Hey all

I thought i would post, as i have several things on my mind. You may already be aware of my other post about my Nan, well this post is kind of related...let me explain.

I have been out of work now for 6 months, through my own choice. Basically i saved up enough money and left my job, and i have been so much happier and healthier since. I took on a temporary job last week which started today, and lasts 2 weeks. this it the first monday to friday 9 - 5 job i have had in 6 months...and already i feel trapped!!

My nan is in hospital and i wanted to spend the night with her to be there, but instead i had to come home to go to bed ready for work tomorrow morning, so i feel so angry and trapped...i need the money now though, i know my nan is more important but this 2 week job will do me many favours cash wise.

Plus, this thursday (the 3rd) it will be 6 years that my mum passed away...and normally the family get together and go out for the day to celebrate my mums life, but again, i cant...and again it makes me feel trapped.

I havent felt these feelings before, and i hate them. i know work is a neccesity, but i want to get into music, and i know full time jobs force me to feel pressured and trapped, ruining my enthusiasm and creativity for music. i know this job is only 2 weeks, but it has come at such a bad time for me...i want to be with my nan, i want to do something on thursday for my mums anniversary, but i cant.

I hate it, and it makes me so miserable. most of you may think im just being stupid or pathetic, but to me i cant do it. if it wasnt for the fact i recently needed that money (for my holiday) then i would walk away from it. and of course, i have had to cancel singing lessons for 2 weeks whilst im working, so i am not able to express myself there...it just feels like this job is taking everything away from me that i cherish...everything i left my job last year to pursue...my music, freedom and happiness. im the type of guy who NEEDS freedom, with it i am happy and creative, without it i lose creatvity, motivation and happiness, i get depressed living this life, im just not "wired up" that way!

i know, im moaning...i guess i just feel low! i am wrong to feel this way about my job?

Simon

[katheryn]

(((((((((((((((((simon))))))))))))))))))
im sorry you feel trapped in this job at the moment and cant spend time with your nan and celabrate your mums life, theese two weeks will be other soon, we will be here to listen if you want to talk

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((( Simon ))))))))))))))))

[January]

((((((((( Simon ))))))))))

I know that trapped feeling. I'm sorry you're going through it but I am also very glad you realize you need to work to get by.

Hugs,

Jan

[pegasus]

(((((((( simon )))))))))))

In view of your Nan being so poorly and the stress you are under is it possible to take time off to visit your Nan and take time off for the memory of your Mother?

Simon, i understand. within the last two weeks, i've started feeling trapped in my job. i want to be out photographing and seeing things and people and getting inspired. but, i have rent, utilities, internet, food, pets, etc..........it gets old, doesn't it?

hang in there and i'll keep Nan and your Mum in my heart this week. love you, pat

[sabby]

Oh Simon, I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. May I be so bold as to give you another way to possibly look at the situation?

I don't know if you are like me in this way, but I believe things happen for a reason. I believe that you have this "trap" job for a reason that you may not be able to understand at the moment, but in time will become clear to you.

I can see you are going through a very stressful and difficult time right now with the anniversary of your mum's passing and your nan being so gravely ill. There are times when our minds need to be used in other ways than worrying about personal situations. Working this 2 week job may be a way for your mind to deal with all that is going on around you. It may also be there to be used as an outlet for your anger and frustration too. I don't mean by being that way while at work, but it can be used as your outlet for your emotions right now. Does that make sense???

I know it sounds weird, but I truly believe you are meant to work right now. I know it's difficult because you want to be in other places with your family. I understand how it feels, I've been there before too. I hope you can find some peace with it all Simon.....really I do

Hugssss
J

((((((((((((((((simon)))))))))))))

thinking of you and sending you positive vibes. maybe it would be worth mentioning to work that you would like to have the two days off and maybe make the time up? or maybe it could be compassionate leave?
i am of the opinion that family come first and you should follow your heart, life is so short, do what you feel is right or you will regret it later.
your nan is in my thoughts too, take care, pm me anytime.

love jinnyann xoxoxoxoxoxo

[jacq10]

(((((((((((((((Simon)))))))))))))))
You are not moaning ... its so good for you to talk it though (even just a little bit) on here .. we are all listening and are here for you.
Hang in there,
Jacq

Thank you to all of you who are being so supportive...

I am happy and grateful i was there with my Nan this morning when she passed away.

Sabau2, i totally understand and agree with what you said, it makes a lot of sense...i believe things happen for a reason so i too hold the same opinions as you...i dont feel trapped anymore, not today, i think it was mainly out of frustration that i couldnt be in 2 places at once, but now i was able to be there for my nan, i feel ok about my temporary job. i took the day off today, understandably, but i will resume as normal tomorrow.

I had a lot of time to think last night and this morning whilst in hospital, and i thought about this job and my life etc, and it isnt as bad as i thought it was...i guess i just had a moment of selfishness and misery, and with everything that has happened today, it snapped me into shape i suppose.

I will pm you all shortly, it may not be soon though, as i think we are off to what used to be my nans house, we have to arrange certain things...but i promise i will get in touch with you all.

Thanks again

Simon

[derSchmerz]

I'm so sorry to hear about this. The life of the only person I love, and the only person who has loved me, is in dire jeopardy these days, and I dread the future more than ever. I hope that I can face it with the courage that you have shown here.

I won't say I pray for you because I don't believe in God, or fate, or karma, or pretty much anything anymore. But I wish you continued strength and better times ahead. I think it must be about time for you now, and you deserve it.