I have no idea what's wrong with me.

Hi everyone, sorry if this is in the wrong place.

I'm a 29 year old male, and I'm a complete train wreck (most of the time).
I've been contemplating writing this post for almost a year, but just now getting around to it, because that's how chaotic my mind seems to be. Go to the Dr to figure it out? Easier said than done. I've been to the Dr twice in the past 8 years, only to get prescribed Vyvanse last year, which I stopped taking because the Dr wanted me to get a physical, and I ended up spacing it and doing other things.

I have a habit of drinking, nothing crazy, but definitely consistent. I smoke cigarettes, and I make pretty good money. However, I'm TERRIBLE at managing it. For me, money works like this: I get paid, I go spend it, and then have to stress, grind and work until more $ comes in. I'm incredibly good at what I do, but I'm horrible to work with, because the only consistency in my life is my own inconsistency.

I really have no idea how to even explain it. It's like, in my head, I know EXACTLY what I should be doing, it's just that I rarely do those things, and my life stays in a constant state of chaos.

I don't even drive because my mind is so all over the place that I think I'd crash. I have horrible anxiety, which causes me to do things that cause more anxiety. I'm terrible at even remembering to shower sometimes, or mustering the mental strength to do basic life tasks.

I'm also compulsive. Sometimes not being honest feels as normal as anything. It's horribly frightening.

I even feel like it's difficult to focus enough to read sometimes, often glancing over things, but it never really "sinking in". I'm at a point in my life where it's all mounting up, and approaching 30, it's becoming too much to carry. It needs to be fixed, somehow.

I met my INCREDIBLE girlfriend last year, and she's been the greatest thing to ever happen to me. I want so badly to be the best version of me so I can give her everything she deserves, but I feel so completely lost. I don't use any drugs. I'm consistently awake until 3-5AM every night because my mind wanders and racing nonstop.

Just recently, I've began flirting with the idea that I may be autistic, although I really have no idea, because i don't go to the Dr. I know that if I could get past this weird block in my mind, everything would become clear and I'd be living the life I want.

I could go on, and on, and on, and on, but my question is: Does anyone else here deal with anything similar, have advice, etc?

Thanks so much!

Hello spaceduck107, I see this is your first post so welcome to PC! I hope you find your time here to be of benefit. Once you have 5 approved posts, you will be able to enter the chat room and talk to fellow members. There is almost always someone online to chat with.

If you are able, I would recommend getting a physical examination done along with blood tests to make sure there isn't a physical cause behind your mental health issues. A psychiatrist would probably be the next step, perhaps medication would be helpful for you.

I agree with scaredandconfused.