[xxxyyyzzz]

This isn't the first time it happens. If everything is good in my life or if my life is "too boring", I unconsciously do something that causes me emotional pain. And when I'm already in pain, I want things to get better and go back to how they were before. It's kind of masochistic in a way. I start overthinking on purpose to feel something and sometimes I miss the times when I was in pain and want to go back. That's probably why my friendships don't last long, because I purposely ruin them or put them at risk and then try to fix them just to entertain myself, I guess.

Am I the only one who feels this way? Is this okay? If not, how do I stop it? Thanks

[CopperStar]

It's also possible that you have a lot of unprocessed stuff in your head, and that this is your way of trying to get 'permission' to feel things that you needed to feel at some point but were unable to feel fully and express.

What you're describing actually doesn't make much sense, as well. There is actually no such thing as emotional masochism, I don't care what convoluted argument anyone might try to make against that, it just flat out does not exist.

Either you're a sociopath who is in a perpetual state of boredom and likes to elicit negative emotions in other people to entertain yourself.

Or you are reliving old things and trying to process toxic crap out of your mind.

[StillIntending]

Originally Posted by xxxyyyzzz

This isn't the first time it happens. If everything is good in my life or if my life is "too boring", I unconsciously do something that causes me emotional pain. And when I'm already in pain, I want things to get better and go back to how they were before. It's kind of masochistic in a way. I start overthinking on purpose to feel something and sometimes I miss the times when I was in pain and want to go back. That's probably why my friendships don't last long, because I purposely ruin them or put them at risk and then try to fix them just to entertain myself, I guess.

Am I the only one who feels this way? Is this okay? If not, how do I stop it? Thanks

I have a pretty similar question that I put in Depression, titled "Do I enjoy this?" So well. I don't have the answer for you, given that I'm experiencing something similar. But I do hope you find it. And that I find it too. I don't know what you suffer from, but I suffer from depression, and in the end, everything I have to say about it boils down to one thing—Depression is a liar. It throws thoughts and impulses at you that feel so entirely real and aren't. You won't be able to differentiate on your own. You will need to trust in at least one or two other people to differentiate for you a lot of the time. I'm slowly coming to terms with that. I'm not there yet. But I'm making progress. And I hope you can too.

[Dog on a Tree]

There must be other dynamics going on within yourself. Because most people don't like or crave emotional pain. Perhaps your doing it as a way to show to yourself that you are alive, that you do have emotions, that you're not numb.
I hope it's something you can overcome.

[BLUEDOVE]

Ahhh,yes,instantly recognizable! Will sound crazy,but is true.
Order following book: "Addicted to Unhappiness",by Martha and
William J.Pieper (both docs). Now your conscious mind might
say,'don't be ridiculous', but it is the UNCONSCIOUS that is
creating the NEED for misery. It is a mistake we made when we
were children,which becomes our 'default' position; and if the
misery is not there,one way or another we will seek it out!

[superfly47]

You get so used to having emotional pain to deal with that it becomes your default setting, you're used to it and what is the best way to approach it. When that pain is gone, you're in new situation, you don't have something to focus on getting better. Not knowing what you should be doing is uncomfortable and can be unsettling.

So when you get emotional pain back, your subconscious thinks, okay, I"m used to this, I know what to do.