No one is the worse victim

Yeah, it's kind of frustrating.

We don't always know what is going on with other people. The girl who broke up with her boyfriend may be dealing with her first broken heart, or for all we know he's an abusive twat, or they were engaged and he cheated, or any number of possibilities. There is often more to the story than what we hear.

I don't play the my crap is worse than your crap game. Just because I'm not homeless and starving in a war zone, doesn't mean I'm not entitled to feel bad about what I'm dealing with or even be depressed about it. But other than gaining perspective by reminding myself of the good things I do have ( I have a job, other people are unemployed for example), I refuse to judge other people, since we rarely have all the facts.

We don't' know if they have mental health issues, body issues or what happened in their past to make them see it as worse than we see it.

No big deal... but I disagree. There are differences. There is always nuance and circumstances.

I've been thinking about this thread for days. This is going to be kind of a typical "I see both(all?) sides" Liz answer.

I believe we all need, to some degree, acknowledgement that there's shyte going on in our life. It's disheartening to have someone else seem to dismiss our pain. My husband died in August 2000. Not long before the holidays I mentioned to my T that I was struggling with my feelings with the upcoming holidays. He told me there were people who lost family on the holidays, how would I feel about that. I was shocked by what I thought was insensitivity on his part. Earlier this year I had to spend a minor fortune to have my entire house replumbed. I mentioned it to a friend who said "Well, at least you have the money." Yeah I did, but it had taken a long time to save that much. Any case I felt dismissed by both people. I didn't need either person to make my problem better. I just wanted someone to hear me and acknowledge me.

I hear you about those with apparently trivial problems that make them seem like the end of the world, but to that person it might seem like the end of the world. I bite my tongue and try to say something kind. I remind myself that this person might never have suffered what others might think of as a "major" problem. Or maybe they lack the coping skills to deal with whatever is happening.

another personal example - first time I went to a support group for DV survivors I listened to the horror stories the other women felt. When it was my turn to speak I said I didn't feel like I belonged there because hubby had "only" hit me twice. The reality was that while he'd only hit me twice I was a broken, scared little rabbit who was dissociating just to get through the day.

When it comes to comparing ourselves to others I see both sides. It's dismissive to minimize what someone experienced. At the same time it helps me to remember that life could be worse when I climb up on the pity pot.

Well, I do get annoyed with people whinning over little stuff, especially when they expect others to solve it.

I mean, i dealt with 30 something man who was a mess mess mess, messity messy mess cause his girlfriend broke up with him. And at the same time part of our group is a teenage girl, who seen several of her friends killed, dealt with shot wound injury... and she hardly ever mentioned it.

My experience is that the "white whine" is much easier to share than real troubles. People with sever PTSD or severe depression don't go around talking about it or making numerous facebook posts about it.

And I actually have a plot of apolyptic novel in my head - where a terrorist group decides to start a civil war in western country, after they are tired of whining about trivial things on social media and all around. They want to start a havoc, so people appreciate the little thing again. Yeah, how horrible of me. Still. I was born with soviet tanks on the streets. So maybe I have some inborn cynicism.

Lets just say, gratitude and perspective is nice, but de-valuing and dismissing other people's personal life experiences is not. Nobody has any idea what it's like to be another person.

Things are rarely as they appear, beautiful houses can hide awful secrets. We don't know why people behave as they do.

I mean, i dealt with 30 something man who was a mess mess mess, messity messy mess cause his girlfriend broke up with him. And at the same time part of our group is a teenage girl, who seen several of her friends killed, dealt with shot wound injury... and she hardly ever mentioned it.

Maybe she has become desensitized to violence. Thats not good, or maybe shes just not a talker.
The 30 year old man in mess mess mess still hurts.

And I actually have a plot of apolyptic novel in my head - where a terrorist group decides to start a civil war in western country, after they are tired of whining about trivial things on social media and all around. They want to start a havoc, so people appreciate the little thing again.

Um. Not very HATE FREE then?

Marmaduke... no, I just have my dark side, which I am trying to tame. And thinking of plots of books doesn't make you evil. People who write books about murders or vampire novels... aren't evil or bad people.

And noticing how shallow have we become and how much we insist on being unhappy doesn't make me hateful.

Hatefree means mostly that I don't want to drown Syrians and kill gays. Doesn't mean I will waste my energy on every first world problem haver that comes into my path. I get ranting, I get having a rough patch. But let's not pretend all problems are equal. Because they just aren't.

Thinking about others who are in a worse situation is supposed to help put things into perspective, and make you more appreciative of the good that you do have. It's a form of positive thinking. It's not supposed to negate what you're going through, it's meant to put it into perspective. Guess what, just because those people who are starving can't visit this forum and ask for help, doesn't make them or what they're going through any less real. They deserve empathy just as much as anyone else, perhaps even more.