Told I had Dissociation but....

I am at a loss of where to turn for answers as i cannot find anything explaining what i went through so I am hoping someone here may have an idea.

I was diagnosed with disociation 3yrs ago. My dr hadnt explained why or how he made this diagnosis and I hadnt asked at the time because I didnt see why he figured I had this, I just figured he threw it in with the rest of my disorders. I am a 26yr old female also diagnosed with ocpd, generalized anxiety disorder, and major depression disorder. I had a very mentally and emotionally abusive childhood, where i would severely withdraw from the world where I would be motionless and staring into nothing for very long periods of time.

Last night i realized that up until yesterday afternoon i had been in a disociative episode. My husband has called me last night reminding me about a conversation that we had been having over last 3 days. After arguing that i didnt know we even had this conversation, we realized i had had an episode. I, no matter how hard i tried could not even remember an inkling of this conversation, no details of the last 3 days, except for a couple tiny moments of cleaning the house, even as he was explaining to me what took place, I could recall no memory at all. I did not even have a feeling/naggung sensation,etc of having not been able to recount for lost days, it just seemed time went on as normal. It was like it never even happend at all, and wouldnt have known it happend unless it had happend to have been something that my husband and i had been talking about still, etc. I came out of the episode through a wave of exhaustion that lasted 10 seconds. My husband says that during this episode i had a demeanor that was completely opposite of what i normally am and functional but didnt think anything of it, and returned to normal when episode ended. I go through this 1-2x a week with just my husband alone, having these confusions of him claiming we had certain conversations, and me having no idea when it took place or that it even did take place. As far as how many episodes I've had while interacting with others or by myself, I don't know unless by some miracle it comes to life like this one with my husband did. Stress is a major trigger. We figure that these episodes last minutes or hours at most, with this recent one of three days being the lonest.
As I have stated above, I have no memory of thse episodes whatsoever from when,how, who was involved,etc or that any time was even lost. With that being said, I have absolutely no way of telling how I was feeling mentally or physically while experiencing these episodes because as far as I am aware they do not exist at all unless by some miracle they happen to come to light as this recent one did.

Please be wary if nobody else in your life besides your husband ever brings up things that you don't remember. If you had very mentally/emotionally abusive/manipulative parents growing up, there is a significant chance that you wound up with an abusive/manipulative partner. And if nobody else ever brings up things you can't remember, then your husband might be gaslighting the **** out of you.

However, if you experience this issue in multiple relationships, at work or college, etc, then it might be a case of DID.

first step is to breath and relax. having a diagnosis of dissociation just means you space off when triggered, you feel numb when you get triggered, you feel disconnected when you get triggered, in some cases dissociation means you dont remember triggering events. example emotionally charged conversations.

having a diagnosis of dissociation does not mean you have a major dissociative disorder like DID. you see dissociation is now a symptom and diagnostic criteria for m any mental disorders since the changing over from the DSM IV TR to the present American standards of the DSM 5.

because the new diagnostics for many mental disorders include dissociation as part of that mental disorder treatment providers must stipulate /document whether that persons depression, anxiety, bipolar,....(what ever the mental disorder is) includes dissociative problems like feeling numb spaced out, forgetfulness beyond the normal forms of forgetfulness and other dissociative symptoms)

think of it as just a formality of whats already been there, its just documented differently now because of the new standards treatment providers go by.

treatment for dissociation is figuring out what the trigger is that causes a person to have their dissociative symptoms (which according to your post it was stress related) and then using various therapeutic tools to reground yourself. what I do when I notice my dissociative symptoms is get physical, get in touch with my body, mind and environment by taking my canoe out on the lake and rowing around the lake, another thing I do is smell aroma's that are relaxing to me. I also take medication for my panic anxiety / depression \ bipolar disorders which also has helped to cut down on my dissociative problems associated with these mental disorders.


my suggestion if this continues to bother you contact your treatment providers. they can help you with treatment options, (to discover what to do about your triggers and how to best reground yourself when you notice your triggers.)

in the meantime there are many posts \ threads scattered around all the boards with great information on how to ground yourself back in reality when mental disorder symptoms strike, that may help you.

EVERYONE dissociates from time to time... it is very common for drivers, for example, to be in the driver's seat and then realize they missed their exit OR that, wow, I got here fast... it is also called highway hypnosis...

When we daydream we can dissociate...I mean, often that's why we daydream, to get out of "this" reality and imagine something more wonderful.

Having a disorder that includes dissociation just means to me that instead of being able to deal with a situation, you find another way to deal with it... handing it off to another part of your brain?

Thank you everyone for your responses, they are very helpful and appreciated as ive had a hard time figuring all this out. I also thank you for the concern, but I do not suspect my husband of being abusive/manipulative towards me.

I do agree it is a different way of dealing with a situation than you normally would, it just so happened that this one in particular was quite a bit different then my normal times of dissociation. I have been making an effort not to over think it, as that just causes more stess.

Are you still seeing a doctor or therapist for these difficulties? I would ask them what they think.

No, it was a dr I had seen when I was in the psyc ward for a while. Said dr referred me to someone close to home, whos solution for the dissociation was to load me up on meds to the point where i was having severe with speech, forming/maintaining thoughts, stuttering, short term memory loss, etc. Stopped seeing him and taking meds. Got referred to our family dr who has put me on abilify and trazedone

Hi HeraDelacour,

I have had exactly the type of dissociative episode you describe. I was diagnosed with PTSD due to childhood physical, mental, emotional, and sexual abuse.

Luckily, it doesn't happen as often as it used to, but it's no less disturbing. Mine also can last from minutes to days. I have no idea why that is, but I don't realize it happened until after it's over. Other symptoms I have, such as flashbacks, I can recognize and 'pull' myself out of it, but not with the dissociative episodes.

Sometimes I know what triggers it, and sometimes I don't. Once I found myself at work, wondering how I got there, three hours after my start time, and when I realized I had just come out of an episode, I ran to the bathroom to first check and see if I had 'gotten ready' and was relieved that I had put on make-up, fixed my hair, and put on my uniform. Then I went looking for my vehicle in the parking lot because I wasn't sure if I drove or walked ( it was only 6/10ths of a mile, so I walked on nice days) and finally found my van, parked where it wasn't supposed to be, and not having any memory of parking it there, much less driving it. To this day I have no idea what set it off and it spooks the hell out of me.

Recently - oh God this one is awful - my husband said something and according to him, I attacked him, trying to hit him. He managed to hold me off (he commented later he didn't think I was that strong). When I came out of it, I was putting on my workout clothes, still furious though I had no idea why, and went for a walk through the graveyard. That's not unusual, but I only walk in the graveyard during the day or at dusk. This was 3:30 in the morning! I have vague memories of yelling at God as I walked/stumbled along. I just wanted to join those around me because I was exhausted from all the hard work it takes to heal, and because every time I think I've just about got it licked, I do something 'bad' again and hurt those I love.

I know that a recent incident with my abuser (my mother) when I finally got up the courage to tell her she was still just as dangerous and psychotic as she's always been despite her efforts to convince me otherwise, has caused some regression. For what it's worth, I also told her I still loved her anyway. How sick is that?