Hearing our own names

Hi folks,

I've noticed recently that my wife uses my name a lot. She will say my name at the front of her sentences - it feels so good.

Noticing this reminds me of the times (childhood and youth) when I didn't hear my name spoken. My parents would speak to me but not use my name. They used my brother's name but not mine.

I hadn't realised how deeply this had got to me, but in later years I always had a feeling of being cut when someone didn't use my name. It is especially bad if there are three of us, and a person uses the other person's name and not mine. This is one of my secret hurts. I realise that the pain comes from the early rejection, and the pattern of sibling rivalry I guess.

I'd like to know how other people feel about this stuff, and also I'd like to say that using another person's name is a gift which we can give or withhold. I try to use names whenever I can, as I feel it is respecting the other person. There are still times when people don't use my name, it's rare these days, but it still hits my weak spot every time!

Cheers, M

I ofen use ppl's anems when i talk to them. whether i need to or not.

I like this post Myzen! This is something I've thought about too. Unfortunately -- despite my great appreciation for being called by name -- I have a hard time doing it myself. I feel like my brain works too slowly, it takes me a few seconds to register what the person's name is. So while people will say to me "hi, Jessie," all I can get out is "hi".

Any ideas for how to do this better?

Jessie

A lot of people haven't paid enough attention to the power of names. Getting somebody's name correctly for instance. Years ago, when I tried to keep an office job in a big city, the white people called the brown peoples distortions of their names as a power trip. Bahari became Bacardi. Abu became Abdul. It was soooo offensive to watch.

When I would then (in my confused state as the newbie) go to the person and ask them, "What IS your name anyway?" they would practically cry because I gave a damn. (I'm white.) The lessons learned way back then are still fresh in my heart. I can still see the pain in their eyes...... Names are important. PS, my sister STILL can't call me my whole name after a lifetime of begging her for that one more little syllable........

Myzen, I just love your posts. They are always thought provoking.

In my case, my husband usually calls me a a shortened version of my name, a nick-name or a term of endearment. When he does use my full name I tend to go icy cold and wonder what I have done wrong.

Now on the other hand, a stranger calling me "lovey", "sweetie" and especially "lady" totally grates my carrot!

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
hillbunnyb said:
A lot of people haven't paid enough attention to the power of names. Getting somebody's name correctly for instance. Years ago, when I tried to keep an office job in a big city, the white people called the brown peoples distortions of their names as a power trip. Bahari became Bacardi. Abu became Abdul. It was soooo offensive to watch.

When I would then (in my confused state as the newbie) go to the person and ask them, "What IS your name anyway?" they would practically cry because I gave a damn. (I'm white.) The lessons learned way back then are still fresh in my heart. I can still see the pain in their eyes...... Names are important. PS, my sister STILL can't call me my whole name after a lifetime of begging her for that one more little syllable........

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Hi Hillbunny,

You got it, that's what I was talking about.

I heard about a small child who thought that his name was 'Stop it!" because that's all he heard his Mum say to him.

Yuch.

Cheers,

Myzen

Oh my, that is just so sad!

I rarely get to hear my real name. It's quite a shocker when I do hear it, though. Like my bf never says my name...if he does then it's by accident. He's forever calling me Sweetpea...even to people that don't even know me! He just introduces me as "his Sweetpea" which is really irritating. I wish he'd say the pet names less and less and the real one more and more. It's almost like I'm online where my name is Lexi and not Rachel. Yes, my real name is Rachel, even though I hate it because it's a Christian name and I am far from being that! Anyways, it's less personal to hear the other names.

I don't go by my "real" name, I go by a shortened version of it. I have an aunt though that refuses to call me Jan. She calls me by my other name. I have asked her several times to please call me Jan but she says that she can't remember too. UMMMMMM if my 81 year old Grandma can remember to I think she could if she tried. It bothers me that she doesn't respect me enough to try to call me Jan. The only time I get called by my legal name is if I'm in the hospital and I haven't told them yet to call me Jan or if I'm in trouble. Rex calls me Jan or dear, honey or sweetie. I agree with Sabrina that I don't like strangers calling me sweetie or something like that but it happens a lot to me because I live in the south.

Jbug

I hope that I'm not hi-jacking a thread. . .but Lexicon, I was just curious, I read one of your posts and I thought you had written, "Thank God . . ." Do you still reference him? No religious rivalry intended, just curious.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Lexicon78 said: It's almost like I'm online where my name is Lexi and not Rachel. Yes, my real name is Rachel, even though I hate it because it's a Christian name and I am far from being that! Anyways, it's less personal to hear the other names.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Hi Lexi,

That's a good point about 'less personal'. I have really liked having a screen name here at PC. It felt like having a fresh start in life. When people say something nice about Myzen, I think "Oh, that's me" LOL

Good thoughts, M

((((myzen)))) once again you are spot on! Yes, it was taught in grad school about the sweetest word you can say to someone is their name. (Of course we're assuming they like their name, and that you aren't yelling at them lol)

I think I was the result of too many children in a family? My mom always ran through everyone elses' name before she got to me/mine rofl. I learned to answer to most anything when there was confusion

Sky, I am the youngest of 5. I have 3 sisters and a brother. My mother routinely runs through all the girls' names when she's talking to me, until she lands on mine. She's done this most of my life.

Now she's 77 and in assisted living. The day she runs through everybody's name and calls me Jeff, I'm having her committed.

Candy

Now THAT'S a good indicator!!!