About Therapists

I cannot find a good therapist. They mostly listen to you and give useless generic advice. I cannot have this anymore. I need one that actually helps. I cannot keep vegetating in bed for months. Nobody does anything or just gives generic advice like "find a job". I don't know if it's just this country because I see most people on here have good therapists? How did you find a good one?

I don't know which country you're in, but I suspect the situation is the same everywhere.

In my experience, there are very few exceptional therapists. Most are generic and finding an exceptional one is, while not impossible, very difficult.

Finding a good therapist is difficult. It's kind of trial and error. Good luck finding a therapist that's a good fit. Best wishes.

I was referred to my counselor through my pdoc. He is terrific. Just thought I'd put it out there that they exist.

I'm going to sound incredibly unsympathetic here but I have to ask. What are you doing to follow the advice of your therapists? How committed are you to doing your part to heal/make improvement? The onus of the therapeutic process rests on the shoulders of the patient.

Now, if you have been following your therapists' directions and suggestions to no success, then I agree that they are failing you.

I think part of the strategies of asking you to get a job is to get you out of bed and actively doing something. Lying in bed 24/7 is going to spiral into an out of control cycle.

Have you spoken to your T & said that you don't feel that they are helping? Do you know what you want in the way of help from your T? I think you should have that discussion with your T. Good luck.

Some do not even have suggestions, incredibly. They mainly ask questions. Others do actually just have unuseful directions/suggestions or common sense ones, like "have a job" etc. which is really not useful.
I just literally do not know what to do with time and in my time. Nobody ever made me busy with anything and when alone, it is hard to keep attention on something.

I hear you..

Well its a chain reaction, and when you reject the most obvious of links, its only natural that you get nowhere in your endeavor...

T says get a job or volunteer, or get involved in a hobby... This will lead to less time in your bed, a routine of some sort, and the opportunity to meet new people and make friends.

You take the first step, realize friend making is not going so well, then you quit and end up in bed for months on end again.

A T can't make you try, a T can help facilitate your goals, its still up to you to reach them, and no matter how many Ts you see or how lonely you feel, its important to remember that nothing comes from nothing.

Have you tried interacting with your housemates again, or have you given up on befriending them?

I had to move because of unrelated reasons. And the girl did tell me I bothered her in a way.
Yes, I tried all those things but there is still an issue and I don't know what to do about these things...

It seems that you reject the ones who ask questions because they don't have suggestions.

You also reject the ones who have suggestions because they are not the right suggestions.

What exactly are you looking for from a therapist?

Help with my specific issue and how to build relationships considering that ...

Actually, many common sense suggestions are used in "behavior activation therapy". The idea is that progress occurs when clients actually do something, such as exercise, have a job, and so on.

"Behavior activation therapy" is a known and tested method of therapy. This approach recognizes that it will be difficult in many cases for clients to get started, but it asks clients to get started anyways, and it supports them along the way.

I think that good therapists (typically, psychodynamic therapists) who mainly ask questions will over time be able to help you with the relationship issue. I think that that issue derives from your upbringing, which the question-asking therapists will help you address.

Have you ever tried DBT?

I don't think therapy is what you need. I went for a lot of therapy myself. I think it's over-rated. Most if what I had to figure out, I pretty much figured out on my own.

I don't know, I certainly need help. Something is not right that I am so alone.

My therapist says that too much idle time is bad for people. She says it's important to relax but one needs to stay busy.

If I told her I do not work and lay in bed, the first thing she'd say "get a job". Now if you were a child or elderly, it would be different. When you obtain a job, then you can do other things like join gym or start hobbies etc Most people are busy at work all day and aren't available for friendship anyways.

Sometimes the best suggestions are common sense practical ones.