[blah__x]

*******WARNING******
SOME, ESPECIALLY SURVIVORS OF VIOLENCE ETC MAY FIND THIS POSTING DISTURBING AND TRIGGERING


ok where do i start?

sadism without the sexual perversion.

in other words finding great enjoyment in seeing others suffer etc.

yes its sick.

i dont know why. i knew it was wrong. id be horribly ashamed, and laughing at the same time.

SICK

im not like that now. i know some who read this will probably avoid me forever now. but im not like that anymore. i dont even know why i was like that then..

BUT, im still very insensitive. in a split moment i can turn off all emotion, almost on command, and not give a %#@&#! about anything or anyone around me. i can be very insensitive. horrible at times.

but at least now i value life. and i see value in other things. maybe not myself but i do care about others and i do know how to cry.

i thought my violent intrusive thoughts and dreams might be connected to this..i suggested before it was to do with OCD because i didnt want to post this. that i am evil and disgusting.

i was originally going to post details, but i dont want this post removed..

i just want help.

i understand if you want to avoid me for eternity now. its better at least that you now know what kind of freak you're dealing with.

*JUST PLEASE NOTE THAT I HAVE NEVER BEEN INVOLVED IN ANY FORM OF SEXUAL ABUSE ETC. MY "DISTURBING-NESS" WAS ALWAYS LIMITED TO VIOLENCE*

[gostryter]

((((((((((((((gabriel))))))))))))))))))

i'm sorry your suffering. are you talking to a therapist about these feelings? i don't know much about this type behavor, but i know you're not a freak - you're just like the rest of us...trying to cope w/ what life has handed us

[blah__x]

well if its taken me a few months to tell people who dont know me and can never know me or see my face or know my real name or where i live etc etc, i dont know how i'd tell anyone to the face..

but no im not seeing anyone atm.

Truthfuly gabriel, It don't bother me that you where and are somewhat that way. As long as you know how to control yourself is all that really matters and don't let it control you. What type of horrible things are you speaking of? Your not that specific. I think that we all have a little bit of evil inside us but we have to be the ones that knows what to much and not to act out on them feelings. Did you toreture animal or anything else? Because that i hurd is something killers do when there young. I just wanna know are you really better or did you just learn how to not asked out on things??. If you feel uncomfortably talking about this thats ok. You can always PM me if you want ok. I hope them feeling go away over time and you heal inside.

((((((((((((((((((((((((GABRIEL)))))))))))))))))))))))

Gabriel you are one of the best people I've met on PC,..you aree a caring loving young women despite these horrible feelings your mind is producing,...I don't know much what to say that could help...you are a great friend of mine...so great that I am worried and pray for you.....keep posting..message me like you have been....you mean so much to me and PC!!!

Dustin

[MyBestKids2]

((((((gabriel))))))))

It takes a strong person to be able to say what you said. I think you are wonderful!

Dee

[blah__x]

well no i was never into animal cruelty, thank god. but i have gone on.."rapages" at school before. hurt a few people, but nothing major there. mostly its the insensitivity-just be able to seriously hurt someone with no emotion.. it scared me a bit i guess. maybe alot, because i know that serial killers start off small. but i could never let it get to that. i havnt done anything like that for a long time but i still get violent dreams etc.

thanks to those who did reply, but i dont think that my behaviour is really deserving of praise..