Identity Disorders

@-jimi- You could be either one but it's hard to tell unless you learn how the two types brains work for yourself (But I definitely think the theory is actually based on an observable system which I found really helpful to learn.) You might find this person's channel interesting: It's a long video but it's definitely been worth it for me.

I think it's possible to have DID regardless of it's score but basically it suggests that above thirty would be a lot more possible...

Change in perspective... I know that there's something going on. It doesn't make sense that I've had these problems. I'm gonna talk with my mom about testing, I'd like to get to the bottom of this.

I know for sure I don't have DID, but I know I don't have a normal sense of identity either.

I sort of feel that way, although a lot of the questions seemed fairly similar to me I scored a 36 Although I don't know for sure whether I have it, it seems like it could be it. If I ever go to get tested, I'll reply back to this thread to let anyone whos interested know what I find out, since it might be helpful for other people too.

@-jimi- Actually, now I'm wondering if there was ever something really going on, or if I'm just a highly sensitive person whose also been sexually abused and as a result was very fragile about other people's perception of himself... I don't know though. Like I said, I'll post if I get any test results.

Also, just for info, check out my thread on Fiona Apple. Can you relate to her, or at least what I wrote, at all? If so, I'm wondering if you, her, and I all have a similar thing going on. If so, I'll probably develop a career out of looking into it and trying to solve these problems for the future which would be great! lol :P

I think my problem is really different and that is why I can't seem to find answers. Sure I'm sensitive on some levels (and not so much on others), I assume from having Asperger's and ADD. Despite this I don't really feel life has manhandled me much. I was never abused and the only thing that happened was I was quite bullied in the higher grades in school, but that happened after my "personality" developed, not before. The only thing that really "happened" in my childhood was that I got very aware quite early of life and death and the big picture of things, it quite freaked me out, but I don't know if I can "blame" identity issues on this.

I should add I don't have things like missing time, having things I didn't know I bought, I don't have friends telling me I have been "different" or anything like that. It takes me effort to be aware of my surroundings, I drift into myself quite easily. I remember being around 8 years old and friends had different taste in music, and I felt I should probably also identify more with one type of music which I did. I just didn't do it the way people normally choose, like Do I like this? I sort of pictured different "me's" in the future, like if they were already there, and it was like an older version of me decided for me, even if I knew they didn't exist yet, and my choices would make this future me come true or not. My choice needed to fit the one I wanted to be, but I still have no idea who really chose, because this identity had not been created yet...

Sounds weird? Maybe that is why I don't bring that stuff up with people.

Sometimes I feel that the different "me's" which are ALL ME (so there is absolutely no split in personality) are a result of me accepting in very much into my identity, and when I carry two conflicting opinions I can't suppress one (I assume this is what normals do), but all me is allowed to be there. But just conflicting ideas don't have to fight all the time, I might have split them up so groups of ideas that match become different parts and can play nicely together. It might be as simple as having conflicting ideas, just that with me, they group up and becomes a "personality".

Or maybe people's ideas of themselves are just lies. And I'm living closer to the truth...

This is a text I wrote one year ago:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/clyde...seriously.html

Being molested was a problem, and I acknowledge that, but I never really even felt like it was a big problem. I hardly even remember what happened, except for being pulled aside by a weird mentally-handicapped dude. My last therapist and I thought I've probably been disassociating. (I DO actually experience Derealization and Depersonalization a lot, and I could really relate to forgetting even simply actions like where I last went before class for example...)

I had this moment yesterday where I felt like I really just accepted who I am is who I am and when I did that it felt like I had really developed a personality for myself. I normally have moments like this quite often, but during this moment, I realized it probably wouldn't last, but I was alright with that and that's what helped. I accepted that my lack of personality was a part of my personality, and that made me more fully feeling like I had an identity. I no longer have that sense of peace about it today (I'm sort of in the normal mode where it's really vague and I have absolutely no self-concept), but I think that's probably a result of dissociation.

I'm ridiculously sensitive by every form of the word, so I'm wondering if that's probably had something to do with it... I had some sort of prenatal exposure to chemicals which made me really neurologically sensitive, and, as a result of nature and nurture, I've disassociated to the point where I no longer really have the idea of who I naturally am.

I thought it was really helpful how you narrowed down several of the problems you've noticed in people to those several key components. I think that's probably what we're (as a general population... haha XD) going to have to do in order to be able to develop an effective problem solving solution to identity problems.

Also, there could probably be some sort of therapy we could develop to combat this disassociation, I would think. (if disassociation is even the problem) I'm wondering if possibly a combination of rigorous personality theory, AMDR, and maybe a lot of changes in perspective (like simple past-exploration) would help... I don't know. There are probably a LOT of factors I'm not realizing and I don't really have a good sense of whether something would really be effective for problem-solving or not. :P

I definitely would like to explore this more, though! Please reply if you have any more thoughts, observations, or stories you'd like to share since I'd love being able to figure out what's going on here...

I will definitely check back. It's been a pleasure reading your very insightful posts.