[wittlebee]

I don't know what to do. My husband is going through these horrific mood swings. One minute he is crying, the next he is yelling and saying he wants to die. At times he even says he gets so angry with me that he gets scared that he might hurt me. He tells me that I don't listen to him and don't understand what he is feeling. I have tried but I just don't understand why. He hasn't worked in 4 months. He was off for a knee surgery and went back to work, only to lose his job. It is like he has given up on life. We are seperated, but he stops by every day wanting to come back. But he has too many issues, and needs help. Without him working, money is tight. How do I know if he is just saying things to get me to let him back, or if he is serious about his threats. Sorry to be rambling.

[(JD)]

welcome wittlebee. Well, of course he is saying those things to get you to come back.

You need to set guidelines before going back, if ever. He needs to get on meds, and into therapy. If he does that, he will begin to change, and at that time you might consider a closer relationship.

You have the forethought to become separated, don't undo what sounds like was a decision you live better with.

Take care of yourself. Tough love requires others to act in their best interest before you continue investing in the relationship.

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>

[wittlebee]

Thank you SkyBdark,
What would be some warning signs that he might be serious. Is there anything I can do to help ease his pain. I talked to one psychologist today and I don't know if I can afford to get my husband mental or medical help. We have 4 kids and it scares me to here him make threats on his or my life. He feels like he has lost everthing. Family, jobs, self-esteem, etc.

[Starbuck]

I agree all the way with Sky on this

take care wittle

Sincerely,

Starbuck

Born in 1963 of French mom and Canadian dad.

[(JD)]

wittlebee, there's so much information - and help - available about just what you are going through, I couldn't but begin to tell you.

I am curious as to why you are allowing him to NOT be separated from you, when you wish to be. SEPARATION means that. Sounds like you might be seeing and hearing him more than when he was working!

Also, separation means you have SEPARATE money. Your bills are yours, his are his (and the children's are both of yours, though.)

Ok here goes my "looters" speech: Looters are those people who do nothing but take and take and take, and then make YOU feel guilty for not giving more.

If he threatens you again, call the police immediately. If he threatens his own life again, call the police immediately. Either it will call his bluff, or will bring in the people who can help.

If you find that being separated is not working like it should, then file for divorce. He needs to realize that HE needs to get HIS life in order BY HIMSELF. As long as you are there for him to lean upon, and blame or whatever, he will not refocus his life. (And, you may find out he is only using you as an excuse, and will NEVER take charge of his life, even with divorce.)

You have to make decisions that will make your, and your children's life the best it can be. Make long term plans, it's not going to be quick or easy.

(The only way I would believe he is changed, that he quits begging, seeks help, seeks rehab and/or gets a job and owns up to his responsibilities AND DOES THIS FOR A LONG TIME. This is no quick fix.)

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>

[dexter]

wittlebee

Sky put my thoughts into words perfectly. I'll just ditto her advice.

What would be some warning signs that he might be serious.

The remarks, behavior, and threats that he has already made are the warning signs. Whether he is "serious" or just bluffing, or mentally unstable, there is definitely a problem there that needs to be addressed, that HE needs to address, and that you need to protect yourself from.

Even threats that he has no intention of going through with are just as serious an indicator that this is an unhealthy relationship for you to be in.

Good luck with this. You can rely on the people here for support and understanding through this.

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--http://www.idexter.com