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Old Mar 09, 2015, 02:47 AM
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Maven Maven is offline
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Does anyone have the same problem I do when it comes to telling certain people things or giving information? A person will criticize me, turn what I say against me, or use information as ammunition against me. They might reveal confidential info to others. This can be family and/or friends, or even just acquaintances.

I tell myself I'm not going to tell them private info or thoughts, and then I'll let my guard down and tell them something else that they turn back on me. There's a lot that I keep private, but sometimes I really need to talk, and I have a very limited supply of people I can talk to. Some I don't consider good people, but when I need to "let it all out" I'll turn to them out of stress and anxiety.

Does anyone else do this?
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  #2  
Old Mar 09, 2015, 06:05 AM
RedEagle RedEagle is offline
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People in general can't keep secrets. It's best not to tell people things you don't want repeated.
  #3  
Old Mar 09, 2015, 08:58 PM
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saw_q saw_q is offline
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you can talk to someone that are really trusted. if world are not trusted anymore cat can assist that way. i had talk to my cat sometimes. even so cat are more understand that people do.. hehe.. such a relive you try that.. good luck..
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Old Mar 10, 2015, 12:03 AM
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Maven Maven is offline
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You're misunderstanding, Simmering.. I am not divulging other people's secrets to anybody. I just mean that when I'm anxious and depressed, I become vulnerable and when people are acting nice to me (even if years ago I gave up on them but now they're back in my life), I might tell them more about my feelings than I should.

For example, there's a person of whom I spoke to not long ago, and I told her that, if there's a God, I'm mad at him for creating nature to often be cruel. She immediately started laughing and said, "Mad at God? That's your OCD talking!" Like caring about and having compassion for animals is a symptom of mental illness.

And Simmering, if your T is doing that, you need to report him to NAMI and/or sue him.

Saw_q, I do talk to my cats, but I feel the need to talk to humans sometimes. Often seeking advice.

RedEagle, it's not generally that others are telling my secrets. It's that some people will use what I say to belittle me, judge me because I have a mental illness, or tell me I'm not capable of doing things because of it.
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If I had a dollar for every time I got distracted, I wish I had some ice cream.

Equal Rights Are Not Special Rights

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  #5  
Old Mar 10, 2015, 12:13 AM
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unaluna unaluna is offline
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I get that. I do that. I try to stay away from people, or change the subject. It embarrasses me, what i used to talk about! I am getting better at changing subjects. It feels awful to talk about the - call it - sensitive stuff. Just pay attention to that feeling, acknowledge to yourself that you dont want to and dont have to stay stuck in that feeling; you can choose to talk about something you feel better about. You couldnt walk away when you were a kid, but you can now. Thats what i do now.
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Old Mar 10, 2015, 12:43 AM
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Maven Maven is offline
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Hankster, thank you so much! Mindfulness isn't easy for me, but that's what I need to get better at. I have to realize I may "want to let it all out" but the person I'm talking to at the time may not be the right person to tell. There might not be a right person in my life at all, but I have to tell myself it's better to keep it in.
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If I had a dollar for every time I got distracted, I wish I had some ice cream.

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  #7  
Old Mar 10, 2015, 07:41 AM
RedEagle RedEagle is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Maven View Post
You're misunderstanding, Simmering.. I am not divulging other people's secrets to anybody. I just mean that when I'm anxious and depressed, I become vulnerable and when people are acting nice to me (even if years ago I gave up on them but now they're back in my life), I might tell them more about my feelings than I should.

For example, there's a person of whom I spoke to not long ago, and I told her that, if there's a God, I'm mad at him for creating nature to often be cruel. She immediately started laughing and said, "Mad at God? That's your OCD talking!" Like caring about and having compassion for animals is a symptom of mental illness.

And Simmering, if your T is doing that, you need to report him to NAMI and/or sue him.

Saw_q, I do talk to my cats, but I feel the need to talk to humans sometimes. Often seeking advice.

RedEagle, it's not generally that others are telling my secrets. It's that some people will use what I say to belittle me, judge me because I have a mental illness, or tell me I'm not capable of doing things because of it.
Definitely don't tell people you have a mental illness. The general public thinks all people with mental illnesses are serial killers.
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  #8  
Old Mar 10, 2015, 07:51 AM
avlady avlady is offline
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for me myself, i find that people are more considerate now a days to people with mental issues, things are changing and i can even tell by the amount of more people i see in my docs office. we are even treated better than years past on the pshyc wards. i'm not saying there is not a stigma still, but people are becoming more tolerant and understanding of mental issue people.
  #9  
Old Mar 10, 2015, 09:50 AM
Dustyharley2 Dustyharley2 is offline
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Sometimes- more often than I like- I get so lonely to talk to another person or I'll be so depressed that I'll tell someone something that I realize after I shouldn't have said. Not like other people's secrets, but things that you would normally discuss with a close friend. The best example I can think of would be if an acquaintance asks how you're doing and you say bad because your significant other is cheating or left you. Later I'll beat myself up over the conversation and over analyze it to death.
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  #10  
Old Mar 11, 2015, 02:12 AM
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Maven Maven is offline
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RedEagle, I agree. I am very hesitant to tell people. Unfortunately, my family and boyfriend are not so protective of my privacy. I've told my boyfriend, for example, to ask me first before telling anyone, but every time he's told someone, he didn't ask! 😠

Avlady, I, too, see a little change, but I also find that people who tell me it's ok, and they're not judging me, usually turn out to be judging me. I have a whole opinion about judging, but I'll talk about that in a future post or thread.

Dustyharley2, that's exactly what I'm talking about!
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If I had a dollar for every time I got distracted, I wish I had some ice cream.

Equal Rights Are Not Special Rights

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  #11  
Old Mar 11, 2015, 07:49 AM
Anonymous59898
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When it comes to MH issues I am VERY cautious to whom I disclose. The number of people I have told that I had issues (still have but lesser degree) and saw a therapist I can count on one hand. I didn't even tell my parents at the time, even now they don't know the full story. I trusted and told my OH but he couldn't handle it, he didn't understand, sad to say he did negatively judge me - although he kept my confidence. It was a hard time for our marriage.

Therapy was a safe outlet for me, T didn't judge, thank God for Ts. PC is good too, with the anonymity and site rules.

I'm sorry to read your bf betrayed your trust, that is an important boundary issue in any relationship IMO, and something he should respect.
  #12  
Old Mar 11, 2015, 08:35 AM
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Perna Perna is offline
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I finally came to understand that I did not trust myself. I want to be able to share myself with anyone I choose and stand behind my sharing, no matter how the other person responds. I am not less because I have shared some of myself, I am not what is shared?

I originally worked the angle with ideas and sharing them, afraid others would "steal" them? Story ideas, just ideas of how to do something better at work, etc. I came to understand that I was thinking one had only so many ideas and if someone else liked and used them I'd have less.

But it's a form of practice, the more you practice coming up with ideas the better you get at it. The more you practice sharing and dealing with sharing yourself, the better and more comfortable you get with it. We're not always going to have trusted, good listeners and often even the trusted, good listener might be distracted or have issues of their own going on.

Think about what you post on sites such as this one, how you feel when others don't understand or seem to criticize what you have to say. I arbitrarily decided to not delete my posts or block others from responding or be defensive about what I had to say; I think about what I am writing and say it the best I can and stand behind myself 100% after posting. If I find I have made a mistake, I own it and apologize. If someone doesn't appear to understand, I will try to explain in a different way. If I am scared to read responses because I feel I was a bit "out there" I read them anyway. I try to stay "here", with myself, a friend to myself. I trust myself. Practicing that, here, helps me do the same in the real world, live, with other people.
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  #13  
Old Mar 12, 2015, 12:54 AM
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Umbral_Seraph Umbral_Seraph is offline
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It is extremely difficult for me to say anything at all to anyone, much less anything particularly personal, and I can't say I ever feel the need to tell anyone anything. Part of it is my personality, but most of it from the fact that for my entire life my parents have taken everthing I've said and used against me, no matter how small.
  #14  
Old Mar 12, 2015, 01:28 AM
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Maven Maven is offline
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I've had too many things used against me, that I try to be careful whom I tell what. But I also grew up with the idea of free speech and being honest and open and unafraid. So, I've told more to more people than I should have.

I'm under no delusions in regard to this site. I know Doc John and those involved with this site try to protect our privacy, but I also know that, on the Internet, once you put it out there, it's there to be found. I want my privacy and this type of sanctuary, but if suddenly, everyone knew my business here, I'd be okay. There would be some unpleasantness, but I'd get through it.

Thank you guys for sharing.
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If I had a dollar for every time I got distracted, I wish I had some ice cream.

Equal Rights Are Not Special Rights

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