could possibly lead me on a similar downward spiral and result in problems like hers, with drugs and stuff like that. So, basically, my question is, what could be wrong with her that caused all these problems?

The way she socializes and carries herself and thinks are not natural. I know, because I’m very similar to her. It feels unnatural to me, so that’s why I say that. Probably, it’s difficult to realize it unless you’re a trained psychiatrist, but please, listen at least for a while until I’m all done. :P

I was also molested when I was little, and though as far as I can tell there haven’t really been any problems as a result, I sometimes wonder if my problems are a result of this. It doesn’t really seem like it, though… I feel like there’s something more wrong with both her and I that I can’t really figure out. Could it be that we’re just naturally very sensitive (I am a HSP)? Possibly suppressed problems as a result of sexual assault? Asperger’s? Personality disorders? We’re both very dramatic, practically unnatural. I don’t really know how to describe it. Perhaps I just don’t normally see too many other people who are actually like me? (I have a really… unique personality, I suppose you could probably say. Really creative, theatrical, but not practical. I also feel like I don’t really have a personality of my own. I just sort of mold into whoever I’m around and become like them… most people are like whaa? )

Also, there's a really great article that illustrates this whole bizarre abstract concept I'm trying to talk about. If you search "Hiding out with Fiona Apple, Musical Hermit", you'll probably find it.

Sorry the article, and... the whole post for that matter, are so long. You could probably just skim and get a glimpse of what I'm talking about, or at least trying to describe. I really need to get to the bottom of this, as early as I can... Hopefully, I'll figure out what’s up with us…

sexual abuse causes more issues than you can imagine, even if it doesnt seem very overt. being this concerned about yourself the best thing to do is to consult a professional for assistance.

Yeah you're probably right... Anyways, thanks for the guidance and I'll be sure to look more into it!

Maybe very bright people who have had unusual and damaging experiences have a hard time finding their place in this society, and thus sometimes end up in even more damaging places. Maybe if they realize they are bright and have experiences that make them different, and that that can be OK, they can end up in very much better places.

This was so thoughtful, thank you

Hello EliApple,

I don't know anything about Fiona Apple but I do know that there are many creative people especially singer/song writers, poets and artists that have struggled with mental health issues. Indeed there are quite a few that die before their time. Unable to talk about their issues they turn to expressing themselves through music, writing or art as a release. Unfortunately with that creativity, often comes aduration from fans which the creative person finds difficult to accept. Imagine for example you've been abused all your life so you write great song lyrics and then everyone suddenly loves you... that's difficult to cope with if you've never got to the place of even liking yourself in the first place.

That's also a good point. I should probably clarify I didn't mean for this to be like a "hate on Fiona" thread or anything like that. I just sort of felt like she was the only one who could possibly illustrate this weird thing I'm trying to talk about. Either way, I suppose it could probably be a combination of things...

I feel the same way with Jim Carrey, I'm not stunned by him as an actor but I always watch his movies because I feel it's like he's winning against something I'm also going through. I don't know if that makes sense but I understand what you mean. I know it didn't really address the main point of the thread, I like her song criminal.

Sexual abuse alone, especially since it happened to her as a child, is WAY more than enough to result in her struggles. Many people don't realize that when sexual abuse happens to a child, its very different than when it happens to an adult. It interrupts normal development. Instead of progressing in ways that "normal" kids do, SA victims are sidetracked onto a different path. Its not something you can get over easily, and some never really "catch up" to be at the same place as everyone else. One thing I've noticed in myself is that while everyone else was learning how to be social, make friends, form relationships, I was struggling with keeping myself safe. Everyone else was able to take safety for granted, but because I didn't have a strong foundation, I wasn't able to work on developing in other ways. Look up the pyramid of needs to see more of what I'm talking about. Abuse survivors oftentimes struggle at the bottom of the pyramid while other people can move up and be more successful. It will explain a lot.

Hi EliApple, I'm very familiar with Fiona Apple and have liked her since she came on the scene. I'm not sure what you mean by something being wrong with her...? Her music is a certain genre and she manages her image/persona to fit that genre. As far as interviews, she seems like a pretty typical artistic type of woman. As a molest survivor myself, I have no doubt that the rape she experienced when she was twelve years old has had a lasting effect on her...yet she's been a very successful musician over many decades, so she has to be high-functioning. She probably struggles with some form of mental illness or another, as most highly creative people do...actually, Fiona reminds me somewhat of Sinead O'Connor, who has struggled with bipolar disorder throughout her life.

@ChipperMonkey Thanks for pointing me to the Hierarchy of needs, I'll have to check it out in more detail
@PoppyRoad After reconsidering what I wrote, I think I've realized that the SA was definitely enough to cause some of these difficulties... It's just so difficult to explain what I mean, I suppose :P Maybe it's all in my head. Like I said though, I loveee Fiona Apple So I didn't mean to in anyway make it sound like I disliked her or was trying to bring her negative attention. It's just like she's the only person who I can think of who really captures what I'm trying to express.

Oh, no...I didn't think you were bringing her negative attention. It's a wonderful feeling to identify with certain people we deeply admire and feel close to. You sound like a sensitive, creative person yourself.