I Think I am a Compulsive Liar

Hello, I am new to this site and new at forums but allow me to introduce myself, I am a 17 year old girl and have become aware of a problem I have with lying. I am really desperate for help. I always catch myself telling lies to my friends but i continue telling them anyways. I've always been embarrassed about my personal and social life because I have a lot of family problems and due to my introvert personality, I don't have many friends. I tell lies that won't affect anyone except my conscience. When I lie, I make myself believe it a little in order to escape from my depressing life for a while and make myself seem better in my own eyes as well as the other persons'. It makes me feel better when my lies make me seem less pitiful. I the most irrelevant lies, like for example if my friend from school were to tell me she had fun with her friends over the weekend, I would feel pathetic because I spent mine alone watching movies so therefore I would proceed to tell her how I spent time with my "other friends" and "boyfriend" (which is of course a lie). If a boy started to hit on me I would let him down by saying I have a "boyfriend". No one ever questioned or doubted me so I just let it be and continued lying and giving "relationship advice" to my friends from school since I have a "boyfriend". Recently, I've started to feel really guilty about these lies, bringing me even lower in my own eyes. I want to be reassured that I'm not a bad person that should feel ashamed. Am I really a compulsive liar? Whenever I think back to these lies, I feel really pathetic. Any advice? Thank you for reading.

I tried to read up on habitual/compulsive/pathological lying and how to stop it, but it's hard to find anything. Here's what I've gleaned so far:

1. You have to stop lying to yourself. I assume that's the hard part!
2. Find a therapist you're really comfortable with and make a commitment to not lie to them. I think it would be easier to say "I'm never going to lie to this one person" than to try to quit lying cold turkey.
3. If you lie out of anxiety, antianxiety medication can help.

How to Stop Compulsive Lying

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...e-and-how-stop

Hi asvpxpink, Don't your friends wonder why they never see your boyfriend? My mother was a compulsive 'storyteller'; sadly, she seldom fooled anyone. Generally speaking, people see through fabrications. I'm mentioning this because I am concerned that your compulsive lying might be preventing you from making real friends.

Is it possible that your lying is a way to keep people at arm's length because you fear people finding out about what you think is 'the real you, or about your family prolems'?

It is often easier to fib that tell the truth, at least in the short term.

I doubt you are a compulsive liar as you can see the error of your ways.

Best pack it in before you get in too deep.

Omigosh, my best friend in high school did that. I never thought of it as lying because I didn't realize she epxected me to believe her. I just thought of it as storytelling. Then she'd get really upset when I'd laugh about it. So confusing for me!!!

I really wouldn't call that compulsive lying. That's too dark a term, IMO, for what you are describing. It sounds to me more like fantasizing that you share with others to feel more acceptable. But it's sad. To do it now and then woukd not be wrong. You're under no obligation to give everyone and anyone a window into your life. A little fiction now and then can even be a healthy defense mechanism. I had to learn that because I was the opposite and tended to be unwisely open with people, which I don't recommend. It's better to have the mental flexibility and resourcefulness to spin a little story when you need to protect yourself. But you are taking it too far, I think.

It sounds like you don't trust anyone. Or you don't trust anyone to like you for yourself. You're carrying around too much shame. People aren't all that bad. Some are. But don't assume that everyone is. This habit will keep you that much longer in a friendless state. Give yourself permission to bare your soul just a little once in a while. Someone says they had a great weekend. If they are someone who has been okay toward you, try saying, "Well, darn it, my weekend was an absolute bust. Think I'll have to come up with a better plan for next weekend." Maybe this person will offer you an invitation. You're giving people the impression that you don't need anyone. It's okay to be in need of someone reaching out to you.

When I changed schools at age 15, I would spend the lunch period in the girls bathroom. I was afraid to go into the cafeteria and be seen eating alone. Then, one day, I was so hungry that I decided I just wouldn't care. So I started going in and getting lunch and sitting down by myself. I thought I looked like the biggest freak in the school. After a few days of this, a wonderful classmate of mine came over and insisted I sit with her and her friends. We became close friends. She ended up letting me know that she admired me and felt complemented that I liked her so much. She was a cheer leader and very popular, but she valued me more than I expected anyone at school ever could. She had her own insecurities and shared a lot with me. Give people a chance. You might get real surprised. They all have fears and inadequacies too.

hello Rose76, thank you so much for this great advice! you really helped me understand the root of my problem and i can now bring myself to try and fix it. i really appreciate it!

hello LauraBeth, what you're saying makes a lot of sense. To answer your question about the boyfriend, I tell them he's from another school and I don't need to explain further. I haven't said so much that would make it seem like I'm telling a story or to the point where people can see through the lie, which is why I wasn't concerned until now.

I suspect you're being too hard on yourself. I give you loads of credit for recognizing and admitting that your lying is a problem. I don't think the cause is any deeper than what's been posted here...you probably lack self-worth and want people to think you're the person you want to be, the person you believe they'll like.

Maybe it will take a bit of practice to stop lying. With that practice I think you will develop a habit or truth-telling - or of not giving away much personal information at all. My biggest concern is what I mentioned already...that people will avoid you because they can figure out that you have a habit of stretching the truth. But you can break that habit and exchange it for a habit of genuineness, I really believe you can!

I am in great respect of you for seeing this and wanting to get help. As long as you see it and want help, I do feel you will recover. I had a friend who was a pathalogical liar. She did not know she was lying. Or I have been told she didnt. Compassion kept me from pointing it out to her. I have such great respect for anyone who sees this as an issue and works on the roots etc. Wishing you best.