[SunshineGold03]

I have these incredibly HORRIBLE neighbors who live behind me. They are compossed mainly of older teenagers. These teenagers throw bottles at abandoned houses in our vicinity, scream obsecenitites at each other, write grafitti on neighboring buildings, etc. you get the picture I think. Anyway we have to drive by their house in order to get to our house. Well sometimes when we drive by their house they purposelly stand in the road to be jerks, swear at us, or even throw a plastic bottle at my car. So needless to say I am completely sick of their ******! Well anyway, today I was already having a horrible day when I was driving home one of the teenagers parked his car in the middle of the road and I was trying to squeeze by and he huffed at me and throw his hands up at me and said "what the hell" so I said well next time my your ****** car. Then before I knew two girls aged 17 to 18 jumped out of the car and started having words with me when one of them ran up to my car and punched me in the side of the neck. I drove away called the polica and told these jerk neighbors I was calling them. When the police got there the girls were saying that I spit on them. WHich I ABSOLUTELY did not. So the cop said the only way they would arrest them would be to arrest me to because they were claiming assault by means of spit! So needless to say they didn't get arrested and I went upstairs hysterical and called my psych. who told me to increase my klonopin. OH WHAT A DAY!

Jenn

I'm so sorry for your day and while this isn't the real thing, please accept this as the best that I can offer.
(((((SUNSHINE)))))
Best wishes, and good luck to you.
Jon

[SunshineGold03]

Jon,
I really need a hug right about now so I appreciate it really I do!

Jenn

[heatherm]

(((((((((((Jenn)))))))))))

Oh gosh....I am so sorry . Don't they have parents that the police could talk to? This is terrible that you have to live like this.


Heather

[SunshineGold03]

Hey Heather,
Honestly the parents are as bad as they are. The mother was yelling at me from her window. And I overheard the day saying at least its not me in trouble this time. I am at my wits end with this!

Jenn

[SunshineGold03]

Any suggestions as to how I should have handled this differently?

Jenn

[(JD)]

Wow! I am sooooo sorry this happened. I used to find myself in the same type situations... which trigger my PTSD.... and I couldn't even verify what I had said or done because I had flashed back or zoned out...and that is very frustrating!

You are, at least, at the point of realizing what happened, and looking for a way to handle it better NEXT TIME. Good for you!!
<font color=purple>
There will be a next time. Plan NOW what you think you should do:
try to remain calm.
don't lower yourself to their level (you don't like their level, remember?)
do you have a camera you can carry with you, to take a picture, say, of their illegally parked car?
what do the other neighbors think of these neighbors? if there is more than one person complaining, then the police will be able to find the true problem

I'm sure there are more ideas, and maybe these will help you think of how best you should handle it.

Yeah, and take more meds so you can deal with it better next time.

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>

[SunshineGold03]

The police are more than well aware of these punks they deal with them almost daily. These little bastards write grafitti on abandon buildings next to them saying "Lincoln Police Suck". They are a bunch of low life scum bags. The police told me they would be step up their patrols in that area even more. Well see. I wrote the Attorney General, Congressman, and Mayor about the deterioration of this neighborhood with abandoned buildings and the high crime. Will see if I even get a response. I was so upset today I had to take triple my dose of klonopin because not only did that incident upset but then my family was blaming me for everything so I grabbed a huge knife to cut my arms (not suicidial) and my husband ran into the kitchen and grabbed the knife I didn't even see him coming. I am praying for better days!

Jenn

[dexter]

Hi Sunshine, what an AWFUL position to be in for anyone, let alone someone with other stressors in there lives. And right near your home too.

I agree with others here, have a plan, and don't stoop to their level. Find a balance between avoiding conflict and letting it all slide past, and finding something constructive to do about it without stressing yourself. I'm thinking that if you just ignore them your going to have just a lot of built up stress.

Getting together with the neighbors is a great idea. Keep track of everything that happens with them. Maybe even talk with them just to blow off a little steam once in a while.

Did they write a police report when they came? I think you should definitely get a copy of it and keep it on hand. Insist on a police report anytime they are called in. Tell the neighbors to do the same. If anything ever leads to court, having copies of the police report from all the incidents will be great evidence. If there are tons of incidents with them from a lot of people it will show it is not just a grudge between you and them, and claims by them that others always started it will seem shallow. Things like a photo of the car blocking the road will be great too. If you had that I'd say keep it with the police report, all with dates.

I'm really kind of surprised the police said they'd have to take you both down. Do you have a lawyer you can ask advice? I don't want you to do stuff that is going to cause you more stress, so don't even think about this if it is stressful. But I don't think, even if you did spit at them, that that gives them license to lay a hand on you. I think that if it went to court that would be an assault charge on them. Someone else here may know more about it.

If they ever do anything like that again I'd also see a doctor afterward if there was any possibility of damage. Don't go frivolously but if there is a bruise or anything, have a doc look at it. Then make them pay the doctor bill. Let them know there are consequences. I believe you would win a case for doctor bills as long as you didn't hit them. I don't think there would be any legal excuse out of that no matter how much they claim you provoked it, other then them proving that you hit them first or made some advance that they could claim they had to defend themselves. They can't defend themselves from being spit on by punching you, it's not equivalent. If they went to court and claimed you hit them first, then you pull out the police report where they say that you spit on them, no mention of you hitting them, and then they are BURNED!

Now remember I'm getting my legal advice from Judge Judy and People's Court but they seem pretty consistant on this. If it ever came down to that be sure to talk to a lawyer first. One of the first lessons I remember from the old People's Court (remember Judge Wapner?) was that although you aren't allowed to have a lawyer represent you in small claims court, that doesn't mean that you can't talk to a lawyer first, and in fact you always should to be sure your case is valid and find out what you need. Always bring as much physical evidence as you can so it doesn't become your word against theirs. Bring any witnesses you can, they ususally won't accept hearsay or even a signed statement, they want the witness there to question them so they can decide who is telling the truth. Too many people go to court thinking they'll get a judgement because their neighbor's agree with them, not realizing that all the judge can do is apply the law.

Most important though is that the goal is to give you the most stress free resolution to this. If venting and letting it slide is going to be the best for your overall welfare, then that's what you should do. Let your neighbors take care of it, or at least offer support, rather than stress yourself out. I still think if you all get together and collect evidence, photographs, statements, police reports, you'll eventually have the upper hand. Maybe even journal about all the events... if it comes down to who is telling the truth having everything documented from your own point of view won't prove that you aren't lying, but it will allow you to have dates and exact descriptions instead of relying on memory.

Best of luck with this.

Probably what you need most right now is not a bunch of legalese but this just appauls me. Anyway hope this helps: {{{{{{{{Sunshine}}}}}}}}

Try not to overstress about it.

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--http://www.idexter.com

[bptoo]

Jenn,

The first thing that came to mind was something that Dave mentioned about getting together with some of your neighbors about this. You can't be the only ones in your area that are upset about what's going on? You know the old saying about there is power in numbers. Well, if there are enough neighbors who have had enough of the kids's behavior, you should be able to do something about it. You could put pressure on the police to respond, go and talk to the kids as a large group, any number of things. I am afraid that if something doesn't get done soon, someone there is going to get hurt very seriously. And if this is pushing you to the point where you want to self injure, then it's gone way too far as it is, IMHO.

I hope you figure out the best thing to do, and please let us know how this works out, OK?

((((((((((Jenn))))))))))
Greg



"Beauty is truth, truth is beauty - that is all you know on earth, and all you need to know"

[SunshineGold03]

Hey Dexter,
Thank you alot for your sound advice. I asked the chief of police for a copy of the report he is suppose to get back to me today. I am thinking of civil lititgation although my husband is totally against that so will see. And not that you are doubting this but I never once spit on that ***** (sorry). We exchanged words and she rushed my car and held off and punch me on the side of my neck. The cop even commented that he could see the red mark. But because her and her teenage friends said I spit on her, which to me and the cops believed she either spit on her self or dropped some water her shirt as she had time to do so before they showed up, the cops said spit is assault and if they had to take her for punching me then they would have to take me for spitting (which again never happened). I was completely outraged that they threatened to arrest me that I COMPLETELY lost it I was hysterical I couldn't breathe or talk and when they asked for my license I couldn't even open my wallet they had to get my wallet and license for me. SOME JUSTICE HUH??!!

Jenn

[SunshineGold03]

Hello Greg,
Must of the neighbors I have or either the jerks behind me or the nice ones across the street. But the ones across the street are far enough away from these punks were they don't hear their swears, or blarring music, or them breaking bottles. Unfortunately, for us we live so close that they generally harass us. It really sucks! We are saving money to move to Virginia Beach but it is going to take some time.

Jenn

[Beautiful_Pain]

{{Sunshine}}

So sorry to hear about this...especially as it's near your personal, and probably one of you safest-feeling places

You've gotten what looks like good advice, just thought I would post and offer a bit of support



<font color=purple>Pain can indeed be a beautiful thing</font color=purple>

[SunshineGold03]

Thank sooooooo much beautiful I can use all the support I can get right now! Thanks Again!

Jenn

[dexter]

Even if the nice neighbors across the street are far enough to be bothered, can they occassionaly see or hear what is going on?

It wouldn't be a bad idea to talk to them and get their help, just if they see or hear anything to keep note of it... see if they will be a witness if ever needed.

Make sure they only comment about things they have actually seen or heard. i.e. you going to them afterward and telling about the incident won't do you much good for them to repeat that in court... but if they actually saw all or part of the incident they could testify that you didn't spit or that they were beligerent or whatever they saw.

If there is a calm moment maybe you can talk to the police (assuming they are understanding about it) and ask about the deal with taking you in for spitting. What would happen, what would likely be the outcome, etc. If they lie that easily and quickly it is likely that they would lie again to the police and their story would quickly become inconsistant and they would lose credibility.

I think that almost definitely you wouldn't want the stress of going down to the police station even if you knew for certain that you would be cleared and they would be punished... but it might be good to know what the options are, it will always be your choice how much to get involved, and understanding those options may give you some extra peace of mind even if you never explore them.

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--http://www.idexter.com

[SunshineGold03]

Hey Dex,
I appreciate alll of your wonderful suggestions. What I decided to do is to try and start up a neighborhood watch program. Also, I emailed every administrator in my hometown, from the town planner to attorney general and the local media. So hopefully something good will come from one of these avenues. Again I truly appreciate your thoughtful suggestions. By the way the police are very responsive to this situation they hate those teenage punks more than I do.....they even told me that! They want to get them with a vengenance so that is good for me. They said they are going to step up patrols in my area.

Jenn

[dexter]

Excellent!

A neighborhood watch is such a great idea, not only for this... it should provide better security for the neighborhood overall, not just with regard to these punks, and that means better peace of mind for everyone in the neighborhood.

I think it also promotes a "good vibe" in the community, it will be nice to know the neighbors more. Maybe even (although I wouldn't hold my breath) the "punks" will respond to the program and become more community oriented as well. Afterall a watch would be for their benefit as well, watching for burglars or other things.

Excellent idea, should have very positive results! It's also a way to feel you are taking charge of the situation without having to go it alone or do something personally stressful on your own to get some results.

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--http://www.idexter.com

[alm15]

Hi Sunshine! I'm really impressed with all the positive actions you're taking! Good for you! Neighborhood watch was what I was thinking too. It sounds like a really good idea! The only other suggestions I would add would be to roll up your windows and lock your doors when you go by their house. If you have a cell phone and they come at you when you're in your car again, call the police from inside your car. If they park in the road, beep once quickly. If they don't move, call the police and tell them that the road is impassable and you need help. The other thought is to keep a log of their behavior and when you can, photograph it, especially if it is something you need to call the police for. Since the police are all for getting these guys too, maybe ask them what you can do to help that is safe. I'm so very sorry you have to deal with this kind of rediculous behavior. It sure is spurring you on to be proactive, which is awesome! I hope they didn't hurt you too badly and your neck is healing. Most importantly, be safe! Annie

[SunshineGold03]

Annie,
Thank you so much! The outpouring of support from you all has been more than wonderful. I decided that when I drive by their houses that I will always have my cell phone and my pepper spray in my car. My neck is fine she barely hit it really although initially it was a little red. My problem now is fighting my own demons. I can be extremely hot headed and to be honest although I trying to be proactive about the whole thing I am simultaneously fighting the urge to do something to piss them off for instance I looked up all their phone numbers online and I want to crank them all. I want to pour sugar in their gas tanks,things like that. Please don't think badly of me for saying that I am just saying I want to I haven't but I want to REALLY badly! UGH!

Jenn

[dexter]

I had a very very bad experience with the first home I tried to buy, the homeowners screwed me and I lost quite a bit of money... not to mention the house I had been planning to move in to.

Every day I thought seriously about going out in the middle of the night and setting that house on fire. It was of course something I would never do but there was just so much incredible anger built up in me.

I did know that eventually the anger would pass, it did, and I found a new home much better and even less expensive than that one. I didn't beat myself up about those horrible "urges" I had because I knew they were just built up anger and that acting on anything would just make everything 100 times worse.

Especially given the proactive actions you have begun, I know that you know the whole point is to collect evidence on them and to keep yourself as "clean" as possible so they never have anything to throw back at you. You know if there came a time to take them to court or have them arrested, how could you do so guiltlessly if you were also partaking in harrassment against them, no matter how seemingly justified.

But as long as you know these are just "fantasies" I personally don't think there is anything wrong with imagining such things as a form of venting steam. If these ideas start to overpower you then I'd maybe seek some help or advice just for your own welfare, you don't want these ideas to be something bothering you for a long time. But in the short run I think thinking of revenge is natural.

The MOST important thing is that you weren't hurt, even though it is appauling and frightening that they made contact with you. That was way way over the line on their part, but the emotional stress they put you through you can and are working through.

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--http://www.idexter.com

[Starbuck]

I deeply abide with your pain, Sunshine.

For me, it was not with a gang. Let me tell you a story...

About 2 years ago, i went to my corner store, one night late in the evening.

The customer in front of me was quite rude with the lady clerk. So I told him to cool down.

When i paid my potatoe chips or whatever, and got outside, this guy had a club (like the police use) and struck me but once. I escaped the other hits.

Now as for your case, well, maybe you might have to explain the police all the details, so they might intervine better. I can't understand you being threatened by some young punks so easyly.

Take care and seek some help

Sincerely

Éric

Born in 1963 of French mom and Canadian dad.

[alm15]

Hi Jenn!
No! I don't feel bad about you at all for what you're thinking. I too have a bit of a temper and I would be having some serious fantasies too. They're messing with your serenity without cause and invading your space and tranquility of your home. That kind of stuff really irritates me. One thing I've done in the past is to write down all the hateful things I wanted to say and do. That really helped me. But I wouldn't keep it. I'd just throw it away or burn it. The other thing that has really helped, which is always a challenge for me when I'm in that space, is to pray for the person or people everyday for 2 weeks. If you're not religeous just concentrate on sending them good energy. I know it sounds like a bit much, but it usually helps. And remember thoughts are just thoughts. As long as you don't act on it. all is well! Take care! Annie

[SunshineGold03]

Thanks Annie and everyone else for the positive and thoughtful suggestions! I really appreciate it!

Jenn