Using real (first) names

A lot of posts respond using the person's real name, because it's been already shared in a pm I assume.
There doesn't seem to be any complaints that I'm aware of, but...
If the poster doesn't give their name in their profile, why should a post-responder take the liberty of using it in public?
Or is this just a non-issue?

Good question. I wonder how others feel about it. I really don't give out my irl name and I'm not sure I'd want it in a post though a PM is fine. But I don't think I'd get really angry either. Just kind of a preference with me. I like being known by my screen name.

Gtr...I do this...sign off with my real first name...
I do it because I want to relate to the person to whom I'm giving feedback. Is this a mistake in your opinion?
Patty

But it's Ok it the person uses their first name in a post.. right? I mean no offense... I'm just checking...

It is personal choice. IF someone uses another's real name in a post or chat and it is not out there for all, then a mod or admin will edit it out of the post once the complaint is lodged. Usually it happens by mistake. Rarely is it malicious, imo.

TC.

No, no...what I'm referring to is not what you do, Patty (!)....your name is already in your signature.
I'm referring to someone who does not use their name either in their profile or in their signature, but their friends go ahead and say something like "I know how you feel Jane" or something to that effect, when they are in fact revealing that person's name.
No big deal, but I was curious.

I don't give my name in my profile, but I usually sign my posts with it. Doesn't really matter to me one way or the other.

you guys can call me hey

"hey" joe joe joe

LOL, Hey...You give me many chuckles!
Patty

I don't think it's a problem if someone wants to use their own real name. I just think they should ask before using someone else's who has not previously disclosed that information. Just in case ... I don't think anyone would do it maliciously. It's really not malicious at all. Just a courtesy/privacy thing.

I know I don't mind if people use my real name - it is in my signature and all - in any posts (Christina!)

I know of a few of my friends that I know their real name, but they'd rather I didn't tell everyone what it is - so when I respond to a post, I use their username. There are other people who don't mind me responding to posts using their real name. For some other people, I'm just really bad with names so I'll tend to use their username in posts, until my brain allows me to memorize another persons name.

Good question.

It's been an issue with me a couple of times. Well, not me, but those that I talk with and know their real names...use them in PM, etc.

I've made the mistake a few times now, and have had to be reminded of it. It's not a conscious thing, but has happened.

I guess that a person should probably not use their real name anywhere if the *never* want it seen ever, because like above, mistakes can happen, ya know? However, when we're talking on more intimate levels, we tend to share more because we want to give more...so it's really tough.

I've never known anyone to deliberately "take the liberty" and do that knowingly, but I've been party to it happening without any intent in regards to taking liberty, but simply forgetting (or focus in other areas) the current surroundings.

I now try only to use the username in public response to prevent mistake, but it can be a tough one when going back and forth alot in posting, PM'ing, etc...

I think the best thing to do is quickly PM and say, "Oops, I don't share that 'out there'."

KD

I understand what you are saying here Gtrplayer..... I only give my real name to people that have become my online friend here (or) to a person I am helping via PM.

I make it a habit of not using real names in posts—unless it is in the member’s signature. For one, I think it has the possibility of making newcomers feel “out of the loop” or not part of the “in crowd.” I know I have occasionally felt that way. And, to play it safe, I don’t want to make the mistake of using a person’s real name when they would prefer to stay anonymous in the forums. I would be fine being called by my first name…but, I try to keep in mind the newcomers and it confuses me when sometimes people use real names and screen names.

i DON`T give me real name here...
and on aanother board too there is a member we chat on myspace and then we go on the board he uses my USER name there.

i use my real name in pm if i know the person well, but i do make it perfectly clear to everyone that my real first name is not to be used in the forums.

in regards to me using a persons name that learned threw pm?

its quite simple for me, i always respond using the onscreen name displayed, namely because i, like canders, also have trouble remembering real names

the reason we sign our names, is being DID, it makes it easier for folks to know who is talking

For me personally, I don't feel I have anything to hide from anyone. I feel that it's a good way for me to give a more personal touch to folks and I like being able to offer that to others.

I certainly respect others decisions to remain anonymous. That is the great thing about PC....we can do what we feel we need to be safe.

Hugsssss
Jean

yes notthe, the DID is a big part of my kind of thinking also, you know what winds me up? people who change there screen name, not that they have changed it, i understand there are many differing reasons for doing this, again that bit dont bother me, confuse me maybe,
when someone changes there name they leave the same monika/ siggy at the bottom of the page that the old name had,
i mean come on, i'm DID and i still know who most of you are, multiple name change and all, if you are running from someone/something and they keep finding you? then change your siggy when you change your name, 1 less connection if nothing else

It seems silly to disclose your real name - in case your username was somehow linked to your username somewhere else - etc.

The internet is smaller than people think

My name is pegasus.

i never use my real name online.
i've disclosed it to maybe...
three people who i've met online.
i disclosed it to those people on the understanding that they never disclose it to others.
i insist that they continue to refer to me as 'alex' so that mistakes will not be made.

it isn't about my having something to hide in the sense that i'm not authentic in my online interactions
it is about my protecting my privacy about such things as:
- my psychiatric history
- my past dx's
- my most intimate thoughts and feelings and desires
while i might well share such intimate details with very close friends i do not share such intimate details with co-workers and employers and such. i don't think it is about hiding things so much as certain things being inappropriate for them to know. i don't tell them the colour of my underwear i don't tell them about my early relationship with my mother i don't tell them about my attachment to my therapist i don't tell them about my fears of abandonment. i do talk about that stuff online, however. under the name of alexandra_k. people who know me well call me alex, i guess. i know one person (who i met online) who i have subsequently met IRL. he still calls me alex and i much prefer that. less liklihood of error.

In response to the original question:

I think it's pretty clear it's a personal choice whether ppl choose to give their real name in chat, pm, and the forum.

I would not do so for my own reasons unless I really got close with someone, which I've only given it maybe 2x. I don't see a reason to for myself, but that's a choice I've made.

If someone was to only use their name in pm I think it's safe to say not to use it while in the post and if you are unsure ... ask them and respect that answer, which I'm sure everyone would.

I wouldn't use someone's name unless they have responded in the postings using it in response to me. If they put it out in the public I'm guessing they are ok with it, but I'd still ask that person first what name can I call them...be it in chat or in public forum.

I think it's all up to the person and their choice. If they decided to use it ...then I'm ok with that...it's a decision they made and there is nothing wrong with that.

~E