Trying to figure out my issues with intimacy

I want intimacy, but at every opportunity I shy away from it. It hurts I'm not sure what my issue is, I've always been like this. It's not fair to any of my partners in the future. To want to be touched but draw away so quickly. I hate it and don't know why I'm like this.

Don't know what's wrong, but I have a similar issue. Not just with partners, but with platonic friendships.

Best of luck, though.

How did your parents behave toward you, Endless? Were they giving or withholding?

I have the same problem and can't figure it out. I want someone to know my soul so badly, but when I try to let my true self out it comes out in a ****ed up, anxiety riddled mess. Emotionally, I want to spill my heart out but it's like the logical part of my brain is saying, "No, you idiot! She will never understand. She will think you are a monster! As much as it hurts to keep it inside it's NOTHING compared to how you'll feel when you get rejected!"

If I pour my heart out and someone can't handle it and walks away I'm afraid I might go berserk.

This exactly. The internet is the only place I've ever been able to be truly honest and real - there's a distance there, a separation that makes the sharing experience almost unreal. Which is great, no real consequences. To be blown off, ignored, criticized, condescended, or rejected by an actual person in real time....I don't know what I'd do.

I experience plenty of "post-regret" from writing insane, hysterical, or over-sharing things. It's a small comfort to think that it's anonymous and you're mostly just a username there.

Sorry to keep thread crashing.

Most likely tied to your childhood. You either didn't receive it much or maybe hold grudges against those that did show affection to you. Thankfully, this is something you will be able to adapt to over time and provide more intimacy to your significant other. Have you seen a therapist about it?

Is it possible that you were molested and suppressing it ? It happened before, and you could be hypnotized to verify the truth....healing always starts with self awareness!

I struggle with this too. I want company, to be around friends but I find it very hard to let people into my inner world. If I do then I feel too needy. I'm trying to find a balance.

I understand what you need. It's hard!

they were giving. I've been like this even as a young one. like a baby, I mean

Nope. My parents never took me to a therapist. If I asked now, I would need a reason, and having touch issues is not enough for them.