[Otherworlder92]

It never fails just when I was starting to feel better about myself. My mother just has to remind me how worthless I am and what a terrible son I've been to her. I honestly wish that I had a different mother I know that sounds terrible but I just honestly just want a mother that would say something nice to me for once instead of always putting me down. Is there anyone here that feels the same ?

[IrisBloom]

I endured a lifetime of this same thing from my dad. I learned not to internalize things he said to or about me. It still would upset me but I would recover faster knowing it was his problem and not mine. I'm way old, so I have had a lot of experience. You can learn to sort of deflect negative things in your mind. If you are old enough maybe you can move out on your own and only see her if YOU want to.

[Sunflower123]

I became a perfectionist and an overachiever trying to earn my father's love. I thought if I was good enough he wouldn't be so horrible.

I think your mother is toxic to you. If you don't live with her, limit your exposure and if you do live with her then work on getting out. Try to ignore what she says because it's not true. Best wishes.

[Otherworlder92]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I became a perfectionist and an overachiever trying to earn my father's love. I thought if I was good enough he wouldn't be so horrible.

I think your mother is toxic to you. If you don't live with her, limit your exposure and if you do live with her then work on getting out. Try to ignore what she says because it's not true. Best wishes.

I do try to limit my exposure to my mother but it's not always as easy thing to do because I'm really the only person in my family that still really talks to her and wants to be around her. I do try to ignore what she says to me but it's really hard to do because my mother always knows what to say that will hurt me the most but I'm going try harder not to let her words hurt me. Before I forget I want to thank you for the kind words.

[possum220]

Originally Posted by Otherworlder92

I do try to limit my exposure to my mother but it's not always as easy thing to do because I'm really the only person in my family that still really talks to her and wants to be around her. I do try to ignore what she says to me but it's really hard to do because my mother always knows what to say that will hurt me the most but I'm going try harder not to let her words hurt me.

The others in your family are no longer willing to tolerate her poison. You don't deserve her poison either. Seems like she can give it out but she take a home truth or two from you? She will continue the same diatribe as long as you let her.

I had put up so much garbage from my father for years until he had run off my other siblings. So one day I snapped and told him how it was from my perspective. (It was so hard......) Surprise surprise and few days later my father apologized for the first time ever.

You never know what may happen with your mum.

[Unrigged64072835]

My dad was the same way, up to before he died. It was part of the dysfunctional family drama.

If you could limit your time with your mother, and set some boundaries (saying you're not here to be put down), it may help. If she fails to do that you'll have to go no contact with her, to keep your sanity.

[Curry]

I wish my mother wanted to have me. I could never figure out how to be the child she wanted. She told me how to dress, how to behave, how to express myself but I always thought she just wanted me to be quiet and small and leave the family alone. So I roared at her and one day she looked right through me like I wasn't there. I am part of her so I don't wish her away, I wish she would have sent back some of the love I kept blasting her with. I write about her and call her a zombie Dracula hopped up on pills, I wish that if I behaved she would want me.

[NeedHaldol]

I was adopted from a biological mother of 18 years and a biological father that refused to accept I was his offspring for months before he would sign the papers.

I stayed with some nuns for a couple of months and was eventually adopted by my dad and mother. I have a sister (not biological) who is 3 years older than me that was adopted as well.

When I was 5, my adopted mother died of cancer.

A little bit later, my dad remarried into a brady bunch type of situation - brother and sister the same age (3 years older than me) and me and a sister (same age as me).

My mom never treated me like she treated her own, but the bond between my older sister and my dad and me was as strong as it could be.

My dad died 6 years ago on his birthday from a massive stroke. That took a big toll on me. I still cry about it today. (I am shaking and tearing up as I write this).

So now it was just my older sister and I against my step mom and her kids. They all live in philly and md. See each other all the time.

My older sister left as soon as she could after graduating from college to move to austin. She married out there and a had a daughter who is the cutest, self confident little girl ever. She has recently moved to Norfolk, VA which ironically enough, was where I was born.

She sends pics of her family and sometimes in the background there are people. I joke and say that they are my biological mother.

On the "dark side", my step brother (unmarried and overall creepy older man) lives right near my step sister, who is a doctor, married to a doctor and has twins and a daughter. My step mom visits them all the time.

There is a riff between my step mother and myself, but I keep in touch with her out of respect for my dad. She is still friends with people that knew my dad and mom before she died and who have known me my whole life. I feel like she is leaching off his death (big checks for 26 years in the army - ended up full bird colonel - and executive director of a union health and safety fund)

I talk to my dad's best friend a lot. (every week during football season). He was in the band at notre dame. My dad's parents brought him up on ND football and he did the same with me. Every year, my dad's best friend and I guess now one of mine, gets me 2 tickets to an ND football game near where I live.

We remind each other of my dad and that is a strong bond.

I don't even know where I am going with this, so I will stop rambling.

[Otherworlder92]

Originally Posted by possum220

The others in your family are no longer willing to tolerate her poison. You don't deserve her poison either. Seems like she can give it out but she take a home truth or two from you? She will continue the same diatribe as long as you let her.

I had put up so much garbage from my father for years until he had run off my other siblings. So one day I snapped and told him how it was from my perspective. (It was so hard......) Surprise surprise and few days later my father apologized for the first time ever.

You never know what may happen with your mum.

I will talk to my mother about how she treats me, but I doubt that she will change or apologize but I'm going to hope for the best. Worse case scenario is that I have to cut my mom out of my life.

[Curry]

I think there is no hurry Otherworlder92. It is good to talk to other people, perhaps a counselor too, maybe consider talking to your mom with a counselor as a referee for healthy expression. You are already doing the work you need to. Find some people who support you when you are feeling good about your life. My mom is an alcoholic and I never got that my biggest challenge was to open up to other people to find what I needed. Then you can get to being curious about what's going on for your mom and you can tell her what you wish for in life. This didn't work very well for me, I just kept trying to fix it by myself.

[Otherworlder92]

Originally Posted by Curry

I think there is no hurry Otherworlder92. It is good to talk to other people, perhaps a counselor too, maybe consider talking to your mom with a counselor as a referee for healthy expression. You are already doing the work you need to. Find some people who support you when you are feeling good about your life. My mom is an alcoholic and I never got that my biggest challenge was to open up to other people to find what I needed. Then you can get to being curious about what's going on for your mom and you can tell her what you wish for in life. This didn't work very well for me, I just kept trying to fix it by myself.

I think that I'm going to hold off on talking to my mom . I think that I should focus on other things that are more important in my life. I'm going to start talking to a counselor and I think that I will have a counselor when I do finally talk to her.