I thought I died last night

I don't know where to put this, I hope is this okay.

Super long story short, I am off psych meds, anxiety ramping up, sleep is hard to come by but I don't feel tired, even if I only get three hours(it might be my testosterone rising helping energy levels, the reason I am off meds), I slept a ton on psych meds but I have 3 decades of insomnia, plus a seizure disorder.

I think I drifted off around 3AM last night, maybe I didn't. It is sometimes hard to tell if I am asleep. I had a feeling that I was dead but trapped in my body, it wasn't sleep paralysis unless it is something new. Then bam! Strong seizure aura(rare when I am asleep even though images of dreams trigger it).

Is my psychosis, anxiety and seizure disorder working in concert to mess with me? Has anyone experienced anything similar?

Edit: One bad thing about being off psych meds, seizure auras are becoming much more common. Probably due to anxiety. 2 in the past 5 days when 2 in a month was a bad month.

It may be none of my business, but why have you gone off your meds? Have you done it gradually under medical supervision, like you're supposed to do? If you've done it suddenly, aka cold turkey, then it might have something to do with your experience.

Yes, they knew. They do not approve, but I am stubborn so they had no real choice. Yes, I tapered down. Been off completely for a month. I only took 5 days to get off Geodon because it was causing serious issues with massively low testosterone and triple the levels of a male with prolactin. My old pdoc told me dangerous hormone replacement therapy was better than getting off meds, my primary doc disagreed. I was off the Geodon in early September and spent about 3 months tapering off Remeron and Klonopin.

I got off because I was tired all the time, slept too much, didn't work very well and lots of side effects. 21 years of many, many meds and nothing has worked so what is the point?

Things are different, some ways better, some worse but overall I am doing about the same as I was on meds, but at least am more energetic. Even with whatever last night was, I feel I am better off. At least for now...

You are quite right, psych meds need a gradual taper.

I've been there a few times but it isn't common for me. In fact, the last time I thought I had "died" was soon after my first surgery back in 2014. It was a terrifying experience that I chalked up to being exhausted. Looking back, I know now that I was dealing with psychotic features along with extreme anxiety. Mix those with lack of sleep and they'll intensify. The lack of sleep can't be good for both your seizure disorder or your psyche. That's something that should be dealt with right away.

Hi,
It is not easy to get off edication but worth the effort! You were at the "change of life" life stage- the maleeqalent of the menopause. I think you're doing well.
Regarding your sleep and dreams; ometimes it is difficult to tell whether one is awke or asleep. It is quite normal especially during coming off medication.
The "seisure" you experienced during your sleep was probably a dream. The subconscious often uses past experiences as waking elements during sleep.
You should not worry about your dreams. Take the bad nights as something normal; we all have them now and then.

Seizures are worrisome as they can leave you with permanent damage. Sometimes they are indicative of other more severe problems. I would talk to your doctors about the best course of managing seizures for yourself.

Nope, it was an aura. They are unmistakable and not like anything else. Not like a bad dream, not like sleep paralysis, not like anything. It is also not "seizure" as I have epilepsy.

You are right, as always. I might need to call my primary doc and ask for something to sleep. I took Unisom with doxylamine succinate(the other type gives me restless legs) at 11 and I am not tired at all 4 hours later.

I will contact my primary doc and see what I can do. I really don't want to go back on Remeron as sleeping 12 hours sucks and it has some dopamine antagonism which is what got me in trouble to begin with. Ambien is out of the question. My daughter took it once, and she went really crazy. Trying to coax her into the ER she flipped me onto the pavement and she is a skinny thing. There is no way I would risk it with my daughter and grand daughter living with me.

Do you know of anything that works but doesn't cause craziness like Ambien?

I might have to go back on a real anti-seizure med, I have been off them for 10 years. I do take a very small dosage of gabapentin for non-diabetic nerve pain, it supposedly has anti seizure and anxiety properties but I haven't noticed any improvement with either.

There is no known cause for my seizures, which is good I have been told by multiple neurologists. I have had multiple MRI's, CAT scans and EEG's over the past two decades. Always nada. I was even twitching like crazy according the the examiner during my last EEG and it still showed nothing.

I am lucky, the auras give me plenty of warning so I can get them shut down. It is a bit like pregnancy contractions, they start slow and not too bad and get more intense and quicker in frequency until I get them over and over and then I have a grand mal. My last grand mal was in 1995. I spent 8 days in the hospital, 4 of them in the ICU because my heart stops during them and it takes a few days to get a normal rhythm back. Plus, I separated my shoulder and tore my rotator cuff and that shoulder still gives me problems. So I definitely avoid them.

I am going to send my doctor a message right now about it.

Damn. That is some craziness, you definitely don't want to do that. I've been on Seroquel, Trazedone and Amitryptaline. I hate all three of them. Seroquel is an AP and considering your desire to stay away from meds for the sake of your health, I'm not going to recommend it. The other two are technically antidepressants but prescribed at low doses for sleep. Trazedone works good, actually. I'd recommend a low dose of it for you to start 25mg, something like that. The reason I got off of it was because it creates very vivid dreams and considering I deal with a lot of nightmares and flashbacks in my sleep, it's just not a good idea for me. The other one, I couldn't give you a really detailed analysis because I had been on an antidepressant cocktail and couldn't tell which drug was doing what. Then there's always more natural methods. Grain and cherry juice contain a lot of natural melatonin which helps. Going on walks throughout the day and wearing yourself out (that one doesn't work well for me, though). Reading myself to sleep can be the best because it occupies my mind away from the torment it's imposing and suffering from, and will eventually make me tired.

I take Melatonin. It's a natural sleep inducer.

Before I got back on psych meds I would take melatonin and valarian root and it worked really well. Now, it does nothing at all.

It seems like I put myself in a bad place with no easy way out.

I'd recommend marijuana if you didn't already suffer from episodes of psychosis. I'm sorry you're going through this. Your doctor should have more suggestions than I could offer.

I just sent her a whiny message. Hopefully she will respond today. I asked for OTC solutions, I really don't want more prescription meds but at this point I would try almost anything short-term to see if I can get my brain used to sleep again.

If I can't sleep at all tonight, I might drag myself to the VA's urgent care in the morning.

Quitting Klonopin will make it easier for seizures to happen. All benzos have some anti seizure properties.

That is true, but long term use is not a good thing. I might have to get back on a real anti-seizure med.

I got a message from my primary doc, she kicked my insomnia back over to my pdoc which is what I didn't want. I contacted her to avoid the stress of rejecting psych meds.

Of course my pdoc didn't get a hold of me so I might just go into urgent care tomorrow if I get little sleep again tonight.