Sensing how others perceive you

Do you ever sense exactly how another person is perceiving you, and it's a side to you that you don't like, or is not really you, but you can't seem to change what they are perceiving?

Yes. It can be their issue, like maybe you remind them of someone else who they didn't like for some other reason. Or they dislike something about you that you never thought you were at all.

Sometimes I have known people that I so much wanted to be close to, but the wrong things just come out of my mouth, and we just don't click. I don't know why that happens.

Do you need to change what they think? How fast do you need to change it?

I unfortunately felt this way for much of my life. I recognize now however that much of it was my making assumptions about them. I was constantly concerned about being accepted. Not bending over backwards to show acceptance or gratitude in any encounter was equated to them not approving of me. I would then go over a mental checklist of all that they could possibly be thinking until I arrived at that which to me was most likely that they were thinking.

It is a lot easier now

Absolutely, yes.

I get exactly how you feel. When that look you get from people... I know. I have chosen my few friends wisely... Have been severely burned by judge mental b's shall we say. I have sort of put a thicker skin on.. I know easier said than done... But you can't let other people's opinions of you shape how you see you.

My senses are mine and wholly about me. To know how another perceives me, I have to ask them and then compare their answer with what I sense and discuss it with them. Otherwise, it's wholly my thinking and feelings, in my own head with no feedback to correct any distortions. I can choose to go with that but there's the possibility that I will have it wrong or miss a key bit of information (they scowled when looking at me because they like my nose and hate their own :-) and miss out on developing a relationship or at least feeling better about myself, feeling it's not "Me" but the other person with the problem and having confirmation of a sort.

Others perceive me as calm and quiet. That's because I am in a depressive state and keep my thoughts inward. I was even told by a fireman in the same behavioral health hospital that I was in last year that he admired my serenity. I appeared to him to be so calming. Little did he know the panic I was experiencing internally.

I had a situation recently where I excelled. I was in my element while those around me were out of it - and they were doing miserably as a result. I did my thing and did it very well while the others floundered. All the while I was aware they were probably thinking I was flaunting my ability and knowledge - and were irritated or even pissed as a result. Is it my fault I am skilled at this and they are not? Is it my fault they were forced to swallow their pride and ask me for help. I swear, I wasn't thinking ill of or belittling them. I was just doing my thing and well. Still, despite even helping as offered and asked I felt the silent sarcasm and jealousy. I felt their eyes upon me thinking, "Who the hell do I think I am?".

I've been told that I come across as an intimidating and reserved lady. I think it has to do with my quiet and serious nature. I'm not much of a small talker especially when I meet someone for the first time. I tend to listen and observe. People seem to be put off by this.

I no longer care what people think of me.

Over the years I've put together impressions from friends, and other people's reactions to me and assumptions about me in order to make a guess about how others see me.

I think I come across as cold, arrogant, strong, authoritative, opinionated, and judgmental. I just added that last one a few weeks ago due to an incident at work, and the assumptions that were made despite the fact that I was not present during the incident.

I think carefully about what I want to say, why I want to say it, and how it might be perceived versus how I intend it.

Having said that, I'm extremely blunt because I see politeness beyond 'sir' and 'ma'am' as a form of lying and manipulation.

I think that bluntness is why people perceive me as being far, far more judgmental than I really am.

Yes I have and tried for many years to ignore it and go about my business. It seems to be the best way to handle a potentially explosive situation.