[drunksunflower]

So I was just reading a board a lot of friends go to (IRL people) with a thread entitled 'Girls Are [Insert B-word]'.

It documented a 'girl on girl' incident of your usual cat-fight type situation. Of course, it morphed into 'Why are girls not nicer to other girls ... et al'.

I have more guy friends than chick friends. I find men a lot less complicated. The girl friends IRL I do have are often quite a bit like me in that respect.

I just can't be bothered with catty, bratty, pretentious behaviour, so, I suppose I select company based on that. And I often find it's just ... easier, less complicated ... to have most of my friends male.

I wonder if this is a 20s phenomenon, and if you 'grow out' of it as you get older?

Or is it a personality type thing?

Any female is going to be scrutinised by all other females as soon as she walks into a room. And you can bet that they won't all be thinking nice things!

Wimmin - seriously ...

Am I alone in experiencing this phenomenon?

Curious ...

[capricorn]

I agree with you
We are very much alike in those thoughts.
I too found that my male friends are less 'complicated' and I think one of the reasons they like me is because of this. Are we a unique breed? Who knows.
I like to think that I am an independent thinker and have never really followed the 'flock'.
I feel, too, that if you are a 'together' person , one who is totally at ease with yourself, you are less likely to be caught up in that sort of catty stuff.
It's not just a 20's thing This little black duck (me) is 40!!!
:0

[drunksunflower]

Lol ... so I won't like other women more with age?

I have a tight crew of a few lovely chickies ... But, I just hang out with more males. Always seem to have done. It IS that less complicated facet.

I have had more experiences with fruitloop women than I have with fruitloop men. Perhaps that has something to do with it? :>

I am also still friends with most ex-bfs. I have often been friends with them before relationships so I don't go for the whole 'hate after breakup' thing.

The funny thing is I can be a complete princess ...

But yea, I also have more things to talk about than the latest shade of lipgloss or which style of heels are most in this season. However, I like shopping just as much as the next girl (probably more than most!)

Tis a complicated wee world we live in ...

i have two best friends now. male. one is a counselor and the other is an ER doc. we talk constantly and we talk about work situations (not people) and are very supportive of one another.........works for me right now. though i seriously miss my friend thatr quit her meds.

[drunksunflower]

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fayerody said:
i have two best friends now. male. one is a counselor and the other is an ER doc. we talk constantly and we talk about work situations (not people) and are very supportive of one another.........works for me right now. though i seriously miss my friend thatr quit her meds.

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Do you think there is anything to the female vs male less complicated thing ...?

no, i'm an equal opportunity friend.

> Any female is going to be scrutinised by all other females as soon as she walks into a room. And you can bet that they won't all be thinking nice things!

maybe this functions as something of a self-fulfilling prophecy where one is caught in a cycle of 'better than i feel happy... worse than now i feel unhappy' etc etc...

guys can be easier to hang with because they are more likely to go out of their way to be kind... incase something might possibly will eventuate... whereas with women... potential competition...

there are ways out of the cycle but it can be hard work yeah. and sometimes... not worth the effort so much.

as you get older... it might well be that when you are secure with a partner that you will start to meet other couples and get friendlier with other females.

maybe partly because... well... i guess their aren't many married women in the world who spend the majority of their time with male friends (i wonder why)?

just some thoughts...

i always had male friends when i was married. always.

[drunksunflower]

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alexandra_k said:

maybe this functions as something of a self-fulfilling prophecy where one is caught in a cycle of 'better than i feel happy... worse than now i feel unhappy' etc etc...

guys can be easier to hang with because they are more likely to go out of their way to be kind... incase something might possibly will eventuate... whereas with women... potential competition...

maybe partly because... well... i guess their aren't many married women in the world who spend the majority of their time with male friends (i wonder why)?

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Interesting thoughts - thank you.

a) I actually just think that kind of happens. It's when you walk into a party you don't know that many people and the girls just give you an up and down. I am sure I do it to chicks too sometimes. Yes, competition.

b) I think your comment about men being nice because they might be in with a chance is quite sad. I certainly don't think that's the case all the time. I must admit I've always had my HMAs (Hot Male Accessories),. but that's just a running joke - it describes a lot of my boy friends, they are cool, sociable, awesome, lovely people who are good to also take out when you're single and need a partner or date or simply go out to dinner and be spoiled with attention if you so need.

c) I will not go out with someone who is insecure with my male friends. I tend to remind any such offender than actually, I was friends with that person before I even knew they existed on the planet, so they'd better get used to it or I'll seem them later. I cannot stand people who cut friends off just because they are in a relationship If I wanted a relationship with the friend, surely I would have taken advantage of the opportunity by now ...

Hmmm I like hearing others' thoughts...

neither of my male friends are friends with me because they think they "might have a chance".......they don't think like that. that made me sad too...........

[drunksunflower]

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fayerody said:
neither of my male friends are friends with me because they think they "might have a chance".......they don't think like that. that made me sad too...........

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Yea for me i know right away if there is going to be a 'chance' ... well sometimes you end up with someone liking you more than is comfortable but that's not the people you just click with as friends.

Having boy bits does not automatically mean they want your girl bits ...

well, they don't all think with their penis and it's insulting to hint that they do...........

[Zen888]

drunksunflower

I agree with everything you said. My experience has been that women do not become less catty or B as they get older. I absolutely detest working in an all female work environment...it's like PMS overload. Men are easier to get along with......they cut the crap...and get to the point......and move on.

[Maven]

I have male and female friends. And I really enjoy both. I don't think anyone sees me as a threat to their relationships, though, because I'm not "hot" or all that attractive (particularly because of my weight), and maybe if they did, they'd be more unaccepting of me. I have beliefs that many women would disagree with, but it's really how I feel. For example, I don't think it's wrong to tell a man, even if he's in a relationship, that he's good-looking, under certain circumstances. You shouldn't say it a lot, like you're trying to get with him, or flirtatiously, or in order to hurt your female friend. I think it's ok to say it during a conversation , like, "Well, you're a good-looking guy! I can see why Sally picked you!" but again, it shouldn't be done flirtatiously. I think it's better to say it in front of your friend, because if she finds out you say things like that to him behind his back, she might see it as you trying to get with him. I don't mean you just blurt it out, but if it makes sense within the topic of conversation, then I don't think it's wrong. Looking okay--touching not.

I also don't think it's wrong to date a friend's ex, if they are not considering getting back together or continue to have strong romantic feelings towards one another. A man who isn't right for your friend may be right for you, and vice versa, and as a friend, I would be okay with my friend dating my ex, if I feel he's treating her right. Of course, if the guy is abusive or something, I'd be the first one to warn my friend. But I'm talking about a friendly situation.

All this said, if your friend would really have a problem with these situations, then you have to decide which is more important to you. I wouldn't compliment my friend's husband that way (although, I feel, if you can compliment his work, especially if he helps you out in some way, why should complimenting his looks be any different, as long as you're not trying to steal him?) or date her ex if it would upset her, unless she wasn't a friend I wanted, anyway. Well, that still only really applies to the ex thing; I still wouldn't bother talking to her husband if he wasn't a friend, but only someone I hanged out with because I hanged out with her.

Zen, I agree that men (as a whole; there are exceptions, and the same goes for women) tend to be more efficient (at least in speech) and get to the point. I prefer that myself.

> It's when you walk into a party you don't know that many people and the girls just give you an up and down. I am sure I do it to chicks too sometimes. Yes, competition.

Yeah. And I'd agree that some girls have a very relational view of self esteem that can come off as a 'better than you' 'worse than you' assessment of superficial qualities. Guys can do this too, however, with pissing contest / show off behaviour. This being said I don't think that everyone engages in this. It is partly a defensive manouver, I think. While some people are so defensive they just can't seem to get past it... Sometimes smiling in a friendly way so people think 'she isn't assessing me negatively, she seems to like me!' is enough to get people to stop it. Refraining from participating in the 'oh my God look at her' kinds of conversations can also mean that one establishes a reputation by distinguishing oneself as a person with depth who people seek out precisely because they know you aren't likely to ***** behind their back and / or judge them harshly.

b) I think your comment about men being nice because they might be in with a chance is quite sad.

Ah. I didn't mean it in a 'getting into your pants' kind of way. I meant it more in the 'taking the friendship to the next level' kind of a way. Male chivalry ain't quite dead in the sense that guys can often be fairly protective and caring in a brotherly / father way of looking out for you whereas you are less likely to experience that kind of relationship with other females... Though... Maybe (for me at least) I might be inclined to see things this way because I always was looked out for / nurtured from my father more than my mother and I've found my male friends to be similarly nurturing and accepting.

c) I will not go out with someone who is insecure with my male friends.

Ah. I didn't quite mean that either. What I meant there was that later in life... Well, it would make sense that you would have more in common with female friends when it comes to such things as childbirth and having toddlers and the like. Those kinds of events tend to bring women together in a mutually supporting kind of way rather than a competitive kind of way where females are trying to distinguish themselves from the crowd. Of course I would expect you to continue to have male friends and to hang with them sometimes!

> Hmmm I like hearing others' thoughts...

Me too :-)

[drunksunflower]

Hehe even I don't do the 'OH my lord look at her' type thing ... I am a bish at times but that isn't my style. It is insecurity forreal. Oh I might if someone is wearing a black g under a white skirt or something. I mean, that is just bad taste :>

Yes I suppose some guys may go into it that way, but then you get 'ladder theory' kicking in. Ladder theory is not always a great way to begin relationships and I don't think guys who take their chances that way tend to do all that well - lol.

Heh my boys look out for me exactly the same way ... I have always had protection on heaps of different levels from them, which has been extended to my family (sister) when necessary. I am more than lucky ... One of my best guy mates moved to Canada recently and I cannot believe how much I miss him :/ I still go to text him and it's like - OH.

I guess I see what you mean with childbirth, I wonder how things will change as parental roles change - e.g. with more house husbands and laddie daddies (who are the male version of a yummy mummy, obviously ...)

I have great plans for the father of my children to at least share childcare - I have a lot of guy friends (especially the musiciany dj-y creativey types) who are highly receptive to the idea of staying home with baby ...

[Maven]

Ok, what's a "yummy mummy"? I know of a TV show called Yummy Mummies, but I just thought it was a show about mothers, but if I understand you right, it refers to a certain type of mother? Laddy Daddy sounds like a young father.

I look at other women, mostly wishing I looked as good as they do. My bf and I were in a college town in Delaware this weekend (I'm not trying to avoid mentioning which one; I just can't remember the name), and it was a warm day, and there were hot chicks everywhere!!! Most in short (SHORT!!!) skirts! I don't mind if my bf looks sometimes, but it does get old, especially when I don't get that kind of attention, you know? I play along, but it's a mixed feeling thing for me. I want to look like them, I want to bond with my boyfriend, but it hurts me, too.

I don't plan on having kids, but I demand equality when it comes to caring for the kids and taking care of the home. I picture it as me having a career, most likely outside the home, though. If I'm home all day and he's not, then I'll do a little more of the housework. And if he's home all day, I expect the same. But ideally, we'll be rich, and can hire people to clean and cook!

[drunksunflower]

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Maven said:
Ok, what's a "yummy mummy"? I know of a TV show called Yummy Mummies, but I just thought it was a show about mothers, but if I understand you right, it refers to a certain type of mother? Laddy Daddy sounds like a young father.

I look at other women, mostly wishing I looked as good as they do. My bf and I were in a college town in Delaware this weekend (I'm not trying to avoid mentioning which one; I just can't remember the name), and it was a warm day, and there were hot chicks everywhere!!! Most in short (SHORT!!!) skirts! I don't mind if my bf looks sometimes, but it does get old, especially when I don't get that kind of attention, you know? I play along, but it's a mixed feeling thing for me. I want to look like them, I want to bond with my boyfriend, but it hurts me, too.

I don't plan on having kids, but I demand equality when it comes to caring for the kids and taking care of the home. I picture it as me having a career, most likely outside the home, though. If I'm home all day and he's not, then I'll do a little more of the housework. And if he's home all day, I expect the same. But ideally, we'll be rich, and can hire people to clean and cook!

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Yummy mummy is a young, hot mother.

Alternatively known as 'MILF' but I can't post that definition here - lol!

[Maven]

Oohhhhh!!! Thanks! And I know what a MILF is, so no definition needed on my part, ROFL!