Pitfalls of perfectionsism

Today's topic in my CBT Journal to give thought to is about pinpointing those pitfalls of perfectionism; that being perfect doesn't in fact lead to a perfect life. I am guilty of disappointing myself continuously by failing to be perfect. This journal prompt really stood me up to take notice.

Perfectionism sabotages our minds. Yes, strive for excellence but don't fall into the trap of constantly trying harder to be an even better perfectionist at the cost of inflexible standards hindering your world.

Again, this really hit home. My own impossibly high standards for myself - and others too - has come at cost to relationships, work, even my appearance and hobbies.

Thoughts?

I'm still trying to get over perfectionism in myself. I want things to be so right. I'm not happy with "just good enough." It's a work in progress.

Unfortunately, we are led to strive for perfection. We are led to think we are only truly valued if we get that 100 on a test or maintain all A's. So, in that we are slowly introduced to "stress" and worrying about making the grade or maintaining it.

This has been an issue for me.

Have you read up on self-compassion? I feel this is the antidote to perfectionism in oneself and others.

http://self-compassion.org/the-three...-compassion-2/

thank you. You are correct about having a lack of compassion for one's self. Some years back, when things were going rather well, I had given myself the permission to make mistakes. It was the best gift I ever gave myself. So hard it is to allow myself that same freedom now. What changed? I suppose it was a crash from mania that did that. Depression obviously was accompanied by a nose dive of self-worth. I suppose, looking at it now this way, that this is one of the blockages I have to being stable. Yes, I would be happy again if I could allow myself to be imperfect.

But gosh, it sure is a compulsion.

Is your art a release?

I used to enjoy art but I was very 'precise' in my style - my teacher used to encourage me to be more 'free-flowing' but I never could. Always so precise, 'perfectionist' - it was my style and a reflection of my thoughts.

Oh to be a free flowing carefree artist!

I agree with you guys, always aiming to achieve perfection in all aspects of your life is tiring.

Trying to obtain perfection is exhausting.

It truly is.

Well.....there are Blessings in the brain damaged....I gave up expectations for perfection...long ago.....there is not a moments thought of that...in address to me....

I have weight/food issues - and I have reached the "perfect" weight many times.

There isn't a perfect weight, it always got lower. Every time. I learned that perfection doesn't exist for me. I always raised the bar. Accepting that helped me a lot.

Interesting topic, thanks.

Exactly!

I've always suffered from perfectionism, which ironically has thrown me in the opposite direction of being better. For example, when I read a book, sometimes I don't understand a paragraph or a section or a chapter. What I would do usually is to stop reading it altogether, because I would think if I didn't understand the whole book 100% (which I've almost never achieved), then it would be useless to read it

I definitely try too hard. It really tie me up. It involves my relationships and everything. A fast trip to misery.

Oh to be a content artist.

While art is a positive exercise in creativity, it does nothing to release the anxieties or perfectionism associated with it. I'm just hours away from two paintings being shown in public and am terrified because they are imperfect.

But it will be received in the eyes of those who behold it - they are very unlikely to see the imperfections you perceive.

I understand your anxiety but I hope you can relax a little and enjoy the experience - you worked hard for this.

Thank you everyone. I have enjoyed your comments and welcomed your encouragement.

What factors in your own lives are dictated by your own perfectionism? I have numerous but the one that comes most to mind is employment. I can't hold down a job. I keep leaving them on account I am so worried that I will be discovered to be imperfect and let go before I quit.

(My art went over okay. Not fantastically but at least I never found myself disappointed. Whew!)

I believe that having high but realistic standards for ourselves, clear expectations of others, and a sense of personal ambition, can potentially be a good thing. This becomes unhealthy perfectionism when we get insecure about whether or not our efforts are good enough to get something we want (usually from other people - have you noticed that?) and start worrying and pushing ourselves too hard due to those fears. I am beginning to see perfectionism as a form of social performance anxiety.

I love an old story about the "Zen archer", who used archery as a form of meditation. He managed to feel at one with the bow, the arrow, the target. Hit a perfect bullseye every time he was in "the zone". One day he was invited to enter a contest. The second he started contemplating how much his fellow monks were counting on him, how important it had become to win the brass trophy ... he suddenly couldn't hit the broadside of a barn!