[wookiegoldfur]

I must be in denial or something, because I can be feeling horrible and I'll begin to think irrationally or fantasize bad things but then I'll quickly "forget" about it. When I snap myself out of these emotional ruts I immediately lose all emotional attachment to it. I then have a really hard time believing I really did feel that way in that moment and that I must of made it up or was over-exaggerating the situation. A lot of the time I feel a lot of guilt because I'm often convinced that I'm making myself feel a certain way on purpose...? But then l will honestly believe nothing was/is wrong until I fall into another emotional rut again. But the cycle continues. Unless I learn how to stop repressing my emotions to the point where I don't even believe they exist, I'll never be able to get help (IF I even need it ???).

[sideblinded]

Hi wookiegoldfur

I think you hit it on the nose as you are most likely in denial of your feelings. Something must of happened to you where sharing your true feelings was not accepted and you stuffed them. I hope you see a therapist to get this straightened out. I think you are on to something. I wish you the very best.

[Izabella23]

Thanks For post dear!!

[soft_silhouette89]

Hey wookiegoldfur,

I can relate to how you're feeling! It's frustrating feeling one way and then somehow completely different. Don't feel guilty for the way you're feeling. I attended a session with Grant Mullen (excellent resource!) on depression (not saying you have depression) and he shared how, scientifically, if your body is not balanced correctly your moods will swing and you may not understand your thought patterns. Taking medication to help with this isn't wrong. I agree with sideblinded that it would be best to see a therapist or psychiatrist.

Remember, you're not alone!

All the best!

[kim_johnson]

Repression is one way of looking at it... I'm not entirely sure that that is it, though... An alternative might be: State dependent memory.

The idea here is that when you are in a certain state of mind (a physiological arousal level or something like that - I will explain in a bit) then you have facilitated / better memory for other times when you were in that state of mind.

So, for example, when you are happy and positive and feeling warm and fuzzy... You are better able to remember other times / things that happened when you were feeling happy and positive and feeling warm and fuzzy.

When you are just going off to sleep... In that faintly hypnotic frame of mind... You might start to remember thoughts / feelings you were having last time you were just going off to sleep... You might even start remembering dreams or something that you had forgotten when you were in a more awake place.

They say that women 'repress' or 'forget' the pain of childbirth after having a child... If they properly remembered it - they would only have just the one!

So... If you have trouble remembering just how bad things get sometimes... That is the flipside of forgetting just how good things can be at some other times. Don't get yourself into the head space that the depressed you is the 'real you' or anything like that... It is a part of you and it has worth to contribute... But it isn't the whole you, for sure, even though it might feel like it.

I hope you get the help you need.