[kittylover_ayrie]

All my life my parents have done drugs. Thats the main reason I grew up in foster care all my life. Its always the same patterns with them. First my uncle comes into the picture. He the one who convinces them to do drugs. Then they start to do them, little by little and then they stop paying rent, they stop feeding themselves, bills are shut off, they lock themselves in the room for hours, they get into fights, the fighting becomes worse, my mom leaves, my dad gets worse, then my mom gets worse, they get back together and they are just worse togehter, and finally they go stay with relatives who dont allow my uncle around and they get better for months, then they get enough money to move out and then My uncle comes around. This is a pattern that I have come to recognize, I know when they do drugs because they act more friendlier. Today I went over and I saw my uncles crackheaded gf there, and I just knew that they went to ruin my parents again. I asked my mom where my dad was and she said he went to the store to get food, funny thing is my dad drove up with y uncle in not the direction of the store but in the opposite way and they had no food with them or nothing. I hate this I hate feeling so bad for something I can never change but it hurts alot becasue they are my parents and it just brings out all the emotions like they never learned thier lesson or they dont care to. I mean they destroyed our lives with what they did and they still cant see it, what the hell is wrong with them to make them do these things and why out of all my sisters and brother do I care the most, why cant i stop caring about it... or get over it for that reason!

[okiedokie]

Hi Ayrie,
I wanted to let you know that I read your post and also to welcome you to PC.

I am SO sorry your parents can't get it together for you! Your situation sounds absolutely horrible. I can tell you that they most probably do love you--just have such strong addictions they can't show it! Addiction is a very selfish and self-absorbed illness.

Your post really touched me. I wish I could reach through the computer and give you a huge hug!!

Hang in there, honey.

Okie

[pachyderm]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
okiedokie said:
Hi Ayrie,

Your post really touched me. I wish I could reach through the computer and give you a huge hug!!
Okie

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Me too.

[Pita]

Ayrie, I am so sorry you have such problem parents - it is not at all fair. Unfortunately, I know you worry about them but they have to make the choice to change. I think the only thing you can do is to take good care of yourself and live your life. Take care.

[tranquility]

So glad you are here and posting!

I am a member of Alcoholics Anonymous and I sponsored a 16 year old girl whose parents were divorced, she lived with dad who with a temper and alcohol problem was the lesser of two evils. Mom is a crack head and her brother who was the only stable close person in her life (18 months older) committed suicide 1 year before I met her.

She still tries to reach out to her mom. She has become the parent and her mother is the child. It is because it is her only mom and she is chasing that image of what she wants in a mom only to find over and over again that it's not there. I can relate to that part - thinking your mom has changed and you will FINALLY have the mom you want, only to have her revert back to her "normal" self to remind you that it aint gonna happen.

Drug and alcohol addiction is cunning and baffling. There are no "right" answers. My good friend at work buried her 48 year old sister last Tuesday. She dried out several times and was told if she drank one more time she would die. She proceeded to drink a gallon of vodka every day for three weeks. Her liver was so inflammed and enlarged that it encompassed her kidneys. After being on life support for several days she died leaving a 17 year old son and 15 year old daughter. Active alcoholics and drug addicts do not know any better and many times can't help themselves.

Why can't you get over it? It's your parents and your only parents. You love them, you can't figure out why they are doing this to you because shouldn't they love you enough? They do, they just can't help it. But YOU are not the problem and never were. YOU need to take care of yourself and let their God take care of them.

I have been to AlAnon myself which is for people who live, deal, or otherwise care about an alcoholic or drud addict. They can help you come to terms with some of your feelings.

If you have any questions on it and want to ask here or PM me please do.

You DO NOT have to live in this pain - there is help and hope.

Big comforting hugs to you -
Tranquility

[MyBestKids2]

Ayrie,

I am so very sorry for what you are being forced to go through. Its horrible when the people who are supposed to nurture, love, and care about us do such terrible things. I have no advice but wanted you to know I care, and to feel free to PM me anytime if you just need a ear.

((((Ayrie))))


Dee

[January]

((((((((( Ayrie ))))))))

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know you love your parents. It's a natural thing, but you need to remember that this is your time to bloom and to be happy if you can. They have made their choices, and you must make yours. Grab every moment of happiness you can.

I'm glad you found us. You'll find a lot of very kind and helpful members here.

Hugs,

Jan

[kittylover_ayrie]

Thank you for all your kind words. I will get over this feeling eventually, I learned how to deal with it somewhat, except something new happened this time, I kept having nightmares all night long. They were of my husband doing drugs and i would wake up screaming for him. He stood up all night just for me because I wasnt sleeping to well. I think the problem is that this is the actual first time in my life that Im not around them when they are doing the drugs, and it scares me to think that if they have always been somewhat safe when I was there, what happens when I go on with my own life. Do they get even worse. They have both been to prison for drug use and that happened when I was in foster care, since Im not there could something worse happen. Last night was horriv=ble for me, I'm just thankful that my husband is so caring, and he really cares about me.