[Liinu]

I don't really know why I'm writing this here but lately I've been kinda off the bandwagon again and I just felt like talking about it.

I have this thing that whenever I watch shows or movies about mental health stuff it makes me wish I had it.

Like I watched prison break and the doctor had a morphine addiction and I got obsessed over it. Like googled the withdrawal effects and 12 steps and all that.

The same with a singer who has bipolar.

Like I wouldn't start using to make myself an addict. I just find myself wishing that I already was. And I fear that since I'm a nurse and have access to meds, it would be very easy to do something bad if it ever got to that.

Idk.. I just wanted to get your guys' thoughts on this I guess.

Do you want to be sick, or do you want treatment that works and/or to be cared about?

[Liinu]

I guess the whole idea of having others fix me is appealing.. The attention. Like I want a problem that's more apparent because im alone in my anxiety

Maybe.,

I recognize wanting something fixable. My T is always going on about the difference between passive treatment (meds, ECT) and active treatment (actually changing your life/lifestyle in the hopes that that lessens your problems). Passive treatment is far easier because you don't have to do much. I'd trade my depression for an addiction every day, because then I 'only' have to quit taking X in order to recover. What I have now, depression and PTSD, just isn't fixable. (Not through active and not through passive treatment, I outlined the difference because you actually say "having others fix me") I'd trade my depression for a severe physical illness (I'm not giving an example because I don't want to offend/minimize the suffering of people who have that illness) any time, because then at least the problem is apparent and the solution (or lack thereof) is apparent. I'm so tired. I'd love for someone to walk in and fix me. I'd love to only have to fight something external (be it drugs, hallucinations, a physical illness, or whatever) instead of having to fight with a part of myself.

In other words: I think what you're experiencing is totally understandable.

[Liinu]

Thank you.. You literally put my thoughts and feelings into words.

[Steiner of Thule]

I can understand this feeling.

I think it comes from loneliness or lack of attention. Something. If we are sick people will give us attention that we want. I dealt with this myself too. Wanting to be sick and it can some out sounding a little warped because who would want to be sick?

[*Laurie*]

Originally Posted by Liinu

I guess the whole idea of having others fix me is appealing.. The attention. Like I want a problem that's more apparent because im alone in my anxiety

Maybe.,

I can understand that. When I was younger I'd see schizophrenic street people yelling or doing whatever very obvious mentally ill thing & I'd wish I had a more apparent type of mental illness so I wouldn't feel so isolated and misunderstood. At this point in my life (52) I've been through so much...so much mental health treatment, so many, many losses, so much really hard life stuff...I'm very glad to just be here and when I have a pleasant day and I can sleep well at night it's like...the best thing I can imagine.

All in all, I wouldn't worry...let yourself fantasize a bit...you're not hurting anyone

[avlady]

i had a friend like that, she wished she had some mental illness, although she really did too but it just wasn't the one she wanted!!!

Yes I do this. I like shows where people are in rehab or in prison or are trying to lose weight, and so forth. It makes it look like these people are achieving something and that they have hope for the future. Being sick like this is the only time that you can be cared for without being judged and also it's a time of self-improvement that we don't normally get as adults.

[Ripose]

My mental illnesses are bad enough and the side effects of my medications make me constantly physically ill but I still wish I had a terminal illness and that I knew I would die within a certain time frame. I do have COPD but that can take many years to finally kill me. I would like something that will kill me in 1 year or less. Is this some type of suicidal tendancy?

[Karkki]

I can totally relate to this. This feeling of "wanting to be sick" is one of the biggest obstacles for me when I'm trying to recover from my eating disorder. I've been dealing with it for many years, but I've never been anorexic, which makes me feel like my ED isn't real. I think the reason behind this for me is that I want attention and to be taken care of. I really wanted to be hositalized and not having to worry about school or work or social stuff, just let others take care of me. It's the same thing with many physical illnesses for me. A few years back my sister had her appendix removed and that was so hard for me. I couldn't visit her at the hospital because I got anxiety attacks. The memories of how some of my family members sat there with her all day and bought her things and made sure she had everything she wanted still hurt. No one has ever cared about me like that even though I have several mental health disorders. I guess I've always been too high functioning and none of my illnesses have been visible to others, so no one's really understood how sick I actually am.

[LostNgone4ever]

Originally Posted by Ripose

My mental illnesses are bad enough and the side effects of my medications make me constantly physically ill but I still wish I had a terminal illness and that I knew I would die within a certain time frame.

I often feel this way. My meds and current mental illnesses make my life pretty difficult and every time I get sick or go to the doctors I hope that something will be horribly wrong and I'll be given less than a year to live.