[BrandonB1415]

I honestly never thought I would get to this point. I mean I've been depressed and s**t for the longest but yeah recently suicide has been on my mind. Of course people say "get help" but I already tried that and there is only so much they can do. I mean I take pills and see a counselor but it isn't enough. My whole f*****g life especially now though I felt so f*****g different from people. Everyone gets pissed so easily. They have these morals that don't logically make sense and never use logic, just emotion and your not allowed to disagree with anyone. I can never make friends beyond school. I spend all of my time alone in my room listening to music and s**t. My dad and step parents are impossible to communicate with as my stepmom is just a b***h and my dad just kisses her *** and only gives a f**k about me when she isn't around. When it comes to making friends and s**t I feel like there is something everyone else knows that I am missing and I can't figure it out. I have basically given up. I mean it sucks too because in school I sometimes have a really fun time with friends but I just don''t know what the f**k to do to make the relationships meaningful and go beyond school. My mom is the only one I consistently talk to who has any sympathy or empathy for my problems. My dad and stepmom just do the tough love thing and make me feel guilty for going through this s**t that I have no idea how to fix. I just want it to be over I can't do it anymore. I just want people I can say are my friends and chill with and have actual relationships in my life and not be alone all the time. Please no f*****g self righteous ******** in the thread I don't need it.

[(JD)]

Why do you have to "do" anything? Well, yes you do need to change your point of view... and that might take some time but with focus, you can do it!

but I already tried that and there is only so much they can do.

Wow, how many years were you in therapy, and what "home" work did you do to support it?

Ok, I'm not being mean and I sound like it eh?

Right now is not the right time to be making any decisions... one because you are depressed, another because it's that time of the year when "everyone" is "supposed" to be happy---and it just isn't so! More lies depression tells you.

So.. what to do? Quit being alone. Quit feeding your depression with sad music. I know the routine, been there done that... depression makes those things "comfortable".

You see how much better you feel when you are around others... THAT is the normal... and You DO GET THERE... so consider that the depressed times is the not normal time for you, it's the odd time and NOT THE REAL TIME that you live for... (rather than think you are a depressed person that has a few good moments...see?)

Focus upon stuff you like that makes you feel better...think about the good stuff. Your brain has no opinion of it's own and only tells the body how to feel from what thoughts you give it. If you give it negative thoughts, it makes them real and you feel bad. Give it good thoughts and it makes them real and you feel better.

You won't always feel this way. You have a good desire to make good relationships... and you can do that... things take time.... and especially in therapy. You didn't become this way overnight and you won't heal from it overnight...but out into the future you can imagine a good, enjoyable way of life with friends... really. It will probably happen for you sooner..but it will.

Brandon, this is a good place to get support and understanding but you need to give us more to work with. You can tell us a little more about your self, your interests... and about some of these illogical morals you think are being forced on you?
The parent situation... not sure anyone can help there. Most of us go through something like this in adolescence. We don't get to pick our parents Very few people have great parents but it sounds like your situation is tough. You can try to make it better by talking with them calmly and rationally but the ultimate goal is to make it until you are independent.
BTW, none of those kids know anything you don't know. And the secret to having good friends is being a good friend.

I so understand what you wrote about friends, and I'm way older than you - isolation is awful, that's when your thoughts crowd in on you.

It can get better, it took a long time for me - but I am in a place where I can genuinely say I have friends now, and I have to pinch myself sometimes. Hold on there, look after yourself and believe this can get better. It can.

You mentioned that you took pills, what and what for?

I myself had this empty hopeless frustrated feeling forever that I tried to fill with drugs and alcohol forever until I found the right meds to fill it in.

I wish that you can find your peace...please don't give up just yet.