confused

ive no idea what i am or who i am. i dont know what i have and i know ppl here are always saying it doesnt matter its just a label, but to me knowledge is power and conrol of myself and my future. if i dont know what exactly im up against well im dead in the water. one wouldnt say labeling urself diabetic is just a label. its a disease and needs specific care. i think the same of MI.no one tells me!!! im not a child and im not in need of protection or i shatter like glass. i hate this hiding game and keeping secrets it makes me soooooo angry. i am an adult and can deal if i know what im dealing with.

neither T nor Pdoc ever did a psych exam or make me take a test answering questions. i give only direct answers to questions asked aloud. i do not explain or divulge much personal info. one i dont trust most ppl especially if i only know u 15mins every couple of months or 50 min a week. especially if even with ur planner u cant get things right. u write down stuff for urself to remember but then u dont remember or even check before opening ur mouth.

i know i have abandonment issues and i dont get close to more than a handful of ppl. i know i believe everyone has an ulterior motive. no one i have met has proved me wrong in that.

still i feel very lost and confused. who am i? what am i?

I'm sorry you are finding life so confusing. Both you pdoc and T should have diagnosed you by now since they have to have a diagnosis to put on insurance claim forms, so if you want to put a label to it just ask them. I can understand that it is hard to build a sense of trust in such limited time constraints. A lot of us on PC have trust and abandonment issues. I think that it kind of goes along with mental illness.

As far as who and what you are, it sounds like to me that you are a very sensitive knowledgeable person, who wants to get better by reaching out to others. You are someone that is important.