Not sure what this is.

I have a lot of problems with guilt, or lack thereof, I have problems feeling it which is a horrible feeling. I've come to realize that every nice thing I do doesn't come from the kindness in my heart, but is just a tool to boost my ego and reputation. It's a lot easier to do something nice for somebody when somebody is there to watch me do it, or when I know I'll get praise for it. I also act out to get attention, which I need a lot of. I've been afraid of being a sociopath for a while, but now I realize I was only afraid of that because I was worried about my reputation, and what would to happen If I hurt somebody. I daydream constantly about being adored by thousands, and being better than others. In reality I'm loser who has no friends eats food, plays guitar and daydreams all day. I always wanted to be famous, but only for a reputation boost. I hate this. What do you guys think?

Hello? Anybody?

Swaggyfishsticks,

Hello. I'm not very emotional (due to trust issues), so I understand somewhat. You are not a loser.

Have you ever tried volunteering in something that interest you? Because you don't get paid, the dynamics are different. Volunteering makes you feel good. I agree that it is nice to receive recognition when you feel you are helping others. For me the volunteering is my reward. Hope I am making some semblance of sense.