[Impala]

If someone said (a friend) ,that they would "be there" for you-that you had hurt them very badly by something you had done but they believed that was due to you being ill, but that they still cared enough to be there for you-how would you feel? Would you feel comfortable ,or if someone says they are going to "be there" for someone,can that only be the case if they've got over the hurt so should that not be mentioned? Would you think they must be "desperate" for your friendship to still want to be friends after being hurt so badly and so view it warily?
(Just to be clear-I'm the "hurt" one thinking of saying this).

[ECHOES]

How are you feeling about it? That's what's important.

It sounds like there might be more to talk about and work through with this friend to get to a place that's comfortable for you to cointinue.

I have been there. The other person didn't blame me, but rather stated thay my behavior toward her was not acceptable to her. She was defining her own boundaries. That was hard to accept because I felt a little misinterpretted, but she has every right to feel how she feels and to set her own boundaries. We moved on and I felt cautious for a while. It was a good learning experience for me that someone could feel hurt by me but not turn their back on me and abandon me as I would expect and and as I am familiar with. Part of the difficulty I had with it was that I had to deal with the temporary discomfort of the unfamiliaritly of the relationship getting back up, buliding back up.. after falling down.

But it only matters what you think and feel as this is your situation.

To accept this and move forward cautiously might be a really good experience for you.

What do you think?

[MyBestKids2]

I have a small network of friends and I treasure each and every one. We all have our ups and dows, thats a part of being a good friend. Its up to you, but she maybe worth the effort, imo!

Take gentle care,
Dee

[Impala]

Just to explain (I don't think I made it very clear!),I am the "hurt" one thinking of saying this to my friend.Of course the first hurdle is whether she evn wants to bother trying as she's the one who broke off the contact and she hasn't taken any step to contact me since.

[MyBestKids2]

Oh sorry...thats a different take then.....it depends on really how important your friendship is whether or not you take the first step. Will you benefit or be hurt again?

Sending kind gentle thoughts!!

Dee

[Perna]

I don't think, if they broke it off, that I'd talk about their having hurt me or their behavior at all; presumably they broke it off because there was something with me that they had trouble with (not that it was my "fault" or my "problem"; their reasons for their actions are their own and not mine). But I wouldn't pay much attention to any hurt that had come my way if I wanted to restart the relationship, other than wondering why I wanted this relationship if it had hurt me. I think my talking about their behavior at all wouldn't help or be appropriate since I can't know what's up with them unless they tell me. But if I truly wanted to start again, I'd start fresh and just call and ask them how they are and see what happens from there.

[selfy]

think about how it will affect you, do u think she will hurt you again? if u do, is it really worth it? how much do you want to keep her friendship? if she is really worth the effort (which it sounds like she is) keep up teying to keep contact, but be aware that she may hurt you again.
take care
self

[ECHOES]

Impala, it sounds like you and your friend have more to talk about. First you'll have to see if your friend wants to get together to talk. I have ended friendships because of embarrassment and shame and not knowing what to do. Perhaps she is in a place like that and doesn't know what to do and it seems as if no contact is the only option.

Talking with her about what happened and about how you each feel about it (no right or wrong here, just feelings) and where you each want this to go is the place to start.

Desparate for her friendship? I think it shows you value this person and you're willing to work on the friendship because she and it are important to you.

[Rhapsody]

Some times Friendship comes with Great Understanding and Acceptance when one is ill.... do YOU or HER have this for the other person? - if yes, then you both can go on with out feeling desperate.

[bellaviolet]

impala, all my life i have always been the one to try to make things right after an argument or disagreement, even if i was hurt or felt i was in the right..... so if it was me i'd probably try real hard to make things right.... but that's not necessarily the right thing to do. i think you need to weigh things out..... is this person's friendship worth the hurt? can you trust her? maybe i'm not the best one to be answering this but i think you need to make sure you take care of yourself first and foremost...... if she hurt you and has not made any attempt to contact you i'm not sure she's a real friend worthy of your effort...... sorry if this is the wrong thing to say its just my opinion......

i might feel happy / pleased that i had such a good friend who was willing to stick by me through hard times...

i might feel guilty / bad that i had done something to hurt such a good friend.

i might run the risk of feeling so very guilty about having wronged them that i'd repress that and instead feel angry at them for letting me walk over them (or similar).

hard to say really...

[Cheri]

It seems that most people are leaning toward giving this person more chances and making excuses for her behavior. Perhaps that's because many of us can identify with her behavior, or with the behavior of other mentally ill people.

No one seems to have suggested this person may, additionally, have a personality disorder that allows her to use and discard other people without guilt. I had such a friend once, and finally had to end the relationship because of the continued pain it caused me (identifying with the other side of the relationship). It doesn't look like she's going to change--at least anytime soon.

No one deserves to be treated as you have, Impala. You'd probably be a very good friend to have. Your efforts might be better served if invested in people who are less self-centered than the friend you're discussing.

[Impala]

Oh dear,all these are good replies