[estrella]

It's been two months without self harm, and fiv months without cutting. I'm a mess right now. I've been crying for two nights now.

Calling crisis line did NOTHING except make me feel rushed and unimportant. They kept getting calls, and they kept interrupting me, and every time they heard a call, they'd give a loud sigh of frustration.

I get you guys are busy, but don't push people away.

On top of this, my boyfriend and I aren't seeing things eye to eye. I'm not moving in with him. I'm in need of a job--which I CANNOT WORK--because of my anxiety and just...I want to get help, but I have to wait till March to see a doctor, unless I go haywire. Then I'd be committed.

I don't know how to get disability. But I need it. Or something to help me.

Idk what I'm supposed to do. Whenever I feel I have it together, I find out I don't. To some, even just getting out of bed isn't good enough because I have to suck it up. And I can't. There's no point.

Now I have to forgive myself for this relapse. And gah...I'm just so done. So so so done.

[10yrsgone]

I am so sorry to hear about what's happened, estrella. I would like to wish you all the best in this situation.

I think the thing I am most saddened about is the lack of regard from the mental health system! I mean, hell, physical ailments have emergency rooms, Immediate Care facilities and (depending on the service) staff who will bend over backwards to attend to patients at the drop of a hat...why this is not 1:1 with mental health in this country is absolutely awful. I am extremely sorry the crisis line treated you so rudely. Pardon the dramatics, but...how could they?!

I hope you will be able to see a doctor very soon. I don't want to sound naive (since I can't speak from experience as someone who only recently decided to seek help), but three months is far too long. Until then, seek out every local/community resource you can, even if it's as innocuous as a support group.

I know my words may not mean much in the grand scheme of things seeing as though I'm new and slightly idealistic, but I am hoping things turn around in a positive way very soon. You deserve better.

[(JD)]

Good for you! You went " two months without self harm, and fiv months without cutting" ... that's wonderful. Okay, so you have a set back... and begin again. That IS how it works...and perhaps you will go even longer this time ... and before you know it... you won't even think about this "need" now in your life.

As for finding resources for disability, being in the USA, have you tried calling or stopping by your local hospital's ER? They used to always have social workers there and never charged for conversation ---and they always had a wealth of resources to call and contact regarding whatever your need is... they work at you NOT needing to enter hospital.

Breathe. Things won't always feel this bad.

[PumpkinPieHead]

I'm sorry that the crisis line was so rude! I called the Samaritans in New York, my experience was lovely with them. You couldn't even hear other operators. Their number is (212) 673 3000.