What do you do when you realize you are stuck in a place, pattern and lifestyle that isnt working?

Usual pattern... I was broken and destroyed and I let someone save me then got stuck in the broken place because it was easier than moving on.

I have been somebodys pet, child or project my whole life.

But the longer I wait, the harder leaving will be...

But I have a house full of crap, no money, a cat, no idea where I would go or what I would do. I havent legally worked in over 6 years. I have no references. I dont trust myself with getting most forms of help, given this pattern...

I dont know where to go or what to do but waiting for something to change is not going to work, it will only get harder.

With a year clean, can I go to a second stage addictions program? Dunno, but that might help. I cant keep saying that I cant stay here and doing nothing about it... but scary.

[Angelique67]

I don't have any advice but I hope you find some solution that works out well.

[whatisthishere]

Cant move without starting somewhere. Work for a little where your at until you save enough to go where you want to go. Find out what you can do for work in this new place your going, cost of living, median income levels etc. before you go. Good luck.

[*Laurie*]

Hi somat, Three years ago I admitted to myself that I was living in a situation that was unhealthy, unsafe, and generally miserable. I put the word out to family, and a little bit to friends, that I needed to change my life in a major way, much as you have done here. Telling people made me feel responsible for making a serious change. A year passed and things were worse. Another year passed and things were terrible. This past April my living situation had become downright dangerous and entirely intolerable. My life was in danger, no mistake about that. One night I said ENOUGH. I packed up my most valuable possessions (stuffed everything into my car), my nine cats, my pet rat, and went to a relative's house. Yep, all the pets and me. Relative was less than thrilled. Too bad, that's what family is for, and I was a polite house guest.

I came to terms with having lost so many of my possessions. Not an easy thing to accept, but I had to cut my losses. I quit my job of twelve years, immediately applied for unemployment benefits, and spent 6 hours every single day searching for a place to live. It took two weeks until I found an apartment for my fur family and myself. We moved in. I love my new home. I am safe here. It's just right for me. I just keep looking ahead, moving forward...'Go Forth' is what I constantly tell myself.

Recently I pounded the pavement until I was able to get help with buying groceries and get on medicaid. It took a lot of doing over a 4 week period, but I got it done, with persistence.

I am content. Still battling my mental health issues every hour of every day, but my life overall is incredibly improved from the hell it was 5 months ago.

That's what I did when I realized I was stuck in a place, pattern and lifestyle that wasn't working.

i really wish i could do that but since i live alone, it would be a huge asshole move to just leave all of my crap here (i am a hoarder, which doesnt help). i also dont have anyone i can go stay with.. and i have a cat... and no money....

one of these days i will get away. god, it isnt going to get easier with time... dunno how i will do it but something has got to change.

afraid i will relapse just sink low enough to get out of here (then i could go to rehab or at least be so desperate that i find some other way...)

[*Laurie*]

The no money aspect of your situation is a problem. The rest of it is entirely doable. I don't understand why the one cat is a problem? Finding housing when you own a cat is very easy to do.

[avlady]

i hope you can do this it does sound like you're stuck in a rut. have courage or at least try to get one thing done at a time, like they say, one day at a time.

[Fuzzybear]

i dunno... i also dont drive. i can barely bring myself to clean up the house. no idea where i would even go... in some ways, i feel like i am leaving a cult (long story i cant get into).

[*Laurie*]

I probably understand what you mean by 'leaving a cult'. I felt that way exactly when I finally, this past spring, left the place I was living in. The main reason I finally broke away and left was because a man, my room-mate, who was abusing me. It took years for me to get the courage to leave. When the night came that I truly felt my life and the lives of my precious pets were in danger I broke away and left. Never looked back. In a big way I feel like I left a cult leader.

[cakeladie]

LauraBeth you are a very strong determined person. Good for you

Somat you need to contact social services and get help. There is help out there but you have to ask for it. Asking us here is a good start but we can only encourage you. You have to take the first steps. You might only be able to bring your cat and a few other things but you will be free

[*Laurie*]

Thank you so much, cakeladie. I don't feel strong, I feel terrified. But life goes so fast! There's no time to waste on being stuck in a miserable situation. I guess I fear regret more than anything.

I agree regarding social services - somat, please just take a step by contacting a social service agency. Call 211 - they're there for people like us. NAMI is often another excellent resource.

well, i got away for at least a few days and it felt so freeing.
some people i have talked to keep saying that to move without a plan would just be running away, and i shouldnt...
however, i know that i need to go, i just dont know how. i had another falling out with someone. it had to happen. i feel free for the first time in years, in having these falling outs with people... but it still sucks and there is no way to start over where i am.
i will just have to start taking the ferry to get outside help, for the time being... and doing things on the other side of the ferry... will be a huge pain in the *** and hard to get motivated to get help when it takes so long to get there... but i will have to do it.

i dont know. i wish i could better explain but its a long story. this had to happen, this blow up and losing friends, but it still sucks. it sucks in a place where i cant get away without an hour of traveling...

hopefully figure it out soon. i am still away, wish i could stay, but my cat is at home and i had a falling out with the person taking care of him. gotta get away...

ugh, why cant life be easy for a change? it is better than it used to be, but just as hard, if not harder...

[*Laurie*]

I'm glad you had a good break, and never mind what people say about running away - they're not in your shoes.