[kuro92]

Hey guys, so I really need some help. My friend is acting very strange. I'm starting to thing she has a larger mental disorder than depression like she's been telling me. I'm thinking it might be schizophrenia or just extreme paranoia. She's been refusing to take her medication unless something really bad happens that warrants her to have to take it. I don't know how to talk to her about it since she won't tell me what it is that's going on. Anyways to save time, I made bullet points of how she suddenly started to change over the past 3 years of our friendship.

-Began picking on my appearance nonstop. (Hair, skin breaking out, clothing, my relationship -- boyfriend doesn't make enough money)

-Would call me nonstop about her boyfriend harassing her. Vent to me which was fine. Ask for my advice then get extremely mad at me a couple days later/ignore me completely for weeks if I advised maybe he wasn't the one for her or to talk to him about his behavior. Or hang out with me and the second they make up bail on me last minute or ask me to leave.

-When my dad fell ill(my dad had a severe second heart attack/organ failureHe was hospitalized for almost a year and doctors didn't even think he would make it past the first night. My mom passed away shortly before we were friends) she came and started going on about her boyfriend and basically ignored my situation. Started criticizing my boyfriend for his past/not making enough money

-Continued to call me nonstop while I was in the hospital to vent about her relationship despite my situation. Began saying some strange things such as how she used to be in witness protection plan in China and now airplanes fly above her house to watch her.

-found out she's been on and off her medication because her boyfriend doesn't believe in medication/won't be with her if she takes it.

-got into a huge fight out of no where with me once my dad finally came home basically telling me she can't be my friend because I have bad health/am 'too thin' and she doesn't know what to tell people when they ask her why I'm so thin. Also told me I'm weak and don't know how to get through obstacles. Told me my boyfriend was the worst choice again because of not making much money(I told her countless times how I don't care about money. How it's the way he treats me that's the most important to me) At the end of the conversation, basically went back to complaining about her boyfriend

-Unfriended/blocked me on Facebook as well as sent me a message telling me how I was an awful friend because I didn't ask about her in a week and a half and telling me how I'm never there for her. Tried to explain to her how I'm stressed out and busy taking care of my sick dad > went back to crying about boyfriend and begging me to come over to help her

-Boyfriend broke up with her for good. Weird phone calls started. Telling me that people are out to get her and that because of her family people want to hurt her. How she can't trust anyone. No longer on medication/seeing therapist

-Went back to university. Started claiming classmate wants to kill her because he would ask her questions about class work. Had a nervous breakdown and called police on him. Police told her to just return to class and try to calm down.

-Ended up in hospital for mentally ill/suicide watch. Visited her everyday and she blamed being in the hospital on me claiming I was not there despite calling her and asking about her everyday prior being in the hospital. Her mom visited her only once for 20 minutes. Would not tell me why she ended up there.

-couple weeks later, ends up in hospital for car accident. Her mom calls me while I'm at work asking me to go pick her up and return her home. Won't say where she is/doesn't bother to visit her daughter. Also tells me I need to continue being there for her daughter and that she's been acting strange. (The mom barely speaks English so I didn't get very far with her). Went to pick her up and nurse pulls me to the side to tell me she needs to stay on her medicine because she's been off it. Again no one is telling me what she has or what's going on. I talked to my friend and she refuses to tell me anything. Just told me the woman who hit her car was out to get her and wanted to kill her.

-Texts me to tell me out of no where people are out to get me and want to hurt me at my job. How we both own buildings and that's why people want to hurt us and how being her friend puts me in danger.

-Now the newest one is after screaming at me several times after hanging out the past several weekends for absolutely nothing(she's off her medication again and extremely short tempered) she called me last night to tell me her new roommate in her mom's house wants to kill her and is creepy because she asks her questions about the house or eats in the kitchen. When I ask her did she do anything to make her feel in danger, she can't answer me. All she says is that she's creepy nonstop. She even called the police on her telling them the same thing.

I really don't know what to do anymore. I don't even know how to answer because she's been so short tempered that I'm worried she'll just snap at me if I bring up that maybe it's best she start taking her medications. She expects me to drop everything I'm doing even if it's taking care of my sick dad to be there or else I'm to blame/an awful friend. Her mom is not there at all for her. She's rarely home. She's always out with guys. I feel like she's dumping her daughter on me and it's a situation that I feel like her mom would be much better suited to speak to her about. What do I do?? I'm struggling as it is with my own life. I feel selfish in a way, but I'm getting frustrated with her since this is becoming a weekly thing where I'm expected to drop everything I'm doing to help her. She's even asked me on my boyfriends birthday to go hang out with her despite telling her in the morning it was his birthday.

[MickeyCheeky]

Does she see a therapist? She probably needs one, and probably a diagnosis as well.. and yeah, she also needs to take his meds probably. So the only way you can help her is telling her this. Also, I'm not sure this friendship is giving you any benefits.. if she doesn't listen to your advice, I'd start moving away from her, honestly, beacause I don't think she's doing you any good..

Hugs

[kuro92]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

Does she see a therapist? She probably needs one, and probably a diagnosis as well.. and yeah, she also needs to take his meds probably. So the only way you can help her is telling her this. Also, I'm not sure this friendship is giving you any benefits.. if she doesn't listen to your advice, I'd start moving away from her, honestly, beacause I don't think she's doing you any good..

Hugs

Her therapist kind of gave her some tough love and she basically started complaining to me that she's rude and she no longer wanted to see her. To be honest, I sometimes feel like maybe it's best to distance myself and start ignoring her because I'm so stressed out with taking care of my dad and she's not understanding at all. I feel bad though and would probably hate myself if something happened to her since her moms not taking care of her. I don't really know what to do.

[-jimi-]

I also have a friend of sorts, since 3 years. She also "changed" on me... before I realized she had a history of doing the exact same thing with other people in the past, and that she really did not change. She just appeared more healthy at the beginning and the closer we got the more of her problems she unleashed onto me. It was a lot of ups and downs during those years.

So I wonder if this could be the case of your friend, or if she is very obviously declining in health steadily.

I wish I knew what to do with friends like that. I don't want to be yet one more that leaves her but also she basically just used me. She could unleash 50 text messages while I was obviously busy then getting mad/sad that I "ignored and hated her". She asked for many favors yet never returned a single one. Also very emotionally unstable and off and on paranoid.

Once I tried for her not to text me for 2 days because as I explained I needed to be alone because we needed to put the dog down. It took 2 hours after we came home from the vet when she started the text slamming, "can I just ask this and that?" and then bam bam bam her usual issues that she told me a million times again. No respect at all.

In January she decided again I hate her because I did not engage so much in the text ramblings, and I told her just how it was, that I can't deal with anything right now, I need to be left alone for a bit. She said she never needs that so I don't. She needs company so the reason I didn't need hers was that I hated her. I told her I did not cuz I don't! But she took my quietness as hatred despite what I said and decided to cut all ties with me like blocking my phone number.

I don't think she understands other people have feelings, hers always come first. I don't think she understand that I might feel hurt by her blocking me, in her world I "started it".

I think people like these need TONS of help. They try to rely on friends and too much so, their friends becomes their helpers more than anything. I don't know how convince people they need serious help. My friend just tried her meds a few days then dumped them. The doctor was way too busy to even understand all her shortcomings that are NOT part of depression.

I don't think my friend has schizophrenia, I think she has strong anxiety with paranoia that stems from her thinking she is the center of the universe. She thinks everyone thinks of her all the time when in fact they could not care less. Also she has strong traits of autism and some kind of borderlineish behavior. What your friend has... well perhaps more than depression and it should be looked into. It gets really messy when lot of different psych symptoms are in the picture. More than a friend can handle.

[avlady]

your friend does sound like she needs meds. I know how bad I can get myself without them. maybe she needs a med change too? I used to get really bad off of meds but in the end I would end up in an ambulance from people who love me see whats going on and I am happy now the people who helped me only do it for my own good.

[kuro92]

Originally Posted by -jimi-

I also have a friend of sorts, since 3 years. She also "changed" on me... before I realized she had a history of doing the exact same thing with other people in the past, and that she really did not change. She just appeared more healthy at the beginning and the closer we got the more of her problems she unleashed onto me. It was a lot of ups and downs during those years.

So I wonder if this could be the case of your friend, or if she is very obviously declining in health steadily.

I wish I knew what to do with friends like that. I don't want to be yet one more that leaves her but also she basically just used me. She could unleash 50 text messages while I was obviously busy then getting mad/sad that I "ignored and hated her". She asked for many favors yet never returned a single one. Also very emotionally unstable and off and on paranoid.

Once I tried for her not to text me for 2 days because as I explained I needed to be alone because we needed to put the dog down. It took 2 hours after we came home from the vet when she started the text slamming, "can I just ask this and that?" and then bam bam bam her usual issues that she told me a million times again. No respect at all.

In January she decided again I hate her because I did not engage so much in the text ramblings, and I told her just how it was, that I can't deal with anything right now, I need to be left alone for a bit. She said she never needs that so I don't. She needs company so the reason I didn't need hers was that I hated her. I told her I did not cuz I don't! But she took my quietness as hatred despite what I said and decided to cut all ties with me like blocking my phone number.

I don't think she understands other people have feelings, hers always come first. I don't think she understand that I might feel hurt by her blocking me, in her world I "started it".

I think people like these need TONS of help. They try to rely on friends and too much so, their friends becomes their helpers more than anything. I don't know how convince people they need serious help. My friend just tried her meds a few days then dumped them. The doctor was way too busy to even understand all her shortcomings that are NOT part of depression.

I don't think my friend has schizophrenia, I think she has strong anxiety with paranoia that stems from her thinking she is the center of the universe. She thinks everyone thinks of her all the time when in fact they could not care less. Also she has strong traits of autism and some kind of borderlineish behavior. What your friend has... well perhaps more than depression and it should be looked into. It gets really messy when lot of different psych symptoms are in the picture. More than a friend can handle.

Wow, it sounds like we're talking about the same person. There have been times I told her I needed a bit time to myself due to stress and like your friend still text bombed me. I feel like both our friendships are very one sided. Just us mainly bending backwards to cater to their needs. Every time I hang out with her she turns the whole time to a conversation about her. If I mention anything about myself, I'm met with extremely harsh criticism so I stopped. It really sucks that both your friend and mine can't just be more considerate or at least give us some breathing room to deal with our own issues without exploding on us. What are you doing now with your friend ? Are you guys still on constant communication or have you distanced yourself ? Thank you btw for the reply <3

[-jimi-]

I saw her log onto a chat we used to go to but she left before I could say anything, she also broke it off with the rest of her friends in that room. I know her both online and IRL. I just feel I want to tell her it is really not my fault she blocked me and cut me off, I want to tell her it hurt me. I'm not sure why I want to say those things because she seems not to understand. So I have not talked to her for months.

With my friend it is also one sided, she can talk about her for hours. In a way I understand because she seems somewhat lost in the world. She does not get nasty if I talk about me but either she ignores me or tells me she has it much worse and that's that. I'm not allowed feelings. When one of my best online friends died of illness I was sad and I told her, I had known him for years and she had spoken with him once. She started crying because poor her that she can't talk to him anymore. And that was that.

Seems like a mix of not fully understanding that other people have feelings, and some I would almost say narcissism. It is hard friendships to have, but I also think those feel genuinely hurt by things that are just normal life and not meant to hurt them. I think it is important to know they probably don't often hurt people on purpose with great planning, but more because of poor communication skills and an inability to understand other people's emotions.

But I'm just guessing.

I wish the professionals would take over and then I mean maybe both meds and a true investigation what they suffer from, plus therapy or life skills training after that.

[Nammu]

You need to practice some self care.

Tell your friend that you care for her but that if she is going to yell at you or cause you stress on top of what you are dealing with you will hang up on her. She needs to know her behavior is not ok mental illness or no mental illness she needs boundaries.

[kuro92]

Originally Posted by avlady

your friend does sound like she needs meds. I know how bad I can get myself without them. maybe she needs a med change too? I used to get really bad off of meds but in the end I would end up in an ambulance from people who love me see whats going on and I am happy now the people who helped me only do it for my own good.

She's gotten her meds adjusted a couple times and she does great when she's on them. The problem is she won't stay on them. She insists that people who take medicine are weak. It's very frustrating trying to convince her otherwise.

[RainyDay107]

Originally Posted by kuro92

She's gotten her meds adjusted a couple times and she does great when she's on them. The problem is she won't stay on them. She insists that people who take medicine are weak. It's very frustrating trying to convince her otherwise.

You won't be able to convince her. Nammu has solid advice. Take care of you.

[-jimi-]

Originally Posted by kuro92

She's gotten her meds adjusted a couple times and she does great when she's on them. The problem is she won't stay on them.

She acts more rational on meds, or just less aggressive?

[kuro92]

I feel so bad for this...but I ended up blocking her today from my phone and all social media ): She's very toxic and she just makes me feel horrible about myself with her nonstop put downs. If I just take sometime to focus more on my dad/own problems and forget to check on her for a little bit, I'm met with a long text message telling me how I'm a horrible friend despite her knowing what I'm going through with my dad's health/my own personal health. I really wanted to thank you guys for making me feel like it's okay to finally worry about myself and put myself first. I'll be honest, I feel guilty for cutting her out like this, but I really needed to do this for my own health. I'm starting to reach out more to my friends who are understanding of my situation and supportive of me.

[reb569]

Originally Posted by kuro92

I feel so bad for this...but I ended up blocking her today from my phone and all social media ): She's very toxic and she just makes me feel horrible about myself with her nonstop put downs. If I just take sometime to focus more on my dad/own problems and forget to check on her for a little bit, I'm met with a long text message telling me how I'm a horrible friend despite her knowing what I'm going through with my dad's health/my own personal health. I really wanted to thank you guys for making me feel like it's okay to finally worry about myself and put myself first. I'll be honest, I feel guilty for cutting her out like this, but I really needed to do this for my own health. I'm starting to reach out more to my friends who are understanding of my situation and supportive of me.

I really think this is the best thing. Don't feel guilty, it sounds like you've been through a lot with her. Until she takes her meds on a regular basis and works with a team of mental health providers, it doesn't sound likely that she'll change. Take care of yourself and your Dad. You deserve that time.

[possum220]

Originally Posted by kuro92

I feel so bad for this...but I ended up blocking her today from my phone and all social media ): She's very toxic and she just makes me feel horrible about myself with her nonstop put downs. If I just take sometime to focus more on my dad/own problems and forget to check on her for a little bit, I'm met with a long text message telling me how I'm a horrible friend despite her knowing what I'm going through with my dad's health/my own personal health. I really wanted to thank you guys for making me feel like it's okay to finally worry about myself and put myself first. I'll be honest, I feel guilty for cutting her out like this, but I really needed to do this for my own health. I'm starting to reach out more to my friends who are understanding of my situation and supportive of me.

Sounds like she has been using you as an emotional garbage bin. Maybe putting some boundaries in place will help you both.

Time to concentrate on yourself and Dad.

Look after yourself. If this relationship is endangering your own mental health you may need to walk away from it or at least stand well back. You need to have a difficult conversation - particularly about her medication. It may ultimately have to go as "I can no longer support you if you choose to not take your medication and help yourself." Sometimes friendships require tough love.

I realise there is a language barrier with your friend's mother but you need to talk to her. The woman needs to be more responsible for her daughter and the daughter's health - like doing what she can to encourage her to take her medication and starting a line of communication with her daughter's care providers. You cannot carry the burden by yourself.

[Sunflower123]

You did the right thing. She's toxic to you right now. Don't feel guilty about taking care of you and your dad. This was a one-sided friendship. Best wishes to your and your dad.

[kuro92]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

You did the right thing. She's toxic to you right now. Don't feel guilty about taking care of you and your dad. This was a one-sided friendship. Best wishes to your and your dad.

Thank you so much