[SeptemberMorn]

while reading and semi trying to catch up with my reading. I've noticed quite a few responses from some of the older members here saying "PM me if you need to talk."

1. Isn't that what we're doing while posting?
2. If we all just PMed others about our problems, how would anyone get to know us or possibly get answers for their problems by reading the board?
3. If something positive comes out of "talking by PM" how would anyone else know about it except the two people involved?
4. Is this true support; just one point of view?

Just a thought...

[lenjan]

I dunno. I'm closer to some people than others. Some people understand my particular issues better than others. I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing -- I look at it as "extra" help. I'm happy to let anyone who thinks they have something to contribute do so, but every now and then I need somebody I already have a long-established relationship with to bounce something off of.

[SeptemberMorn]

Yeah, I understand. But you're "a long standing member," too. Some of the issues you and I have discussed, I wouldn't discuss on the board, either. It's the "long standing members" that post this to newbies. Something about it doesn't set right with me. Sounds "exclusionary"??

[lenjan]

Again, I dunno. Maybe some newbies are afraid to come out and say anything in public, but would be able to connect with someone via PM?

I see your point, though.

This is a good post.

Pm is another way of communicating between each other for different reasons I guess.

One reason would be to keep the communication or subjet private.

Another would be so that not the whole world can't read it. (www)

Trust for sure is one reason.

Scare to share in a large group would be another reason.

Rejection.

Be judge.

Not understood.

Safer with one on one.

But then there is the other side of the story. By not sharing on main board, we will never learn to communicate in large group. Also, we will get less oportunities to have different views on a subjet. Never learn to deal with our issues(in a large group) such as trust, rejection, have a voice, say our oppinions, belong and so on.

The most important thing is that there should always be respect for each other in pm or main board.

btw For myself, I rarely pm and I don't post much either. So maybe my point of view doesn't count.

" It's the "long standing members" that post this to newbies. Something about it doesn't set right with me. Sounds "exclusionary"?? "

Sorry I didn't quite reply to your post. I think I was a little bit off here. Sorry!

[SeptemberMorn]

You're not "off." You just stated your own opinion, which is fine!

My thoughts about this and other support message boards have always been that of "support group." If we don't enter the group, then we're limiting ourselves and others to what support there is, especially on a board as large as this.

If we get several different points of view, then we can pick and choose the one that suits our situation best. I feel that if a newer person is told "PM me" and they do that, then that person isn't getting all the benefits that could be theirs.

Let's face it. This is a Mental Health site. We're bound to get advice that might not be the best... or even worse, get manipulated or sucked in by some if we're just PMing. On the board, that wouldn't tend to happen as much.

This is just ME: I mean, if all the people that post in the sexual forum are so free and easy with the subject lines, what can be worse?? I can't imagine anything more private and possibly humiliating than THAT!! I wouldn't even begin to THINK of posting even my most beautiful experiences with my husband! It's too precious and too private for me. But then again, like I said, this is just ME.

[DePressMe]

I mainly do it to the new members who might not feel comfortable posting yet. I also do it if I really relate to somebody and I think it might help them to talk in a more private setting. Some of my support comes from the forums here and some of it comes from PMs. I guess I see both as good and both fulfilling somewhat different needs. I don’t see it as exclusionary, but I can see how some might feel that way. Want to PM me and talk about it?…Just Joking!!!!

This is a good thread. I do admit, when I was a newbie, other people were talking about PMs but I never got any for the longest time. I felt a little left out. Of course, I figured out--you got to send PMs if you want to get them.

I always saw it as a way of extending the offer "if you're not comfortable posting yet and need someone to talk to, someone cares" kinda thing.

[Christina86]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Petunia said:
I always saw it as a way of extending the offer "if you're not comfortable posting yet and need someone to talk to, someone cares" kinda thing.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Same... I know I'm not one of the older members here, but I've been here for a while. When I extend the offer to talk, it's because the person is already my friend, or I feel I can help someone new but don't want to ambush them with information. So if they want to chat or want help, they're given the oppurtunity.

[Gracey]

SeptemberMorn, if you need someone to talk to, you could PM me anytime.

::: smile :::

to me (being an ancient old timer) ANY form of communication is bliss!! whether it's in PM or in a public forum...it's great stuff. It's what makes PC worth visiting!!!!

Emmy

[Bethsway]

Just want you to know time0 I always listen to you when you post...I don't post much either but I do care for so many people on here.!!

[tranquility]

Hi there,

I think I wrote it a couple of times. Sometimes if someone is going through something new and sensitive they post about it but not the details. I may PM them at that time and tell them that if they feel they need to "purge" the details in a private setting to PM me. Sometimes people just need to get it out privately first and then they are more comfortable to discuss in the general setting.

I'm not an old timer but I don't take offense or think it's exclusionary. I just think they are trying to be welcoming and friendly and give another option in case the person is scared. Sometimes it might also just be habit!

Tranquility

[Gracey]

When I first came to PC, an "old timer" offered to PM with me. As I talked with her over the weeks, eventually I became courageous enough to try posting here and there. And got good responses. It's kind of like going to a new school and being assigned a buddy. She watched out when I posted, made sure she posted an affirming post for me, and tried to head off some of the folks around here who are snotty and try to pick apart everything you say.

I don't think PM's are exclusionary. . .I consider them (with new folks) a form of guidance, protectiveness, and MENTORING.

[SeptemberMorn]

Ye'r funny! I just might have to PM you with something!

[SeptemberMorn]

I see both sides of the issue. Well, actually, it turned out that the scale isn't quite balanced, is it? That's okay. I guess if I'm interested enough in finding out more about a certain issue, I'll have to do some PMing myself. I just thought it would be more helpful if an issue is discussed on the board. Example: I didn't know all of the story about a special someone here and quite often felt left out. Maybe she posted the whole story, maybe she didn't, but I PMed her and got the whole thing wrapped up in a beautiful nutshell. Now I don't feel left out.

Whatever... it was just a recurring thought I've had so I put it out there.

[SeptemberMorn]

I get it now! Just had to do a little bit more reading! That's even funnier, NOW! Thanks for all the laughs! I needed them!

Wow! Thank you so much ((((((Bethsway)))))))))

This is so sweet of you! You have touched my heart.

Much love!

[Gracey]

You ok SM?

[SeptemberMorn]

Perfectly! hehehehe

[Fuzzybear]

[SeptemberMorn]

...

[WinterRose]

This is an interesting thread. I hadn't given the matter much thought. I have to admit - it is nice to PM and see that pop-up saying there is something in your mailbox. Helps with the Charlie Brown syndrom. lol. I always imagined when someone told a newbie that they could PM, that it was instructive and offering another avenue they may not have known about. I also usually think that the person offering has some experience or knowledge similar to the person they're making the offer to - that maybe they felt they related and wanted to offer a hand of friendship.