[tranquility]

I'm wondering if anyone has figured out how to get around this issue.

Yesterday I went to a my AA meeting. I have been depressed lately but I always look forward to the meeting and some of the people I see. I went early, which is normal for me, to spend time with "my guys" who set up. They are wonderful people from 40 - 70 years old and I love them to pieces. I always feel good aroung them.

Yesterday was no different - I spent great quality time with them before the meeting. I felt pretty good. Someone shared in the meeting that when they are spiritually sound, what other people have does not affect them. But if they are a little off the beam, they may start feeling the why's (why can't I have more things, more money, more love, etc). He said he needs to stay in his own life and be grateful for what he has and accept what he has.

That hit me strong - I raised my hand to share and when called on, fell apart. This was not like me at all - I never cry in meetings. I was just a mess and all of a sudden all these words came out of my mouth that i didn't know where they came from. I was angry with my higher power that I have a chronic pain condition that is not going to go away.

I realized that I have to try to find a way to accept what has been dealt to me. Up to now, I've just been chasing doctors to see how to make it go away. Even when they have told me it won't - that the best that I can hope for is to be be able to cope better, I still think something is going to take it away.

I guess the thing that hit me the most, that I wonder if other people have conquered, is how can you feel so many things and not know it? Why is it that it took someone to say something that all of a sudden burst this dam in my brain? I feel like I don't know myself when it seems all I do is put on a smiley face and pretend life is grand. The bad part is many times I don't realize I'm pretending.

So frustrated - any ideas? Thanks for making it this far on this lengthy post

-tranquility

[January]

Hi Tranquility,

I think sometimes we are so busy trying to put on a "happy face" and staying busy in our day-to-day lives that we don't take time to listen to our inner selves.

Miracles come in strange packages. Sometimes it's in the words of a person who crosses our path.

Sometimes we have to accept we have a condition we do not want, and then figure out how to make the best of it. It's not easy. Some days you can handle it and other days you can't. That's when you take a nap, read a book, take a bubble bath, etc. to get your mind off it.

From one who has pain to another, I wish you the very best.

January

[sabby]

Hi tranquility

I wonder if at times what we do, in order to deal is to put certain feelings away. We keep ourselves busy with what needs to be done and we forget we've stashed them somewhere. All of a sudden, something triggers our memory of where we stashed that feeling and it just floods out of the gates without warning. It's as if it has come to the time of dealing. For whatever reason, that feeling is screaming to be heard and dealt with in order for us to learn and move on.

I'm sorry you are in such physical pain. I applaud you for working so hard in recovery. Try not to be so hard on yourself for what happened. I think everyone has moments when we break down and have to deal with a fact of or lives that is not pleasant. Maybe if you can consider it a time for learning and growing within, you can be more at peace.

I send you thoughts of strength and peace to help you evaluate and overcome the issues you are faced with.

Hugsssssss
J

i understand your frustrations very well. i had to take a pain pill and lie down this morning and while curled in the fetal position, i was trying to come up with something to think about other than the pain........all at once a small idea, for my yard, started growing and i worked it and turned it and polished it and stretched it and when my friend came in from the store, i was bursting to tell him what i had thought about. my pain was still with me, but the joy of the new idea helped diminish it a bit. we talked it over and started the plans. i'm still hurting, hours later, but i managed to get through the worst of it.

i wish i could rid you and everyone else that i know of chronic pain but i can't. but i can send you the best wishes for a less painful time right now. xoxoxo pat

[tranquility]

{{{{{{January, J, Pat}}}}}}}}}} Thank you - I'm glad I seemed to make sense. I can relate to the being so busy trying not to pay attention that you brush it away.

When I recently started with a hypnotherapist and went "under" for the first time, I realized it was the first time my brain was quiet in over 10 years! I can never do one thing at a time!

For instance, right now I'm watching a movie, posting here, and playing a video game. Just can't seem to sit with myself.

-Thanks guys, makes me feel warm and good!

-Tranquility

I don't know how long you've been sober, but consider that you are feeling your feelings now instead of covering them up.

It takes time to learn about them, what they are, how to name them, and espeacially to be able to just sit with them.. have them.

[Wants2Fly]

I think you're doing great with the whole package, Tranquility -- sobriety, coping with pain, your feelings, life. It's a journey, not a destination.

[Dulcinea]

<font color="purple"> Hi and thanks for putting it into words for me! I suffer from fibromyalgia and its not going away. I am angry inside and dont want to accept it. It is hard but I need to. Your experience helps me understand mine. Thanks so much for having the guts to share that!
Dulcinea </font>

[tranquility]

Thanks Dulcinea I'm sorry you have this too! They are testing new drugs every day so maybe a cure will come.

I wish you a pain free and depression free day

-Tranquility

[Dulcinea]

Thanks trank you too.....
Dulci